What exactly does flexible mean? Should it quit?

[Anonymous]

First time poster here-- I have been working for a family for the last 7 months and I am almost at my breaking point. They advertised for a "kind, flexible, caring nanny" and I thought "hay! I'm all of those things!" I ended up getting the job and am payed pretty well. We discussed my hours and I agreed to an approximate 50 hour work week. The children are 11 months and two and a half. Recently I have been leaving work an average 1.5-2 hours later than I am supposed to and working 58-64 hours per week. That is an entire extra day of work for most people. To me, flexibile means like coming in a little bit early sometimes and leaving a little bit late other times. I am flexible every morning as they change my start time literally by 5 minutes some mornings (6:00,6:25,6:40,6:15). I don't believe being flexible means them coming home late every evening. I am starting to feel disrespected, exhausted, overworked, under appreciated, and lots of negative emotions in between. I am not even getting apologies when they come home late now. I have missed planned dinners, birthday parties, etc. and let this all be known.

I have had a sit down discussion with her once where I explained to her that it was really hard for me to make any plans after work as I never can count on what time I'll actually be leaving and even suggested they have another nanny come from 5 o'clock to whenever they need her. No attempts to change this behavior have been made.

What can I say this time around to make my discussion more meaningful? I'm not married and do not have children of my own but my free time is important to me and I want that to come across.

[Anonymous]

Time to look for a new job. Not a good fit for either side, and they are not likely to change.

[Anonymous]

Could you give them a polite ultimatum? Just tell them that you cannot work for them without knowing when they will be home and 68 hours a week is not sustainable. Something has to change or you will have to leave them.

Good luck, OP, I could not do what you have been doing.

[Anonymous]

MB here. For us, flexible means that i can call at 5pm when I'm due home at 6pm and ask if he can stay until 6:30 bc DH and I are both stuck in meetings. Flexible means I can forget (or run out of time) to prep lunch before leaving in the morning and he will just figure it out and not be rattled by it.

You're not being flexible, you're being taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

Quit. They are taking advantage and won't change.

[Anonymous]

Wow...They should have put the word "flexible" in huge capital letter, boldface, underlined and in 90 pt. font.

All kidding aside, they are most definitely taking full advantage of you OP and this is not acceptable no matter how well you are being paid. The fact that you are not married and have no children probably makes them think it is okay for them to treat you this way. In their eyes, you have no familial responsibilities so therefore you have no life. WRONG!!

You need to address this issue with them again and let them know that them coming home late and you having to work these extra hours is really affecting your quality of life, specifically your personal life.

Stress that while you love working for them and love your job, you still need your time off to socialize and enjoy your friends and hobbies and such. Make sure they realize how very important this is.

Hopefully this will put a stop to them overworking you for good.

However if things still continue as they are now, you have done everything within your power and then it will be up to you to decide if this is worth leaving a well-paying position for.

Good luck to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you give them a polite ultimatum? Just tell them that you cannot work for them without knowing when they will be home and 68 hours a week is not sustainable. Something has to change or you will have to leave them.

Good luck, OP, I could not do what you have been doing.

+1 You have to "lay it on the line", OP, and let them know that this cannot continue. Give them an opportunity to change before you quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. For us, flexible means that i can call at 5pm when I'm due home at 6pm and ask if he can stay until 6:30 bc DH and I are both stuck in meetings. Flexible means I can forget (or run out of time) to prep lunch before leaving in the morning and he will just figure it out and not be rattled by it.

You're not being flexible, you're being taken advantage of.

You should know because calling at the last minute IS tsking advantage.

[Anonymous]

Just checking ... You're getting paid OT for all the extra time, right? And you're getting a good hourly rate? (I'm not saying either of these excuse their behavior, I'm just wondering exactly how inconsiderate they're being ...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just checking ... You're getting paid OT for all the extra time, right? And you're getting a good hourly rate? (I'm not saying either of these excuse their behavior, I'm just wondering exactly how inconsiderate they're being ...)

Don't hold your breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just checking ... You're getting paid OT for all the extra time, right? And you're getting a good hourly rate? (I'm not saying either of these excuse their behavior, I'm just wondering exactly how inconsiderate they're being ...)

