What's the right thing to do here?

[Anonymous]

MB here - we've been working with college babysitter for about 6 mos. She started off doing 10 hours/week and up until the past month, she has been fairly reliable. Over the holidays she was away for six weeks and in Jan she took on some additional school commitments so she asked to reduce her hours to 6. I had talked with her formally in Nov. about needing more hours since I work part time and since then I've asked lots of times if she can cover us at other days/times. She always says no which is totally fine since I never expect anyone to be available outside of the hours we've agreed on, but it's also led to more conversations about how I think we need more help. I told her yesterday that we were going to look for someone else who has more hours available. I found someone quickly through our neighborhood listserve and timing-wise it makes sense for us to have this be our babysitter's last week. Today when she came in I told her that tomorrow would be her last regular workday but we would love to have her come and watch the kids on weekends if she would be open to that. I also offered to pass along her information and a great reference to a friend if she's interested in still doing some sitting. I know she doesn't "need" the money in the sense that she's not using it to survive, but I'm sure it's nice to have the extra cushion. I do feel badly because I know it probably seemed abrupt, but she's giving us fewer and fewer hours and she's mentioned how hard it is to balance everything so I thought it might actually come as a bit of a relief. She seemed upset but we didn't have time to talk about it because the kids were there and I was rushing to squeeze in a work meeting before I had to be back. Tomorrow I thought I'd have a nice card for her with a small gift certificate to a restaurant I know she likes and maybe some treats for her to have with the kids. I'd like to mark her last "workday" but I don't want it to seem like a final goodbye if she'd like to keep sitting for us. I also mentioned that if she's open to it, we could go ahead and get some dates on the calendar now. I'm fine if she decides not to but thought that might make for a slightly less sudden t ending. Any thoughts about what else (if anything I can do)? I do like her and appreciate the time she's spent with my kids so I obviously don't want to leave on a sour note if we can avoid it.

[Anonymous]

Generally in this type of situation the employers give two weeks notice. If it were reversed, and she was quitting, wouldn't you have appreciated two weeks notice?

I know you say that she doesn't "need" the money, but honestly you don't know her finances, bills, or plans. I know you say it is easier for the new sitter to start right now, but if you really don't want her to work the next two weeks then you should pay her for the time (call it severance). It sounds like maybe you've given her one week notice, so in that case perhaps it would be one week paid plus one weeks compensation. Consider yourself lucky that she's only working six hours per week now, since that's all you'd be paying her for. That would be the "right" thing to do, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Generally in this type of situation the employers give two weeks notice. If it were reversed, and she was quitting, wouldn't you have appreciated two weeks notice?

I know you say that she doesn't "need" the money, but honestly you don't know her finances, bills, or plans. I know you say it is easier for the new sitter to start right now, but if you really don't want her to work the next two weeks then you should pay her for the time (call it severance). It sounds like maybe you've given her one week notice, so in that case perhaps it would be one week paid plus one weeks compensation. Consider yourself lucky that she's only working six hours per week now, since that's all you'd be paying her for. That would be the "right" thing to do, IMO.

Agreed. It isn't for you to judge whether she relies on this income or not. Two weeks notice is standard, especially if you'd like to part amicably. The way you've approached this likely has her feeling as though she's done something wrong. Your needs have changed, and so have hers. This is a fit issue, not performance, so I don't think it was fair of you to make this so abrupt.

[Anonymous]

OP here - just to clarify, I guess there is somewhat of a performance issue too in the sense that she came back after the break and didn't work the first week for various school-related reasons (leaving me in the lurch because I had scheduled meetings). Then she abruptly told me she was dropping to 8 hours last week and now to 6 this week. And yes, to answer a PP's question, I would have appreciated 2 weeks notice for either of those changes since I had to scramble to move things around to accommodate. I get the two weeks severance and we've done that for our regular nannies, but I didn't think that was standard for someone so part time and given we've only worked together for a total of 5 mos. We also just gave her one week's salary as a holiday bonus so I don't know that we can do two more just a month later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - just to clarify, I guess there is somewhat of a performance issue too in the sense that she came back after the break and didn't work the first week for various school-related reasons (leaving me in the lurch because I had scheduled meetings). Then she abruptly told me she was dropping to 8 hours last week and now to 6 this week. And yes, to answer a PP's question, I would have appreciated 2 weeks notice for either of those changes since I had to scramble to move things around to accommodate. I get the two weeks severance and we've done that for our regular nannies, but I didn't think that was standard for someone so part time and given we've only worked together for a total of 5 mos. We also just gave her one week's salary as a holiday bonus so I don't know that we can do two more just a month later.

