Oh shit, should we have gotten our nanny a gift?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny gave us a very nice gift. She also gave a small gift to our three children.

We did not get her a gift, but we will do an end of the year bonus on her next check.

With our previous nanny there was no gift exchange. She didn't give us gifts, and we didn't give her gifts. It never crossed my mind that our new nanny may do things differently. Is that the norm? We really do appreciate her, we just have been rushed and never thought that she might give us a gift.

Parents? What's the consensus? She didn't seem like she was expecting a gift before she left. She just did her normal evening routine and told us she'd see us in a week and to have a Merry Christmas. I feel bad, and don't know if I should give a gift that won't be given to her until after the holidays. It may be too obviously a "Oh crap we forgot about you" kind of gift.

Advice?

[Anonymous]

In my experience there's always some type of gift exchange. I'd send her a bonus now if you can. If you don't have her address, text her and ask for it and say you forgot to give her a Xmas card then send her bonus in it. She'll be disappointed if you don't do anything. It really is the norm, your past nanny was the outlier.

[Anonymous]

I always give the children a gift usually around the $30 dollar mark. I almost always get nice gifts from the family and children. And usually 1-2 weeks bonus.

[Anonymous]

No. It's super weird that the nanny got you a gift. Gifts should flow down.

[Anonymous]

I gave my charges a couple gifts each. My NF also gave me a gift but even if they hadn't it wouldn't have made me feel any different. I gave my charges gifts because I care about them not because I wanted the parents to give me something too.

[Anonymous]

Our nannies have always given us gifts. We usually give them a personal gift plus a bonus. However, I think just a bonus in a card is fine on their last working day before Christmas.

[Anonymous]

If you want to avoid the obvious "oh crap we forgot" gift, give her something that can be delivered electronically on Christmas. Amazon or iTunes gift card, pandora subscription, etc. It's also not completely necessary along with the bonus. I'm sure she'll appreciate it, even if it's just the bonus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It's super weird that the nanny got you a gift. Gifts should flow down.

So no one should give gifts to anyone who makes more than them?

[Anonymous]

We give our nanny gifts (she's also a big gift giver).

Also, we make sure to give her her bonus before she leaves for the holidays.

You could always send her flowers or something. But you could also send her an email and thank her for the gifts and let her know that she will be receiving a year-end bonus with the regularly scheduled payroll (that way she knows it isn't just an afterthought.)

[Anonymous]

The whole "gifts should flow down" thing is ridiculous.
It is so insulting to give someone a gift, only to have them say "oh, I really wish you hadn't done this."
Accept it gracefully and just accept the fact that you have a caring, kind nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole "gifts should flow down" thing is ridiculous.
It is so insulting to give someone a gift, only to have them say "oh, I really wish you hadn't done this."
Accept it gracefully and just accept the fact that you have a caring, kind nanny.

Exactly. I don't think of myself as "below" you, so I see no reason why I can't give you a gift. If you expressed this "gifts should flow down" crap, I'd probably start looking for a new job where I'm looked at like an equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole "gifts should flow down" thing is ridiculous.
It is so insulting to give someone a gift, only to have them say "oh, I really wish you hadn't done this."
Accept it gracefully and just accept the fact that you have a caring, kind nanny.

Exactly. I don't think of myself as "below" you, so I see no reason why I can't give you a gift. If you expressed this "gifts should flow down" crap, I'd probably start looking for a new job where I'm looked at like an equal.

+1

I always give gifts to my NF who make 8X more than me.

Its the thought.

[Anonymous]

You should have given her her bonus before she left for the holidays if she has this week off.
She is probably feeling very unappreciated right now.
I normally dont think you need to do a gift from you, maybe something from the kids.
In this case though I think you screwed up in doing nothing before she left so you could do flowers or something small along with the bonus.

[Anonymous]

The bonus before Christmas would have been gift enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have given her her bonus before she left for the holidays if she has this week off.
She is probably feeling very unappreciated right now.
I normally dont think you need to do a gift from you, maybe something from the kids.
In this case though I think you screwed up in doing nothing before she left so you could do flowers or something small along with the bonus.

She didn't seem upset.