OP here. Yes I am getting OT and am happy with my hourly rate. I am being fairly compensated for all of the extra hours I put in, but after all of these long weeks I am starting to feel that no amount of money is going to make me feel better about having no time for myself and all of the plans I've had to miss out on. I feel as if none of my time is actually my own, since I am unable to plan anything during the week, as I never know when I will be leaving work. I got this job right after I moved to a brand new city and I don't think I need to remind anyone here how lonely it can be working as a nanny (long story short I HAVE NO FRIENDS) . I don't blame them for the fact that I don't have many friends here, but I do think they realize this and therefor think it's okay to keep me at work all day and night\ they think I have no life outside of work.

If things don't change soon I will have to figure something else out for work because I just cannot continue putting in these types of hours. I feel unhealthy and unhappy. I would rather keep my job than quit, I just can't figure out a way to demonstrate these feelings without coming across as bitchy and miserable. My first discussion with her did not make any difference at all, so what I really want is some advice on how I should handle this next talk with her.

Please, anyone who has had this problem or a similar unhappiness with long unagreed upon hours/tardiness WHAT DID YOU DO?

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny with no free time. I can't even imagine free time unless it's a scheduled day off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just checking ... You're getting paid OT for all the extra time, right? And you're getting a good hourly rate? (I'm not saying either of these excuse their behavior, I'm just wondering exactly how inconsiderate they're being ...)

OP here. Yes I am getting OT and am happy with my hourly rate. I am being fairly compensated for all of the extra hours I put in, but after all of these long weeks I am starting to feel that no amount of money is going to make me feel better about having no time for myself and all of the plans I've had to miss out on. I feel as if none of my time is actually my own, since I am unable to plan anything during the week, as I never know when I will be leaving work. I got this job right after I moved to a brand new city and I don't think I need to remind anyone here how lonely it can be working as a nanny (long story short I HAVE NO FRIENDS) . I don't blame them for the fact that I don't have many friends here, but I do think they realize this and therefor think it's okay to keep me at work all day and night\ they think I have no life outside of work.

If things don't change soon I will have to figure something else out for work because I just cannot continue putting in these types of hours. I feel unhealthy and unhappy. I would rather keep my job than quit, I just can't figure out a way to demonstrate these feelings without coming across as bitchy and miserable. My first discussion with her did not make any difference at all, so what I really want is some advice on how I should handle this next talk with her.

Please, anyone who has had this problem or a similar unhappiness with long unagreed upon hours/tardiness WHAT DID YOU DO?

I don't understand what you want to hear, OP. Yes, I was in a similar situation and I sat down with my employers and told them, point blank, that things must change or I would have to resign. There are no other options but to simply quit. People have been posting that you must give a polite ultimatum and be ready to follow through on it. There is not magic answer. Talk or quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just checking ... You're getting paid OT for all the extra time, right? And you're getting a good hourly rate? (I'm not saying either of these excuse their behavior, I'm just wondering exactly how inconsiderate they're being ...)

OP here. Yes I am getting OT and am happy with my hourly rate. I am being fairly compensated for all of the extra hours I put in, but after all of these long weeks I am starting to feel that no amount of money is going to make me feel better about having no time for myself and all of the plans I've had to miss out on. I feel as if none of my time is actually my own, since I am unable to plan anything during the week, as I never know when I will be leaving work. I got this job right after I moved to a brand new city and I don't think I need to remind anyone here how lonely it can be working as a nanny (long story short I HAVE NO FRIENDS) . I don't blame them for the fact that I don't have many friends here, but I do think they realize this and therefor think it's okay to keep me at work all day and night\ they think I have no life outside of work.

If things don't change soon I will have to figure something else out for work because I just cannot continue putting in these types of hours. I feel unhealthy and unhappy. I would rather keep my job than quit, I just can't figure out a way to demonstrate these feelings without coming across as bitchy and miserable. My first discussion with her did not make any difference at all, so what I really want is some advice on how I should handle this next talk with her.

Please, anyone who has had this problem or a similar unhappiness with long unagreed upon hours/tardiness WHAT DID YOU DO?

You sit down and tell them that you you like working for them and caring for the kids, but you need a set schedule. You don't mind occasionally staying late with advance notice, but 60 hour weeks are not working for you you need time to be refreshed an be the best possible nanny. There is no magical formula that promises things will work out in your favor you talk to them and see what happens.

The thing of it is they may not be able to accommodate you. They may have jobs that they cannot guarantee you a set schedule.

I don't understand what you want to hear, OP. Yes, I was in a similar situation and I sat down with my employers and told them, point blank, that things must change or I would have to resign. There are no other options but to simply quit. People have been posting that you must give a polite ultimatum and be ready to follow through on it. There is not magic answer. Talk or quit.

[Anonymous]

First get a new job, then quit.