A card and small gift in this case sound perfectly fine. Its very nice of you to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here - we've been working with college babysitter for about 6 mos. She started off doing 10 hours/week and up until the past month, she has been fairly reliable. Over the holidays she was away for six weeks and in Jan she took on some additional school commitments so she asked to reduce her hours to 6. I had talked with her formally in Nov. about needing more hours since I work part time and since then I've asked lots of times if she can cover us at other days/times. She always says no which is totally fine since I never expect anyone to be available outside of the hours we've agreed on, but it's also led to more conversations about how I think we need more help. I told her yesterday that we were going to look for someone else who has more hours available. I found someone quickly through our neighborhood listserve and timing-wise it makes sense for us to have this be our babysitter's last week. Today when she came in I told her that tomorrow would be her last regular workday but we would love to have her come and watch the kids on weekends if she would be open to that. I also offered to pass along her information and a great reference to a friend if she's interested in still doing some sitting. I know she doesn't "need" the money in the sense that she's not using it to survive, but I'm sure it's nice to have the extra cushion. I do feel badly because I know it probably seemed abrupt, but she's giving us fewer and fewer hours and she's mentioned how hard it is to balance everything so I thought it might actually come as a bit of a relief. She seemed upset but we didn't have time to talk about it because the kids were there and I was rushing to squeeze in a work meeting before I had to be back. Tomorrow I thought I'd have a nice card for her with a small gift certificate to a restaurant I know she likes and maybe some treats for her to have with the kids. I'd like to mark her last "workday" but I don't want it to seem like a final goodbye if she'd like to keep sitting for us. I also mentioned that if she's open to it, we could go ahead and get some dates on the calendar now. I'm fine if she decides not to but thought that might make for a slightly less sudden t ending. Any thoughts about what else (if anything I can do)? I do like her and appreciate the time she's spent with my kids so I obviously don't want to leave on a sour note if we can avoid it.

I think everything you said here sounds perfect. I don't think you need to pay her severance.

[Anonymous]

You asked what the right thing to do was because you know what you're doing is wrong. Her holiday bonus has nothing to do with what you're doing to her now. Two weeks is standard. If you don't want to pay severance, but want to do what is right, let her work these 2 weeks. If you don't care about doing what's right, listen to these MBs here, who are notoriously terrible employers.

[Anonymous]

Think of your children, OP - what would make the transition easiest for them? You should ask her to babysit occasionally and have the kids make her a card.

She was so part time.

[Anonymous]

21:02 - we're not "doing anything to her now" and not all MB's are as awful as you seem to think. She can no longer work the hours we hired her to work so we need to look for someone else. She didn't give us any notice that her schedule was changing or that she was taking on other commitments until after it happened. We've been very supportive of prioritizing education but I can't keep juggling my own work and cancelling my meetings. We've offered to continue on weekends and I think maybe we will do a week's severance. Thanks for the input.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I think this nanny unscheduled herself out of a job. Maybe she didn't like the job all that much and didn't know how to gracefully quit. Who knows. But I don't think you owe her anything else, esp given she made so many schedule changes. Anyone with half a brain would have seen this coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - just to clarify, I guess there is somewhat of a performance issue too in the sense that she came back after the break and didn't work the first week for various school-related reasons (leaving me in the lurch because I had scheduled meetings). Then she abruptly told me she was dropping to 8 hours last week and now to 6 this week. And yes, to answer a PP's question, I would have appreciated 2 weeks notice for either of those changes since I had to scramble to move things around to accommodate. I get the two weeks severance and we've done that for our regular nannies, but I didn't think that was standard for someone so part time and given we've only worked together for a total of 5 mos. We also just gave her one week's salary as a holiday bonus so I don't know that we can do two more just a month later.

Hiring a college student has its ups and its downs. Considering it has only been 6 months, I wouldn't be too concerned for her. I do think it is appropriate to give a severance/bonus and a formal letter of recommendation. What you give as a bonus, if anything, is up to you. A reference letter should definitely be given. How you handle this will most likely determine if she comes back to babysit.

[Anonymous]

This was a very part time babysitter. You do NOT owe her (morally or financially) two weeks notice. You shouldn't feel bad at all about letting her know tomorrow will be her last day. I wouldn't give it a second thought. Six hours is NOTHING.

[Anonymous]

I think it was rude of her to take off a full six weeks during the holidays and since she requested her hours be cut down to a mere six per week, I cannot fathom why she would be upset at you for letting her go during the week.

Sure, you can give her the card and gift card and all, that is very kind of you. I wouldn't do anything else though.

You have been more than kind with her OP.

[Anonymous]

The attitude you all have about not respecting the time and financial commitment of part time nannies and sitters (not necessarily this case) is exactly why it is so hard to find reliable and committed part time help. You can't expect someone else to take your job seriously if you yourself don't even. 2 weeks notice is the professional standard. If you can't or won't give that, severance is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

For such a part time position, severance and notice periods are not standard at all. Further, in this case, your sitter basically scheduled herself out a job.

Your plan to give her a gift card, and options for further sitting is great, OP.