Miffed
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Anonymous
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I had been the nanny for a great little boy until three months ago. I started when he was four months old and left just after his third birthday (when he started preschool). MB had asked me if I would still work with them for date nights and I agreed, saying that I was really going to miss DS and was happy to get to see him more. My last week, DS was very emotional, saying he was going to miss me and asking me to come to school with him, etc. I told him not to worry, that I would still get to see him sometimes. MB said something similar to him when I left for the last time.
Anyway, she's had me babysit twice, and both times she's asked me to arrive after his bedtime (he goes down at 8; she's been asking me to come at 8:30). She just asked me about a third date in April, again to arrive at 8:30. I'm very frustrated. The only reason I really agreed to babysit was so I could continue to see her son; coming after bedtime is super boring for me. I have several other parents asking me to sit on Fridays and Saturdays, and all those other clients have me arrive early enough for some playtime, bath, books, etc, which I truly enjoy. The other clients also have other perks for post bedtime (cable TV, invitation to their well-stocked pantry, reliable wifi, etc) which I do not get with this family at all. I don't know; I guess I should just tell her no to future babysitting, but I've already agreed to do it, and I don't want to upset her (I still need her as a good reference). I considered bringing this up with her, but I can't see it being productive. She knows I want to see her son, and if she asks me to come at 8:30 that is her choice I guess. It just feels weird to me; it seems like she is deliberately trying to cut me out of her sons life. Why would you want to keep your old nanny around for date night sitting if your son would be asleep the entire time? You could literally just hire ANYONE to stay there while he sleeps! Ugh. |
Anonymous
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I had a similar situation, I was asked to arrive 15 minutes before bedtime for the twins who used to come to my nursery and adored me and whom I adored. At least we had a bit of time for cuddles and songs in bed!
My only suggestion is that you offer, if you want to, of course, to take him out during the day on a weekend, and decline future babysitting saying you found a permanent weekend family. |
Anonymous
| 2 next time she asks you to come at 830 say no bit you'd be happy to come at 7 so you can spend time with kid. Let her take it from there. |
Anonymous
| I sometimes have my babysitter come after the kids are in bed because I don't want to pay them for time I won't need them. If their bedtime is 8pm and my dinner reservation that's 15 minutes away is 9pm I don't need the babysitter to arrive at 7. |
Anonymous
| You sound...special. |
Anonymous
Was this your former nanny though? I would think it would be different if that was the case. Do you tell your kids the sitter is coming so that if they wake up while she's there they don't get upset? |
Anonymous
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Since you have a relationship with them I would be honest and say you were hoping to spend time with your former charge.
Maybe he is going through a phase where he loses it if mom and dad leave and it's easier just to put him to bed before they go out. |
Anonymous
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I think you might be taking it too personally OP. Just try asking her if you could come a little earlier. "I really miss seeing Johnny and would love to come a bit earlier to spend some time w/ him."
Maybe there are bedtime issues that concern her. Just try asking and take it from there. |
Anonymous
| Just tell her that you'd like to come early and spend time with their son. Reassure her that she wouldn't need to pay you for it but that you really only accepted nighttime work to see the child. |
Anonymous
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Hmm...This is a bit strange and doesn't really make much sense to me.
I am not a confrontational person by any means, but this is a situation that even I would be most comfortable dealing with. I would just let her know that you miss your favorite little guy and would love to have some time to catch up with him every now and then. Ask her if it would be possible if she could schedule you to arrive a few hours earlier so you can have some time to hang out and play. I am almost positive she will make the proper accommodations, I mean as a mother she ought to have both you and her son's best interests at heart, right? |
Anonymous
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You have a long post.
Sounds like you want babysitting jobs with more hours and pay. Or you want to do some playdates with your former charge. Also you sound hung up on free TV movies, food, Internet, etc. If someone needs you from 8:30-10:30pm job and you don't want to do it, just decline. If it's more about the charge and less about you, then please suggest coming earlier so you can play. I don't know if that's in the family's budget or not. |
Anonymous
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Just tell her what you said here OP. I can't see how she takes offense to knowing you miss her kid.
It is possible though that as a working mom she tries to limit the weekend time away from her child and so just routinely goes out post bedtime. She may not have even really thought about this from your angle. |
Anonymous
| Maybe they can't afford to pay you to come early if they don't need you until 8:30. If you really want to see him you could ask to come earlier to see him but for free until 8:30 or like pp suggested ask if you can take him out for a day |
Anonymous
| Believe it or not, OP, your main function as a nanny/babysitter is to provide childcare for parents when it is convenient for them, NOT to get paid to spend quality time with kids that you miss. You have such a lack of perspective here it is blowing my mind. |
Anonymous
| Lol this is funny. Mb kept you on for babysitting because she trusts you over any one else that she could get to do it and she knows you love her son. She didn't do it so that the 2 of you could have playtime that she pays for. If she doesn't need you at 7:30 maybe you could ask to come early for a free hour. Or stop sitting for them and just shoot her a text to see if you can come by for a quick visit sometimes when you're in the area. But I'm sure if she needed you earlier she'd use you |