Am I overreacting? Car seat issue

[Anonymous]

DC recently turned 2. We have him rear-facing in our cars, as well as in our nanny's car. I believe in ERF, so he'll be like that as long as the seat allows.

DH and I just got back from vacation. MIL stayed in our home to take care of DC in the evenings, and Nanny still came during the day. MIL and Nanny are less than 10 years apart in age, and they get along relatively well. MIL was saying how Nanny thinks the car seat in her car is too small because DC's legs are flexed and that because DC is 2, it should be turned around. While those are common misconceptions, I didn't get too annoyed, those are things I just need to explain better to Nanny. But then for some reason, I asked MIL how DC was sitting in Nanny's car, and she said forward facing! I tried to ask MIL some more questions about it, but then she just acted confused. I know for a fact that the car seat was rear facing 2 weeks ago, so it would have been something recent (and possibly even something MIL helped with, although she looked confused when I asked her that question, too.)

If the car seat is in fact forward facing (although who knows if I'll find out that truth at this point -- even if it had been forward facing, MIL could have texted her to tell her to turn it around before we see her Monday morning), I'm debating whether this is an offense worthy of termination. (1) It's a major safety issue that she made a decision about without permission. I think she may not even understand how big of a safety issue it is. (2) Who knows if it's even installed correctly forward-facing? Those seats need all sorts of adjustments to go from rear to forward-facing, and I'm sure neither Nanny nor my MIL are aware of that.

DH thinks I'm overreacting. If the seat is forward facing, DH thinks we should just explain to her the importance of ERF and turn the seat back around, and not make a huge deal about it.

Am I overreacting? I've had some minor issues with our nanny, and maybe this is just the final straw...

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for your DCs future growing up with you, you are a pill.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't think you are necessarily overreacting. Its huge safety concern that your nanny may have decided to not comply with. I would address the issue head on with her personally with her and go from there. This may not be the last time she flips him forward, if she Ian truly misinformed about ERF. As a nanny I would never drive littles in my care forward facing under the age of, at least three and I actually worked for a family who forward faced little who was under the age of two and still wanted me drive said child. Needless to say, they allowed me to continue driving little in the rear facing position. Signed ERF driving nanny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for your DCs future growing up with you, you are a pill.

OP here. Why am I a pill? Because I care about my child's safety?

[Anonymous]

I would be incredibly angry. While it would appropriate for the nanny to raise those concerns to you, it is absolutely out of line for her to turn the car seat around without telling you. I would talk to her about it and tell her that your MIL told you it was turned around and see where it goes from there. For what it's worth, I would also be angry that MIL was involved in this without speaking to you or DH

[Anonymous]

I would not allow nanny to drive your child if she is not rf. Simple to me. We rf till four and 40 pounds so I think you are being reasonable.

[Anonymous]

it sounds like you're getting very upset without having all of the information. It also sounds like you think -- since nanny and MIL are close in age -- that they are ganging up on you. If it's an issue you feel strongly about, and clearly it is, you should talk to the nanny and find out all of the facts before you get upset. If you are so inclined, you could also explain to her why you feel ERF is best.

[Anonymous]

In all honesty, I do not know about what is safe in regards to the direction of the car seat, but what I can tell you is that if you tell your nanny to have the car seat faced a certain direction and if your nanny does not follow your instructions to a "T," then in my opinion, that gives you a good reason to terminate her.

I am both a mother and a nanny and I would never go against my boss's instructions unless of course she asked me to do something which I felt would put her child at harm. I also think you should have a serious talk with your MIL since she is at fault here too for possibly helping your nanny change the position of the car seat.

[Anonymous]

I remember when it was forward facing at 12 months. Those were the days ! Now age 3 um hell no

[Anonymous]

I think you need to find out all the facts before you do anything.

You don't know for sure what happened and you could fire a good nanny for no reason.

For all you know your MIL could be playing you.

Have a calm discussion with your nanny, and hear her side and reiterate how you want your child seated.

[Anonymous]

My 2 year old uses just a booster with a back. You all are crazy.

[Anonymous]

This looks really comfortable! @@

[Anonymous]

My child rf till four. It was not a big deal and much safer.

[Anonymous]

MB here, whose parents (unfortunately) sometimes communicate too much directly with the nanny. I think you just need to correct position of the seat, stress your requirements to the nanny and move on. Here is rationale:

A. If you allow direct contact between grand parents and the nanny, you can't control what is said, and you can't blame the nanny for not distinguishing between your wishes and your MIL. No matter how much you tell the nanny that YOU are the boss, what is nanny supposed to do when MIL might "suggest" something, and how is nanny to know that MIL doesn't speak for you, especially if you are on a long trip? We had several instances when my mom would tell nanny "let's do X", nanny might say "well, I don't think MB would want me to do X", and my mom would say "don't mind MB, she is young, X is definitely better". You can't blame the nanny for doing X in this situation.

B. In terms of how car seats are installed in nanny's car, you can't have an expectation, that she will never remove the car seats to have extra room in her car for weekends/after hours. If you don't trust the nanny to correctly install the car seats (and I wouldn't trust my current nanny, for example), you need to either provide your own vehicle for kids' transport, or inspect the installation every Monday, or whenever car seats are moved.

C. The only reason this can be raised to a written warning situation, if you repeatedly stressed to the nanny that she is not to FF your DC AND that she is to ignore all MIL "suggestions" and any MIL's opinions regarding raising kids. If none of those thing was stressed before, sorry, you can't blame the nanny.

And by the way, as a mom with a PhD is statistics related field, who directly looked up all and read all related studies on RF vs FF and at different ages, I can tell you there is NO scientific proof that RF till manufacturer suggested age saves lifes/ prevents significant injury. There are articles that populous media spinned into something related. And this is one of the times that I think that AAP went with definitely not harmful, but not proven recommendation. I FF my kids at 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2 year old uses just a booster with a back. You all are crazy.

No, you are crazy. Children under the age of 5 are not mature enough physically or emotionally to sit in a booster. A booster keeps a child safe by keeping the seatbelt in the correct position. A 2 year old doesn't have the maturity to sit correctly 100% of the time, not to mention they are at risk of submaring under the belt because of their size. In a serious accident your child could be seriously injured or killed. That's not propaganda or fear mongering, that is a fact. Do some research on car seat safety.

OP, I would be livid if my nanny turned my child's carseat without consulting me. I would have a serious discussion with her and let her know that it is not acceptable. As far as terminating her, that would depend on the relationship and how she reacted to your discussion.