MBs and DBs, a question for you...
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Anonymous
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I've been with my NF for two years, MB and DB both work downtown (and live in the close-in burbs). They have one child, who turned two in November. About six months ago, DB started randomly coming home in the middle of the day, usually about once every 2-3 weeks or so, and usually for a short time (15-20 mins). The first time I was given a heads up text (I was told he forgot some important paperwork at home), but I haven't gotten a heads up since the first time, several months ago. It's a little frustrating, but...I feel like it's not a big enough deal for me to bother bringing it up as an issue.
DB often comes home during the 40 mins I'm getting her down for nap, or right after her nap begins, and that is the messiest time of day. In the morning I make breakfast, and clean up the kitchen after breakfast, and then we read books, play with toys and games, and then go out to the park. We come back inside, have a snack, I clean up after snack, then we play inside, and then do an art or craft project, and then have lunch (12:30ish) and immediately after lunch is nap time (which is usually a 40 minute process of reading and singing in her room). Her naps are predictable, always about 2 hours. After she goes down, I usually just collapse on the couch for 20 mins, before getting up to make my lunch (I'm usually starved by then), and then I clean up everything (her lunch stuff, my lunch stuff, do the dishes, clean up the art project area, etc). So, DB is coming home almost every time while the lunch stuff is still out, the dishes are piled up in the sink, the art area is a total disaster, and the house is generally just a bit of a mess with toys, books, etc. And, not only is he coming home to this mess, but half the time he walks in the door the house is a mess, and I, the nanny, am sitting on my butt on the couch (the other half of the time the house is still a mess and I'm putting DD down for nap). So the big question is: if you came home every night to a clean home, dishes done, happy kid, etc, BUT came home in the middle of the day unannounced a few times and found the house a mess (and nanny taking a breather on the couch) how big of a deal would this be? I mean, everything gets cleaned up and all the dishes get done before nap time ends, but you're coming home at the start of nap time...house is a mess...what would your reaction be? So far they haven't said anything to me about it, but...I don't want to make them unhappy or uncomfortable. Maybe they don't care, but I get the sense they are pretty clean folks so...I'm not sure. I took the liberty of preemptively writing up a little Q&A... 1) Why aren't you cleaning up right after art time? A) Because she's so tired and hungry and cranky it's all I can do to take off her smock and wipe the paint or glue off her hands and face and stick her in her chair with her lunch 2) Why aren't you using the time she's eating lunch to do dishes or clean up art supplies? A) Because actual time spent in her chair eating is usually about 3 minutes and then she's done, and I'm often using those three minutes to run to the bathroom and pee or just put the food I got out for her lunch back into the fridge, etc. (I used to try to use art time for those things but lately art projects have been more and more intensive and have required more of my help throughout.) 3) Why isn't she cleaning up after herself, her toys around the house? A) She does clean up her toys often, and I make a point of getting her in the habit of that. But as the morning wears on she gets more and more cranky, so clean up happens less and less. 4) Why aren't you cleaning up and doing the dishes immediately after she goes down for nap? A) Her bedroom is kind of in the middle of the main floor of the house, and right next to the kitchen. She's been woken up early by me doing the dishes more than once, so I try to save those for towards the end of her nap. And yes, I really should clean up the other stuff first, but I'm always just so exhausted by nap time that I need a short break (I arrive at 7am, and she doesn't go down until 2pm. Also three days per week between 7:30am and noon her cousin of the same age comes over as a share, so I'm extra exhausted those days, like today). 5) If she's so exhausted and cranky by even just 11am why don't you put her down for nap earlier? A) I've tried it, but it never works out well. I'm not sure why exactly, but when I put her down at 2 she will sleep until 4 regularly (I wake her up by 4:15 so bedtime isn't impacted). I've tried putting her down at 12:30 or 1 but she always wakes up after 45-60 mins when I put her down that early, and then is a mess again by 4. I'm not sure why 2 is the magic time for a solid nap for her, but it's always worked out that way. Anyway, I'm very curious to hear from MBs and DBs what your reaction to this would be... Thanks in advance. |
Anonymous
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I would be thrilled if I came home in the middle of the day and my house was a mess with kids lunch and art projects! Particularly if it was all cleaned up by the time my nanny left. But I probably wouldn't even care if it wasn't.
