Discouraged host mom in rematch

[Anonymous]

We're in rematch. Our first ever (after 8 years) and our AP initiated it. It's fine - she wasn't right for us and vice versa, but it's still hard and demoralizing and stressful.
I'm working with my agency and I'm on FB pages looking at candidates, but I'm feeling like the pickings are pretty slim right now.
Anyone have any good tips for me? Any rocks to look under? Words of wisdom? I'll take any help!
Thanks.

[Anonymous]

what agency are you working with? our coordinator was very helpful a year ago when we were in rematch.

[Anonymous]

So sorry to hear this, OP. YOur track record speaks volumes, so try not to let this "blip on the screen" derail you.

I would reach out to your Regional Director and get her (or him) working for you. The FB pages and the regular website may list people, but what you want are the good candidates, the ones who are right for you, and only the regional director is going to be able to help with this. You want the full story of why the AP is in rematch, and again, the regional director will have this, not the FB page. So I would say make that calll ASAP and don't waste your time searching yourself.

We were in rematch last year when our AP got hurt and had to go home, and it was extremely stressful. I wanted to cast a wide net so I did - I looked everywhere - but I realized pretty quickly that someone who looked good on FB wasn't really a good candidate for us once I was able to see the LCC notes, so it had been a waste of my time to even start going down the road with a candidate without the Regional Director involved. The RD was the one who lined up candidates for me, had people in mind to send me even when other families were viewing them, and got me started with one candidate even before we were officially in rematch. This person will work for you if you push her to, so definitely reach out now. Again, your history as a HF will tell them all they need to know, and you are exactly the kind of HF they will put a lot of work into, because they know with the right AP, you will be a good bet for a successful match.

GOod luck and hang in there.

[Anonymous]

We got our two best au pairs in rematch. Took us a while to find them, but they were both amazing. To the point that I might actually only look at rematch au pairs in the future. We had one au pair who had a family crisis at home, and another who arrived and I immediately knew it was a mistake. She was awful, but fortunately chose to leave about 6 weeks into her tenure. Even though I was glad she was gone and glad she initiated, it was still really really awful and stressful and just personally hurt me too.

I'm sorry you're going through it though. But know that it will work out and you will be at a place where you're so glad she left because you'll have someone that's a great fit that you never would have gotten to meet otherwise.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Is there any way you can cover a few weeks without an au pair? We were in the same situation a few years ago and found a fabulous extension au pair who could start about a month later. Luckily it was summer so my preschoolers spent a month at Grandma's (hard all the way around but much better than staying with our flameout au pair who lasted three days before I felt it wasn't safe to leave the kids with her). But that's another pool.

You might also contact another au pair agency and see what their rematch pool looks like. They might make it worth your while to switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can cover a few weeks without an au pair? We were in the same situation a few years ago and found a fabulous extension au pair who could start about a month later. Luckily it was summer so my preschoolers spent a month at Grandma's (hard all the way around but much better than staying with our flameout au pair who lasted three days before I felt it wasn't safe to leave the kids with her). But that's another pool.

You might also contact another au pair agency and see what their rematch pool looks like. They might make it worth your while to switch.

This. Talk to a few -- it's a pain, for sure, but you cast a wider net that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can cover a few weeks without an au pair? We were in the same situation a few years ago and found a fabulous extension au pair who could start about a month later. Luckily it was summer so my preschoolers spent a month at Grandma's (hard all the way around but much better than staying with our flameout au pair who lasted three days before I felt it wasn't safe to leave the kids with her). But that's another pool.

You might also contact another au pair agency and see what their rematch pool looks like. They might make it worth your while to switch.

This. Talk to a few -- it's a pain, for sure, but you cast a wider net that way.

But if you switch companies, don't you forfeit the program fee and have to pay it all over again with the new company? That's a lot of money to give up just to switch APs

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP.

We have had two out of our four APs rematch (for cause), and I'm not liking our odds anymore. AP4 is good and she's here through August, then we are not getting another one.

Honestly, you have had so many successful matches in the past. This is just a blip for you. You've gotten great advice here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can cover a few weeks without an au pair? We were in the same situation a few years ago and found a fabulous extension au pair who could start about a month later. Luckily it was summer so my preschoolers spent a month at Grandma's (hard all the way around but much better than staying with our flameout au pair who lasted three days before I felt it wasn't safe to leave the kids with her). But that's another pool.

You might also contact another au pair agency and see what their rematch pool looks like. They might make it worth your while to switch.

This. Talk to a few -- it's a pain, for sure, but you cast a wider net that way.

But if you switch companies, don't you forfeit the program fee and have to pay it all over again with the new company? That's a lot of money to give up just to switch APs

This is one reason I use apia's payment plan - if all goes south they don't have all your money.

You *should* be able to negotiate to have your old agency's fees prorated, particularly if there are truly no appropriate a pairs and you're not just being super picky (though who could blame you). The new agency would likely give you a "switching companies" discount. You would probably lose some money but compared to what you'd spend for coverage from piecing it together it might not be much.

[Anonymous]

HM here. We're another family that does APIA extended payments. I agree with PP that we think it mitigates some of the "risk."

[Anonymous]

Update: We found someone, an AP in the US already, in her own rematch due to family upheaval (newborn baby, in laws moving in, etc.). She arrived this week. She seems LOVELY. (Knock on wood.) I am so happy and so relieved.

Meanwhile outgoing AP - who called the rematch! - cried every day and was surly and dramatic every moment up until her departure. She even called our LCC to "undo" the rematch, to no avail. She asked three times if she could stay on in our guest room after her last day of work. We said no. She is now back in her home country after failing to find a new family.

Our house is happy and light again without all the drama and tension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: We found someone, an AP in the US already, in her own rematch due to family upheaval (newborn baby, in laws moving in, etc.). She arrived this week. She seems LOVELY. (Knock on wood.) I am so happy and so relieved.

Meanwhile outgoing AP - who called the rematch! - cried every day and was surly and dramatic every moment up until her departure. She even called our LCC to "undo" the rematch, to no avail. She asked three times if she could stay on in our guest room after her last day of work. We said no. She is now back in her home country after failing to find a new family.

Our house is happy and light again without all the drama and tension.

So glad to hear it! Those last days must have been so tense. How did you phrase "no"?? You are brave.

[Anonymous]

13:15- does your new AP's first name start with W? Just curious. We were looking for an AP in the US and the situation sounds similar to someone we interviewed. I liked her a lot and DH was turned off by a comment she made and wouldn't consider her. Just curious if it's the same person, because I want to remind him that he's an idiot if she is in fact lovely!

[Anonymous]

13:39 it does - she's Polish. Same girl?
(what did she say?)

[Anonymous]

Yep, totally the same girl. That's so funny. I really liked her a lot!! I skyped with her one night for over an hour (for me, that's a long time haha).

This is so stupid. I asked her about the rematch situation with her first host family and she said that things came to a head when they went to Disney World and left her alone in the hotel, instead of inviting her to go into the parks with them. I totally get where she is coming from there. My DH thought she sounded entitled and that she didn't realize how much they had already paid for her to fly down there with them and have her own hotel room at the resort, and that it could cost them an additional $500 or whatever to pay for her park tickets. I think he took it more as her not appreciating that she was free to enjoy a nice Disney resort all day at the pool (not working) and she was focusing on the negative instead of the positive. I think they should have paid for her park tickets for at least a day or two, personally! I can understand where she was coming from.