Can't seem to do right by mother

[Anonymous]

I just started a new job 2 months ago, and I've been really happy, until the last 2 or so weeks. I feel as though I'm walking on eggshells with the mother. I took some cute pictures of the baby and a little video, and I sent them to her, only to be met with a lukewarm
response. What mom wouldn't be happy with pictures of her baby? Moms and dads that I've worked for before have even asked me if I would do that.

Last week she freaked out by a picture taken of him on the floor, lying on a blanket. She seems to take nearly every thing I do with trepidation. She's really nice sometimes, but I'm dreading sometimes coming to work for fear of what I will do or say with the little boy.

I'm going to guess that it might be post partum depression? The baby is 3 months old.

I really don't want to start job hunting again, but on the other hand, I'm not that happy here lately. When she travels, I feel a sense of relief.

Sorry if this post is discombobulted......any advice?

[Anonymous]

Discombobulated!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she doesn't want you to be taking pics and videos of her child and is upset with herself for forgetting to put that in her contract.

[Anonymous]

The videos and pics are for her and the dad.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe you are being a little over sensitive? MB is not a gushing type of person and has a busy job. You would probably perceive her response as lukewarm as well, when in reality it is just a hurried response during a busy day.
May you should cut down on how much you send them?

I don't know. Something about your post screams insecurity, sensitivity and inexperience.

[Anonymous]

Let me give a possible other perspective, as an MB. Maybe she's a first time mom, newly back to work, seriously struggling w/ all the myriad ways a new mother can feel guilty/inadequate/torn about the choices she's making. Maybe she's incredibly unsure of how to be an employer. Maybe it scares her to turn over her newborn to anyone else, maybe it worries her that it's easy for her to do and other people are telling her she should be at home. Maybe she feels like you (the nanny) seem so much more assured and confident with the baby than she does.

Maybe she just feels internally conflicted and unsure in a hundred ways that have nothing to do with you personally.

Talk to her. Ask to just sit down and touch base. Tell her that you're not always sure if you're doing what she wants (cite specifics like sending her photos during the day) and you want her to feel confident and comfortable leaving her child in your care. Ask what you can do that would be most helpful. Ask if she feels safe trusting you. Ask if you can touch base like this every couple of months just to make sure you can feel like you're doing the best possible job.

Remember that you are the professional and you are experienced at being a nanny. She is a rookie at being a mom AND at being an employer of a nanny. So take things less personally and instead, focus on establishing solid, regular, clear communication with her. Maybe email will be your answer, or maybe a once a month touch base, whatever... Maybe the father is part of the solution also. But remember that you're the experienced one here and she may really be trying to find her footing in some very emotional waters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me give a possible other perspective, as an MB. Maybe she's a first time mom, newly back to work, seriously struggling w/ all the myriad ways a new mother can feel guilty/inadequate/torn about the choices she's making. Maybe she's incredibly unsure of how to be an employer. Maybe it scares her to turn over her newborn to anyone else, maybe it worries her that it's easy for her to do and other people are telling her she should be at home. Maybe she feels like you (the nanny) seem so much more assured and confident with the baby than she does.

Maybe she just feels internally conflicted and unsure in a hundred ways that have nothing to do with you personally.

Talk to her. Ask to just sit down and touch base. Tell her that you're not always sure if you're doing what she wants (cite specifics like sending her photos during the day) and you want her to feel confident and comfortable leaving her child in your care. Ask what you can do that would be most helpful. Ask if she feels safe trusting you. Ask if you can touch base like this every couple of months just to make sure you can feel like you're doing the best possible job.

Remember that you are the professional and you are experienced at being a nanny. She is a rookie at being a mom AND at being an employer of a nanny. So take things less personally and instead, focus on establishing solid, regular, clear communication with her. Maybe email will be your answer, or maybe a once a month touch base, whatever... Maybe the father is part of the solution also. But remember that you're the experienced one here and she may really be trying to find her footing in some very emotional waters.

Op here, thank you so much for this response. I will definitely take this to heart!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me give a possible other perspective, as an MB. Maybe she's a first time mom, newly back to work, seriously struggling w/ all the myriad ways a new mother can feel guilty/inadequate/torn about the choices she's making. Maybe she's incredibly unsure of how to be an employer. Maybe it scares her to turn over her newborn to anyone else, maybe it worries her that it's easy for her to do and other people are telling her she should be at home. Maybe she feels like you (the nanny) seem so much more assured and confident with the baby than she does.

Maybe she just feels internally conflicted and unsure in a hundred ways that have nothing to do with you personally.

Talk to her. Ask to just sit down and touch base. Tell her that you're not always sure if you're doing what she wants (cite specifics like sending her photos during the day) and you want her to feel confident and comfortable leaving her child in your care. Ask what you can do that would be most helpful. Ask if she feels safe trusting you. Ask if you can touch base like this every couple of months just to make sure you can feel like you're doing the best possible job.

Remember that you are the professional and you are experienced at being a nanny. She is a rookie at being a mom AND at being an employer of a nanny. So take things less personally and instead, focus on establishing solid, regular, clear communication with her. Maybe email will be your answer, or maybe a once a month touch base, whatever... Maybe the father is part of the solution also. But remember that you're the experienced one here and she may really be trying to find her footing in some very emotional waters.

Op here, thank you so much for this response. I will definitely take this to heart!

You're welcome! I hope it helps.

I speak from experience - it's really hard to juggle all the stuff I listed above, and that's just the first layer of insecurity/anxiety! You sound very conscientious and engaged, I'd be willing to bet this isn't about you at all. But being able to communicate well is really a great thing if you can start building that. Focus on the job - the specifics of the work, the details, etc... - try to steer clear of all the gazillion emotional elements, and it will be easier for everyone. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me give a possible other perspective, as an MB. Maybe she's a first time mom, newly back to work, seriously struggling w/ all the myriad ways a new mother can feel guilty/inadequate/torn about the choices she's making. Maybe she's incredibly unsure of how to be an employer. Maybe it scares her to turn over her newborn to anyone else, maybe it worries her that it's easy for her to do and other people are telling her she should be at home. Maybe she feels like you (the nanny) seem so much more assured and confident with the baby than she does.

Maybe she just feels internally conflicted and unsure in a hundred ways that have nothing to do with you personally.

Talk to her. Ask to just sit down and touch base. Tell her that you're not always sure if you're doing what she wants (cite specifics like sending her photos during the day) and you want her to feel confident and comfortable leaving her child in your care. Ask what you can do that would be most helpful. Ask if she feels safe trusting you. Ask if you can touch base like this every couple of months just to make sure you can feel like you're doing the best possible job.

Remember that you are the professional and you are experienced at being a nanny. She is a rookie at being a mom AND at being an employer of a nanny. So take things less personally and instead, focus on establishing solid, regular, clear communication with her. Maybe email will be your answer, or maybe a once a month touch base, whatever... Maybe the father is part of the solution also. But remember that you're the experienced one here and she may really be trying to find her footing in some very emotional waters.

Op here, thank you so much for this response. I will definitely take this to heart!

You're welcome! I hope it helps.

I speak from experience - it's really hard to juggle all the stuff I listed above, and that's just the first layer of insecurity/anxiety! You sound very conscientious and engaged, I'd be willing to bet this isn't about you at all. But being able to communicate well is really a great thing if you can start building that. Focus on the job - the specifics of the work, the details, etc... - try to steer clear of all the gazillion emotional elements, and it will be easier for everyone. Good luck!

You sound like the most wonderful mom, and a nanny's dream?

[Anonymous]

You will never be able to please her. Find another job with someone who appreciates you.