Right now, my house looks perfect if I come home. My babysitter lets the kids watch a ton of TV and usually feeds them PB&J or heats up something I prepped for lunch. I am starting FT work in a few months, and I plan to offer a higher rate and have high expectations right off the bat. I have so much hope after reading a few of the nanny posts on this forum. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry, Dear, your post is too long to read. |
Anonymous
| If you prefer to only read the paragraph that begins bolded, that's really the only part that is essential. |
Anonymous
| Are you being paid when you "rest" on the job? |
Anonymous
what does that have to do with anything? Personally, I try to clean each mess add it happens because I'm lazy and would rather not clean up a hurricane all at once and also u try to leave the house so if the parents came home at any point during the day it wouldn't be a disaster zone that needed to be dealt with before I leave. You'll just have to be direct and ask them what they specifically prefer. My guess is as long as they come home to a tidy house they're not going to care of it's trashed at 2 pm. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't care. I know what the house looks like midway on days I'm with the kiddo. |
Anonymous
Well you asked how we would feel and I personally would be pretty pissed to come home and find my nanny being paid $25/hr and napping. Everyone else can make it through a whole work day without taking a nap so I expect my nanny to also. Babies nap time is not your nap time. |
Anonymous
OP here. First of all, the person who you quoted and responded to was not me (which seems pretty clear to me if you actually read what she wrote). Second, I don't nap. I sit on the couch, check my emails, maybe read a chapter of my book, and just breathe. Not nap. Third, I'm not getting paid anywhere near $25/hr, not even a little bit close. Considering my education (ECE degree), extensive experience, impeccable references, etc, frankly I'm rather underpaid. But, I really like working with this family (they are very considerate of my time, their daughter is awesome, they offer generous small gifts frequently like $20 Starbucks gift cards here and there, guaranteed hours, sick, vacation pay, etc, etc), so I haven't felt the need to find a different family for a few dollars extra per hour. Yes, most people do not nap in a work day, and neither do I. But most people who work a 9-10 hour day get a paid break, and so do I. |
Anonymous
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I work at home, so I see this all the time. I couldn't care less when the clean up happens as long as I don't have to do it after the nanny leaves. Ideally, she gets the kids to help, but I'm aware that is more possible some times than others.
Carry on. You're doing fine. |
Anonymous
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I would be upset if you left food out. If I knew the dishes were being cleaned up in an hour that would be fine.
To be honest, I don't need the art projects so I wouldn't be thrilled with that mess. But I'm one of those uptight people who abhors mess and doesn't think sparkly pinecones are cute and masterpieces to be kept forever. |
Anonymous
| Good God. You sound like one of those people who would ruin a good thing because you overthink and then overreact. |
Anonymous
| Good lord OP, what kind of nanny are you that you can't get your ONE charge to sit in the high chair for longer than 3 minutes? No wonder she's starving and cranky if that is how all the meals go. |
Anonymous
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I'm shocked that anyone asks for an employee to work 9-10 hr days and doesn't allow them a break. This leads to incredible burnout. I'm sure most of non nanny jobs allow for at least a short lunch? *facepalm*
To the non artsy lady- art and music help children with the mathematical parts of the mind. Look at the bigger picture. |
Anonymous
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It is a law that every five hours the employee must be given a 20 minute break. No one should ever work a ten hour day, especially in a physical job like childcare, without a break.
That said, I wouldn't be comfortable coming home during the day to see a disaster zone. But that may be just me. I am super organized and clean. I couldn't walk away from dirty dishes if I tried. |