DS gets upset when nanny leaves in the evening...

[Anonymous]

...but never when DH and I leave in the morning. He is 17 months. He waved good-bye happily to us when we leave in the morning but begins to react to the nanny leaving as soon as he sees either DH or I come home.

I'm not insecure and I understand he is tired in the evenings. I just was hoping to hear suggestions on how to make the transition easier for him in the evenings. The nanny leaves happily and tells him in a happy tone that she will will see him tomorrow and makes her exit fast. She pretty much does what DH and I do in the morning but a bit faster.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that it's largely just it being later in the day.

That said, just because you and nanny say goodbye the same way, doesn't mean the transition is the same. Ask nanny how she redirects DC after you leave. My guess is that Mommy and Daddy leaving means time for XYZ fun activity, but nanny leaving means time for bedtime routine.

[Anonymous]

We had the exact same issue when DS was that age. We were living in Southern California at the time and he and the nanny were outside pretty much all day. Once DS started talking we realized that he was upset because nanny was going "a-side" [outside] without him.

[Anonymous]

I agree 100% with the first two PPs. I would also add to make the transition calmer and more peaceful in the evenings. Not quite as exuberant as the morning good-bye.


DD reacted negatively to the commotion of DH and I both coming in the door at the same time.

[Anonymous]

I've had this issue. The parents decided it was to traumatic for the children to see them so they changed my end time and decided to only come home once the children were asleep. Worked out a lot better. But very long days for me.

[nannydebsays]

OP, i don't know how long this nanny has been working for you, but if she is relatively new, your little one is likely saving his strong emotional reactions for you, since he knows intuitively that you will support him through his upset.

Often, a new(er) nanny doesn't get the gift of kids melting down completely because they are not trusted adults yet. Kids know who is an emotional safe haven, and eventually nanny will likely join those ranks, but for now his parents are the safest adults your child has.

Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with nanny, just means kids know who they can trust 1000% of the time.

[Anonymous]

nannydebsays wrote:OP, i don't know how long this nanny has been working for you, but if she is relatively new, your little one is likely saving his strong emotional reactions for you, since he knows intuitively that you will support him through his upset.

Often, a new(er) nanny doesn't get the gift of kids melting down completely because they are not trusted adults yet. Kids know who is an emotional safe haven, and eventually nanny will likely join those ranks, but for now his parents are the safest adults your child has.

Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with nanny, just means kids know who they can trust 1000% of the time.

OP here - she has been his nanny since his birth. He is extremely bonded with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had this issue. The parents decided it was to traumatic for the children to see them so they changed my end time and decided to only come home once the children were asleep. Worked out a lot better. But very long days for me.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...but never when DH and I leave in the morning. He is 17 months. He waved good-bye happily to us when we leave in the morning but begins to react to the nanny leaving as soon as he sees either DH or I come home.

I'm not insecure and I understand he is tired in the evenings. I just was hoping to hear suggestions on how to make the transition easier for him in the evenings. The nanny leaves happily and tells him in a happy tone that she will will see him tomorrow and makes her exit fast. She pretty much does what DH and I do in the morning but a bit faster.

Does he recover quickly?

There's not much you can do beyond the basics if he's just reacting to the transition (which is what it sounds like). Your nanny probably already does this, but if not she should start a project with him (art, tower building, lining up his cars by color) about 20 min. before the end of her day and get him really excited to show it to you when you get home. Otherwise just keep doing what you're doing: cheerful, quick goodbyes with a reassurance that she'll see him tomorrow. As long as he's recovering in a reasonable time frame I wouldn't spend any more energy trying to "fix" this, it's a normal stage that won't last but transitions are a difficult lesson we have to learn it as kids.

[Anonymous]

I echo the calm approach when coming home. We had the same issue with DD and then realized that DH and I came home a little too exuberant and with too much commotion. Once we tones it down, DD reacted much better to her nanny leaving.

[Anonymous]

Give it time kids go through phases one week its mom who can't leave, then dad, and nanny it can last awhile or be only a few days long. You could ask nanny to start getting your son ready for you to come home about 15 minutes or so before you arrive and if there is a window they can watch for you to come home, wave to him from the car and have nanny explain you're home and he's going to play and have fun.

I lost my job because my charges one in particular was so attached to me I was with them 40-60 hours a week from age 2 months-2.5 years. He would run down the hall every morning and say nanny is home, nanny is home when mb left he didn't even notice even though we stood at the window to wave he wasn't interes in doing that when she came home same thing he didn't care and he would cry when I would leave and mb said it took him 30 minutes to calm down. I did everything possible to get him excited for mb but nothing worked and she couldn't take it they ended up going to day care and she texted saying how happy she was when they cried when she was leaving and then how happy they were when she picked them up

[Anonymous]

I brought this thread back up for the poster on the General Parenting thread who the exact same question deleted from that forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give it time kids go through phases one week its mom who can't leave, then dad, and nanny it can last awhile or be only a few days long. You could ask nanny to start getting your son ready for you to come home about 15 minutes or so before you arrive and if there is a window they can watch for you to come home, wave to him from the car and have nanny explain you're home and he's going to play and have fun.

I lost my job because my charges one in particular was so attached to me I was with them 40-60 hours a week from age 2 months-2.5 years. He would run down the hall every morning and say nanny is home, nanny is home when mb left he didn't even notice even though we stood at the window to wave he wasn't interes in doing that when she came home same thing he didn't care and he would cry when I would leave and mb said it took him 30 minutes to calm down. I did everything possible to get him excited for mb but nothing worked and she couldn't take it they ended up going to day care and she texted saying how happy she was when they cried when she was leaving and then how happy they were when she picked them up

Wow. Talk about incredibly selfish parents. That's so heart-wrenching.

[Anonymous]

I read this tittle as DB gets upset when I leave in the evening and I was very curious about the details and a little creeped out haha.

Glad to know this is a normal situation and a totally normal reaction, and it's not a reflection good or bad on anyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it time kids go through phases one week its mom who can't leave, then dad, and nanny it can last awhile or be only a few days long. You could ask nanny to start getting your son ready for you to come home about 15 minutes or so before you arrive and if there is a window they can watch for you to come home, wave to him from the car and have nanny explain you're home and he's going to play and have fun.

I lost my job because my charges one in particular was so attached to me I was with them 40-60 hours a week from age 2 months-2.5 years. He would run down the hall every morning and say nanny is home, nanny is home when mb left he didn't even notice even though we stood at the window to wave he wasn't interes in doing that when she came home same thing he didn't care and he would cry when I would leave and mb said it took him 30 minutes to calm down. I did everything possible to get him excited for mb but nothing worked and she couldn't take it they ended up going to day care and she texted saying how happy she was when they cried when she was leaving and then how happy they were when she picked them up

Wow. Talk about incredibly selfish parents. That's so heart-wrenching.

Really, PP, she is a horrid mother and a truly horrid woman. I feel so sorry for her poor little boy - she made everything about herself and doesn't give crap about her son.