I saw my nanny's boyfriend cheating - do I tell her?

[Anonymous]

MB here. I know some will call troll but I'm not. My nanny is a wonderful young woman. She is dating a man a little older than herself. We are in the same law industry and she showed me a picture of them. I recognized him immediately. I work closely with his office. The shocking part is she said they have been together for a year but I've seen him with multiple women ( holding hands, kidding, etc.). He is known as a player around the offices. I feel guilty knowing this information. My DH said stay out of it but I don't like seeing her talk about their great relationship and plans with him knowing he is cheating. Nannies what would you prefer an employer do in this situation?

[Anonymous]

How do you know they're exclusive?
If your boss saw your husband out with a woman, would you want her to tell you? Seems like a very awkward conversation.

[Anonymous]

No, of course do not tell her. She will only hate you for it. You are not her friend, OP, and if she does believe you - she will resent you for knowing; if she doesn't believe you - she will resent you for bad-mouthing her boyfriend. Lose/lose.

[Anonymous]

Send her an anonymous letter and tell her what you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know they're exclusive?
If your boss saw your husband out with a woman, would you want her to tell you? Seems like a very awkward conversation.

I have a great relationship with our nanny. I know for a fact they are exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. Not enough facts here or "catching in the act" to set off a cycle of drama. Yuck. Sounds like drama-ville high school or something. Who has time for that?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know they're exclusive?
If your boss saw your husband out with a woman, would you want her to tell you? Seems like a very awkward conversation.

I have a great relationship with our nanny. I know for a fact they are exclusive.

Perhaps she gives him a hall pass sometimes? Or they have an open relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know they're exclusive?
If your boss saw your husband out with a woman, would you want her to tell you? Seems like a very awkward conversation.

I have a great relationship with our nanny. I know for a fact they are exclusive.

I have a great relationship with my nanny family. They definitely don't know the ins and outs of my relationship and would probably be shocked if they saw my girlfriend out with someone else too. I, on the other hand, would not.
It's none of your business. There is no way you telling her will end well, for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I know some will call troll but I'm not. My nanny is a wonderful young woman. She is dating a man a little older than herself. We are in the same law industry and she showed me a picture of them. I recognized him immediately. I work closely with his office. The shocking part is she said they have been together for a year but I've seen him with multiple women ( holding hands, kidding, etc.). He is known as a player around the offices. I feel guilty knowing this information. My DH said stay out of it but I don't like seeing her talk about their great relationship and plans with him knowing he is cheating. Nannies what would you prefer an employer do in this situation?[/quote




Take some pictures and show her the true ...

[Anonymous]

I'd want to know.

[Anonymous]

Do you wa n t to be told if someone sees your DH gooling around. This. Is something you do not tell her anout.

[Anonymous]

I would want to know. Anonymous letter.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. That rule about good fences make good neighbors is true for nanny/employer relationships also. A solid work/personal boundary serves everyone well. If you get involved in her personal life this way it will complicate the relationship for you greatly, and might be extremely difficult for her as well.

Your nanny is not your best friend. Stay out of her personal life as much as possible.

Also, imagine the relationship ending in a probably predictably dramatic and painful way for her. Perhaps it would be far better for her to be able to go to her job and know that's a refuge from what's going on in her personal life. You don't want an employee who sees you as a confidante on a day when you really need her to be at her best on the job - right?

[Anonymous]

I would tell her because I would want to know if it was my BF/DH. She could do whatever she wanted with the information and I wouldn't bring the subject up again.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her only what I saw, + that is him holding hand and kidding w/other women, etc. Do not use the word "cheating" when telling her what you saw. Let your nanny determine if that is what he is doing. Just state the facts and let her decide what to do w/the information.

But yes, I think you should tell her what you know.

As your nanny, if I had a close working relationship w/you and I was in your home on a regular basis, taking excellent care of your children, then later found out you had first-hand knowledge that my boyfriend was holding hands w/other women and never disclosed that to me, I would feel very betrayed by that fact. Unfair? Maybe, but life is seldom fair.