Am I being over sensitive?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my NF for almost 2 years, I'm an after school M-F nanny for two kids in their early teens. Recently, there was a member of my family who was put on hospice due to cancer. I'm a fairly private person and did not want to bring this up to the family, but they asked me to babysit the kids for a weekend and I had to decline, as I didn't want to be unavailable to my family if something were to happen. They then asked me to babysit another night a few days later, and I said I couldn't because the spare time I had I was at the hospital with my family. A few days later, my family member passed away. I never missed a day of work, as the memorial and funeral were both in the early morning and evening. The day I went to the funeral, DB asked how things were going and I let him know my family member passed. He was apologetic and gave me his condolences. The next day, he again asked me to babysit that Saturday so he and MB could have date night. At that point I was a little annoyed, as my family member had just passed and I was still grieving, and I wanted to be with my family that weekend. I thought it was a little rude to ask me to babysit so soon. I told him I would not be available and he replied, "oh because of the dead guy?"
I was taken aback, and although I'm sure he didn't mean it in a rude way, I was offended. I understand he is a doctor and probably has a very thick skin to these kind of things, but I am in my early 20's and have never gone through a death in my family before, so it has been very hard on me. I think he was annoyed that I had declined his babysitting offers for the last few weeks, but what I was going through never interfered with my regular hours with them, I just really couldn't take on any extra babysitting hours. Am I being over sensitive to his remark?

[Anonymous]

No. He was very rude and out of line.

Sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

It was an obnoxious response, but no reason to be annoyed by the request.

[Anonymous]

He was unquestionably rude and callous.

[Anonymous]

I find it pretty rude you turned them down for babysitting so many times in a row. It's pretty hard to find a sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it pretty rude you turned them down for babysitting so many times in a row. It's pretty hard to find a sitter.

I find you pretty rude, please go lurk back under your bridge.. OP I'm sorry for your loss, please ignore this rude troll.

[Anonymous]

sorry for your loss OP. that is a terrible response to any death situation

[Anonymous]

Sorry for Your loss. The only thing I can figure is that maybe he doesn't believe you? Or maybe he thinks it was some relative you haven't seen in 5 years so you're not that upset? Only reason I say this is because you declined several times but never brought up a sick relative, then this person passes and then you decline again.

[Anonymous]

He probably thinks it's odd that you weren't upset enough to take a day off for the funeral yet are too upset to work a Saturday. Weird, and I say this as someone who has lost all grandparents, a sibling, a parent and long time step parent. Just tell him your family is planning one last get together to remember grandpa or whatever.

That said, why can kids in their early teens stay home alone? That is what's really baffling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably thinks it's odd that you weren't upset enough to take a day off for the funeral yet are too upset to work a Saturday. Weird, and I say this as someone who has lost all grandparents, a sibling, a parent and long time step parent. Just tell him your family is planning one last get together to remember grandpa or whatever.

That said, why can kids in their early teens stay home alone? That is what's really baffling.

OP here- I was extremely upset and distraught, however both MB and DB have strict job schedules and I have never called out because they don't have back up child care. Plus I am only there for less than two hours a day and I just had to suck it up for those two hours so MB and DB didn't have to leave work early. I am also Catholic, and there was a 9 day prayer planned that started that Saturday. I wouldn't be able to make it to most of the prayer days because of my nanny job, so I at least wanted to make it to the first one.

[Anonymous]

It wasn't rude of him to ask. Everyone handles grief differently. He might have thought, since you were coming into work, you're the type of person who wants to work and keep busy during your grief.

His comment about the dead guy was very rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably thinks it's odd that you weren't upset enough to take a day off for the funeral yet are too upset to work a Saturday. Weird, and I say this as someone who has lost all grandparents, a sibling, a parent and long time step parent. Just tell him your family is planning one last get together to remember grandpa or whatever.

That said, why can kids in their early teens stay home alone? That is what's really baffling.

OP here- I was extremely upset and distraught, however both MB and DB have strict job schedules and I have never called out because they don't have back up child care. Plus I am only there for less than two hours a day and I just had to suck it up for those two hours so MB and DB didn't have to leave work early. I am also Catholic, and there was a 9 day prayer planned that started that Saturday. I wouldn't be able to make it to most of the prayer days because of my nanny job, so I at least wanted to make it to the first one.

gotcha

[Anonymous]

So sorry for your loss OP. They are idiots for not having back up care. My NF does not either and I had to miss a couple days for a family funeral. It was a huge inconvenience to them. I will never ever work for another family again that has no backup care. Too stressful.

[Anonymous]

It wasn't rude of him to ask. He has no way of knowing that you've never had a family member die before in your life, or that you'd want to pray for nine days or whatever.

Generally when a relative is in hospice, since you know their death is coming you begin grieving before they're already gone. Then, the funeral is almost like closure.

You'd have been better off to say "I can't babysit. My grandfather is dying, so for the next few weeks I won't be available outside of my regular job hours. I'm really sorry, we just have a lot of family things going on right now. But in February I'll be available again."

[Anonymous]

That was rude but if you are close with this family member (who is it? parent, uncle, second cousin, great aunt) then you should be able to tell your employer that. If you were not close, as many people may not be to all of their relatives, going to the funeral and seeing everyone, paying your respects, may be suffice.

Also, the family may want to give you right of first refusal on babysitting jobs. out of courtesy. No big deal.

Finally, many nannies themselves help generate back up care ideas, especially if they are suddenly burdening their NF. They may have friends who babysit or nanny, etc.