Maintaining a relationship after the job is over

[Anonymous]

I recently left the nanny position that I held for 5 years. Needless to say I became REALLY attached to the kids over the years. The boys were 2 and 5 months when I started and both are in school full time now. My question is this, what is appropriate when trying to stay in touch with the kids? The parents have made an effort to call me every couple of weeks so I can talk to the kids and plan to do a monthly date night to keep in touch. I was thinking of asking if I could come pick the boys up for an afternoon to do something fun. I obviously don't want or expect to be paid for this. Yet I do want them to still pay me for date nights as I don't work Saturday night for free. How should I bring this up to the parents? I want us to all be clear on when I'm being paid but also don't want to have our relationship be strictly professional. Is there even a way to make something like this work? I've stayed in contact with the first family I was a nanny for but they haven't paid me for watching their son since I stopped being his nanny. So this is entirely new territory for me.

[Anonymous]

Just stick to your paid babysitting nights.

[Anonymous]

I've done this. When something comes up that I think the kids would really like, I call up the parents and say, "I really wanted to take X and Y to ______." Are they free that night?" Then if parents offer to pay, I decline and say, "Oh, I can't charge you for this, it was my idea!"

[Anonymous]

I think you can say "I'd love to keep in touch with the kids after working with them for so many years. If you ever have an extra ticket or space, I'd love to see them at their next [sports game or dance recital or school play - whatever it is the kids do]. Also, if you ever need a date night babysitter, I'd be happy to do it."

My friend still invites the nanny who watched her son in the early years to birthday parties, and along for occasional outings at a museum. Our previous care provider is still our go-to person for weekend sitting, and the two times we've needed overnight care. I think it's natural for the parents to default to you when they need back-up since you have an established report with the kids, know how the family generally likes things done, and for the kids it's fun to get to see you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just stick to your paid babysitting nights.

I agree with this.

This would be the best for everyone involved.

Anything more than this will just complicate matters on both ends.

Seeing the kids once a month on the date nights should be sufficient along with your phone calls.

[Anonymous]

I'd say something like "there's X activity on X day. I'd love to take the kids, my treat."

[Anonymous]

Date night once a month is enough. Don't try and pick them up for an activity.

[Anonymous]

I do this. I usually say what someone upthread said, invite the kids to something and say it'll be my treat. It works wonderfully, I'm still their occasional babysitter but I get to hang out with the kids on my terms as well.

[Anonymous]

We have a great relationship with our kids' former nanny of almost ten years, but when she takes the kids she isn't paid. She does it at this point because she misses and wants to see them. They do a sleepover at her house about 3x/year, plus one or two other outings. We also see each other as families (she is now married) about 3x/year. So the relationship is still there, but it's more like family and less like a nanny/charge relationship. She left several years ago and this works well for all of us. Seems hard to mix something like this with something paid, too. I think you kind of have to decide which way it's going to go.