Nanny's first day... How does this work?

[Anonymous]

We are really happy with the nanny starting in a few weeks for our 4 month old DS when I go back to work. I'm a FTM and not
sure how the transition goes. I am not interested in a "trial day" or "shadow" that I have read about here, but do I have the nanny come before start day to go over things like DS schedule, where his clothes, bottles, stroller, etc are? Or do I just go over all that the day she starts?
She many years of experience so I'm hoping she will prompt me in asking anything else she needs to know, but am I
Missing other big topics to discuss with her besides those few basics I listed? Thanks in advance for any feedback!

[Anonymous]

You best approach is to ask her what she prefers.
Congratulations and good luck!

[Anonymous]

You should really do the shadow day. That's when you show get where everything is and answer all her questions plus let the baby see you are comfortable with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are really happy with the nanny starting in a few weeks for our 4 month old DS when I go back to work. I'm a FTM and not
sure how the transition goes. I am not interested in a "trial day" or "shadow" that I have read about here, but do I have the nanny come before start day to go over things like DS schedule, where his clothes, bottles, stroller, etc are? Or do I just go over all that the day she starts?
She many years of experience so I'm hoping she will prompt me in asking anything else she needs to know, but am I
Missing other big topics to discuss with her besides those few basics I listed? Thanks in advance for any feedback!

Just let her do her own things with her expertise. Show her of course where you keep certain things in your home and such, but I'm sure she can figure out the best schedule for the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You best approach is to ask her what she prefers.
Congratulations and good luck!

*Your

[Anonymous]

I agree that the shadow day is really useful. Basically, you just go through a normal day, but she gets to see you in action. Instead of you trying to remember and verbally tell her every detail of each routine, she just watches and asks questions as they arise. Yes, she may be experienced, but you are the expert on YOUR baby and there will be many things that you do a certain way that you may not even reLize have dozens of variations between families!

[Anonymous]

MB here. I think a day or two of some level of overlap is extremely helpful. I also think exactly how it's structured, and how much time is involved, is a function of the individuals involved so asking your soon to be nanny what she might prefer is a good idea.

There will be things you will forget to mention, or may feel more anxious about that you expected, or you might feel conflicted about leaving the baby in a way you don't expect, or your child might be going through an evolution in sleep patterns, etc... All of these things make a bit of overlapping time a good idea.

Also, no matter how experienced the nanny, or how laid back the parents, there are variations in style/approach to caregiving. You might not have thought all of that through until you're handing the baby to someone, or coming home at the end of the day away.

Just as an example, when our nanny started I thought I'd done everything right, she was phenominally qualified, I was pretty relaxed, the kids were healthy/happy, I felt good about going back to work, etc... I came home at the end of the first day to find that the nap schedule I'd worked so hard to establish had been completely disregarded. I had totally failed to make clear one of the only things I felt most strongly about maintaining. Once I did, it was totally fine. Her approach had been different but she was perfectly able and willing to follow the established pattern - I just hadn't mentioned it.

That may sound silly (I feel ridiculous looking back on that incident) but by the time you go back to work you will have established way more patterns of behavior and caregiving than you might have realized. And there may be some that are really important to you and others that you're very flexible about. Having some time w/ both you and the nanny together will help ferret those things out, instead of having the backtrack after misunderstandings.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

One morning of shadowing is enough.
A whole day is way too long and boring for the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your help! I think I will have the nanny over before I start and go over everything.

[Anonymous]

I would do one or two days of overlap, but plan to run errands and get things done for yourself those days too - so be around an hour or two - let her try an hour or two - come back - answer more questions etc. My nanny had 20 years of experience and I wasn't able to stay for a day of overlap, but I sent my mom over - she still needed someone to show here where things were, answer questions - all kids like things differently, so it doesn't matter how many years of experience a nanny has - you'll make her life easier and transition better if you can point out some helpful hints.

[Anonymous]

Why are you against a shadow day? She will never know what you prefer if you don't do it. It would work will if she just shadowed you in the morning and you could just relax and let her do her thing in the afternoon. My first nanny was experienced, but had never taken care of a breastfeeding infant and definitely needed me around the first day to explain all that.

[Anonymous]

Some sort of "shadowing" morning is fine, but of course you should pay her for it. It would probably be very helpful for her if you write out the baby's schedule, bottle amounts, preferences, etc. She will get to know your baby quickly, but in the first few days, it will be very helpful for her to have something like that for a reference.

[Anonymous]

I say either/or.

Whichever she prefers.

She can come briefly one day and you can show her or she can come early on her first day and you can show her then.