Do you talk to you nanny about behavior or just look for someone else?

[Anonymous]

Here is our situation: we have had our nanny for a year and a half. My kids adore her. She is great with the children and responsible. However, she has decided to go to school at nova and better herself. We have been very supportive and think it is great. However, we are noticing more and more that we are no longer a priority. She is constantly asking for time off. We give her two weeks paid vacation and last year she used both weeks and asked for another unpaid. Reluctantly, we were able to give her 4 days unpaid that she requested. She has been back to work for three weeks and is already asking for a week off in the beginning of March. I realize that her vacation days do restart in January. However, she just came back from her vacation. And, she also is asking for some additional half days in the next coming weeks to study. In Addition, her classes started in January and she signed up for classes 30 mins after she leaves us. So, we no longer have any flexibility for her to stay even 15 mins late. When she talked to us about her schedule, she said her classes would start at 7. (Which gave us some flexibility) and, last semester they did start at 7. However, this time she decided to take earlier classes and did not tell us at all. (Until after they started) I think I hit the roof this morning when she asked for additional gas money because she was driving further to go to school. I told her that we give her gas money to take the children to school and play dates.

Sadly, her classes and asking for so much time off all together are making me think at she may not be a good fit anymore. I know that we are no longer a priority and I don't think there is anyway to change that aspect. I think she wants to work part time and get full time pay. Whenever I have discussed with her that we may not be able to accommodate her request for time off because it is eating up my vacation, she doesn't seem to understand. (Or care) Just because I ask for days off at my job, it isn't always approved. Should I talk to her about this or just start looking for someone else?

[Anonymous]

You talk to her - very directly and honestly - and say everything you've said above (without judgment) about the ways in which this no longer seems like a good fit for you or her.

Then you see what she says.

Be prepared to be very specific about what you need for this to continue to work (minimum of 15 minute window of flexibility, sticking to contractual leave - not being able to offer additional, etc...)

If she cannot meet the requirements of the job any longer then you need to look for someone else.

That's a perfectly reasonable conversation to have with someone - especially in the context of "you've been terrific. The kids adore you and I trust you."

[Anonymous]

I second that. People hire nannies to work around the family schedule - they don't switch their schedule around to accommodate the nanny.
If she and your kids are close, and it turns out she no longer is a good fit for the full time job, you can still hire her for babysitting etc.

[Anonymous]

This is why my nanny does not get all vacation at the start of the year. You earn one day per month. If you haven't earned it you can't use it. I'd fire her.

[Anonymous]

Is she live in? Why would she think you would pay for her gas to get to school?

It sounds like she thinks of herself more as a daughter than an employee ...

I agree that it's worth a sit-down, but you need to be up front about the fact that you are considering replacing her. If you are willing, you might also offer part time.

I had to have this discussion with a nanny who was missing a lot of work for various reasons. I gave her the option of continuing full time, but only for another month while we saw how it went, or switching to part time, and I would hire someone else, or she could, of course, leave and find a job that was a better fit.

She wanted to stay on full time. It went badly, and ultimately she switched to part time and I got a second part time nanny. There were some PITA aspects to having two part time nannies, but also some really good and useful aspects. If I had the time to manage employees more, I would probably prefer the two part time people, actually.

[Anonymous]

13:46 here. My nanny also accrues PTO. Doesn't mean she won't ask for more unpaid, but that's another issue.

[Anonymous]

OP thanks for the replies. I have no idea why she would think I was giving gas money for her to get to school. i think she is obviously very comfortable with our arrangement and feels she can ask for things on a regular basis.

Unfortunately, we do need her full time because I have a one year old. And, he needs full time care. Otherwise I would definately switch her to part time. But, she clearly needs the money we pay her for to pay tuition.

[Anonymous]

If your child were older, then you could do a part time preschool and have the nanny switch to part time, but with a one year old, it seems like this isn't going to work out for the time being.

[Anonymous]

OMG! What a horrible person. She has the audacity to put her needs, dreams, and desires above her betters. Bad, bad, bad nanny. Fire her so she can find a job working for decent people.

[Anonymous]

Don't listen to the PP

You should talk to her. She would probably do better in a part time set up and that means she should probably find a new family to work for. It is also strange she asked for gas for school. Have you been paying for her gas to get to school this whole time? It is not your job to pay for you nanny to commute to your home. If she does not want to commute then she needs to find a new family.

[Anonymous]

MB here. I think the situation has progressed beyond talking to her. She has taken a ton of liberties and a conversation won't immediately change her. The expectation of gas money for her commute to school would be, for me, the final straw.

I think you need to tell her you are no longer a good fit and find a nanny who can commit to your job.

[Anonymous]

She might just think you have a flexible schedule and taking vacations especially unpaid (you would use the money for a temp) is okay. There are some families who are flexible. While, you aren't that family, you need to be specific.
As a nanny and student, I make schedule fit around my job. I take my vacations with 2 month advance notice. I don't ask for extra time off or half days. But one thing I'm big on is my end time. I'm not going to adjust my plans after work hours just so you can have the flexibility of coming late. You want that flexibility than you pay for it. My life outside of work is important and nanny jobs are a dime a dozen in my area.

So yes, have a direct and honest conversation about vacations time and half days but don't expect her to reschedule her life outside work to to come get your tardiness. Be on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might just think you have a flexible schedule and taking vacations especially unpaid (you would use the money for a temp) is okay. There are some families who are flexible. While, you aren't that family, you need to be specific.
As a nanny and student, I make schedule fit around my job. I take my vacations with 2 month advance notice. I don't ask for extra time off or half days. But one thing I'm big on is my end time. I'm not going to adjust my plans after work hours just so you can have the flexibility of coming late. You want that flexibility than you pay for it. My life outside of work is important and nanny jobs are a dime a dozen in my area.

So yes, have a direct and honest conversation about vacations time and half days but don't expect her to reschedule her life outside work to to come get your tardiness. Be on time.

Accommodate*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I think the situation has progressed beyond talking to her. She has taken a ton of liberties and a conversation won't immediately change her. The expectation of gas money for her commute to school would be, for me, the final straw.

I think you need to tell her you are no longer a good fit and find a nanny who can commit to your job.

Agreed. Her priorities are elsewhere. Time for her to find a new job.

[Anonymous]

Start looking and interviewing now.
Talk with her about the changes and poor fit.
Be ready to fire her with 1-2 weeks severance ASAP. I doubt she will change her current course of decisions or actions.