baby not eating or sleeping enough at nanny share
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Anonymous
| Our baby just started at a nanny share which is being hosted at the other couple's home. He's a really easy going baby, BUT he does not give great eating or sleeping cues, and doesn't just fall asleep like many babies seem to do. Getting him to nap takes some work (quiet, dark space and winding down time prior), but is essential for his nighttime sleep (and general health, I believe, at this age). So far the nanny hasn't been getting him to nap much (maybe 15 - 30 mins twice per day) and also hasn't been feeding him enough, so he comes home strung out and starving. I realize this is the first week, and it takes time to adjust, but I'm not sure what to do. I've tried to set up a nice quiet and dark space for him to nap in their home (with sound machine, lovey, sleep sack, etc.) but she hasn't been using it. With two small babies it may just not be feasible for her to put him down there, but he doesn't nap with noise and distraction (unlike the other baby who can and will nap anywhere). I feel guilty because he's obviously having a hard time and also because I don't know how to help the nanny. I'm also exhausted because he's been up every 30 mins - 2 hrs at night since starting the share, I think partly because he's overtired and partly because he's now getting most of his calories in at night. I've tried "tanking him up" in the morning before I drop him off and when he comes home, but that doesn't seem to be working. Does anyone with nanny share experience have any ideas or tips? I'm worried my baby may just not be the right fit for that environment and nanny, but I really want it to work out. |
Anonymous
| How old is your baby? |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you have a high needs baby would would benefit from one on one care from a nanny at your house. Otherwise, you'll have to hope he'll adjust. |
Anonymous
| OP here: 4 months old. |
Anonymous
|
OP, do not listen to the PP who said you have a high needs baby. That is just ridiculous.
You have a baby who is overtired and underfed. Any decent nanny would be able to devote 10-15 minutes to a successful sleep routine each nap (yes, even with TWO babies). I can't even imagine how incompetent she is if she us unable to even feed your baby enough, smh. If you really want to keep this nanny, you are going to need to give some pretty explicit instructions and plan a detailed schedule, including times and amounts of feeding, times and lengths of naps required, a quiet place that your baby can nap (work this out with the host family) and a set routine that needs to be followed to get baby to sleep. Honestly though, unless things improve pretty quickly, you might be better off cutting your losses and finding a new nanny right now. Good luck |
Anonymous
| He hasn't been using what? The area you set up for him to nap? How do you know how much she's feeding him? |
Anonymous
| Thanks, PP. At home we follow an eat, play, sleep routine and he's pretty regular about staying awake for only 2 hours and then I take him to his room, turn on the sound machine, sway a little, and boom, lights out. But he doesn't cry or rub his eyes when he's tired and I'm sure if I kept playing with him he would just stay up until he was overtired. I'll reiterate to the nanny that he needs his routine but I'm not sure what she will do if my son is ready for a nap and the other baby is crying, though this is why we hired someone who was experienced with nanny shares -- thought she would know how to do it! I'm worried the other PP may be right that he needs a one-on-one care experience, which we simply can't afford. |
Anonymous
Calm the hell down. It's been a friggin week. Even exceptional nannies need a little time to get used to a new schedule. |
Anonymous
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Has your nanny worked in a share before or cared for infant twins? She doesn't sound like she has if she can't manage to put the child down in the quiet spot and feed the baby on a schedule. I'm sorry but this sounds like the nanny not your baby. I've been in three long term shares all starting as infants and within the first week I was able to establish a decent routine and by the end of the month both children were sleep trained for naps. I don't understand how she could not be feeding your baby enough unless he isn't bottle trained yet. I'd check in with the nanny for a detail explanation of her routine and what she thinks the problem is. Some children take awhile to adjust to napping in new settings but not eating is not common and a warning sign.
To help with naps sleep with a blanket so it has you scent on it and have place it near your baby during naps. |
Anonymous
| Yes, she doesn't put him down to sleep in the space I set up for him to nap. Instead she puts him in a bouncer seat in the living room and bounces the seat with her foot (which, I imagine is why he wakes up so quickly). I know how much she's feeding him because I ask her how much he's eaten when I pick him up... pretty thing to do I thought... |
Anonymous
If she can't calm two babies at once and stay on a schedule (or at least know when to let one be fussy or cry for a little bit while attending to the other) than she is not as experienced as she is making herself out to be. Plenty of babies don't give sleep cues, and usually once they do it's past the point of no return. This is why schedules, ESPECIALLY with multiples, are essential. Try working one out with her and if she is unable/unwilling find a nanny who can. You don't need one-on-one care, you just need a competent nanny. |
Anonymous
| *pretty standard |
Anonymous
What does this mean? |
Anonymous
Got it. Where is the other baby when she's got your kid in the bouncer? |
Anonymous
No she shouldn't calm the hell down. As a nanny who does only shares for the past 8years this is a huge sign of a nanny's lack of experience, at least the feeding part. Her baby should not be underfed. What the hell is the nanny doing that she can't keep a feeding schedule. Napping may take some time but feeding shouldn't be an issue. If the baby isn't sleeping or eating tha im assuming he's crying all day and overstressed. This is a major concern. I've met a lot of nannies who just can't handle multiples/shares so it's not a far reach to say she's not the right fit if she can't manage to fed the baby |