What to do when the job changes

[Anonymous]

I am in a tough situation with my NF. Their DD has had some unexpected developmental problems. She requires special care to perform normal activities. it mostly comes down to taking significantly longer to perform even simple tasks. I think her parents see it as a normal job that required a patient caregiver. The thing is though I don't have the experience or training managing this level of stress. If you have ever cared for a baby with SN then maybe it's easier to understand, but I now know that as good as I am at my job I am no power ranger. There are times where we are both crying in frustration. Days when I want to walk out the front door and give up.

Another issue is that I did not anticipate being a special needs caregiver. It just sort of happened. At first I agreed to help with parts of her care that needed to happen during my hours. Now I am implementing a full therapeutic plan. I would want to take on this kind of job because I am passionate about helping kids with special needs, have it be a mindful, intentional choice. Instead, it feels like job creep.

The isolation is also difficult. We can't go to play groups or host them. There is no time to meet up with other kids/nannies. So I feel very alone.

Am I being incredibly selfish? How do I bring up my needs without minimizing the importance of DD's?

[Anonymous]

I think you have to move on.
This not job creep it is the reality of caring for this little girl.
In spite of what you say you don't have what it takes to care for a child with special needs.
This little girl deserves a nanny that is up to the task.
I am not blaming you OP or calling you a terrible person caring for a child with special needs takes a lot.
Best to move on and let someone who can do it take over

[Anonymous]

Hi Op. I'm sorry. This sounds tough for you, and for the child and family also.

I think your title is more accurate than your message - this seems like a change in the job, not job creep. And it sounds like the reality of what this family needs right now may mean the job is not a good fit for you.

That's perfectly fair if that's the case. Just give them plenty of notice so they can find someone who is a better fit and you can find a better opportunity for you.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP Here: It sounds like my title wasn't the best description of the issue. Having said that, the reason I called it job creep is because MB has ignored my repeated attempts to explain that DC deserves a qualified special needs caregiver, while also steadily also increasing the number of hours I spend doing daily therapy. I agreed to 30 minutes more here and 30 minutes more there. One day I took stock and realized I was spending half of my day doing therapeutic tasks. Maybe there is a better term for this then job creep so I hope my explanation makes more sense.

I would want DD to have a nanny who knew that special needs was her calling and wanted to take on the challenge. I just think it should be someones choice to do this type of work rather then having the job slowly evolve into something they do not recognize.

[Anonymous]

Well OP, on one hand if this was something you wanted to have on your resume so you can open yourself up to a wider range of jobs later, then it would be a great opportunity. But on the other if you're sure this isn't what you want to do then, it's good you recognize it and know to move on. It's a tough situation to be in but it sounds like you would be happiest working with developmentally normal kids and there's nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

I think you just need to put in your notice. Tell them The level care of their child needs is beyond what you are capable of providing and they should seek out a special needs nanny who has experience with this type of care. They are probably not focused on switching nannies because the special needs nannies are significantly more expensive than a regular nanny. This job will continue to change and become more stressful depending on the type of special needs their daughter has and the services she requires as she gets older. she'll be in more ABA therapy sessions, and possibly occupational and physical therapy depending on what she has. It will be expensive to pay for the services especially ones that are covered by health insurance plus a special-needs nanny that will require a vehicle for all the driving to and from the sessions.
This doesn't sound like a long-term position that you want to be in.

[Anonymous]

Are you receiving any training? Has your compensation been adjusted to your a actual job description? Money can't buy them the love and patience but it can pay for a qualified nanny or the cost of your training to become one.

[Anonymous]

What do you want to have happen? If they offered more money is this a job you want?

What isn't going to happen is that they outsource all the therapy and keep you on. They need someone who can (and is willing to) do both.

[Anonymous]

They did not plan having a special needs kid. If you are unhappy, quit. I am a mom of a special needs kid. I get the hours of running to appointments and assisting. It is not fun, but you do what you need to do. Either suck it up and do it for the child or find a new job.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a tough situation. Any loving nanny would try to go the extra mile to support this family. If you can stay and get the training to do the job well then I think that is what's best for the child. If you can't get the support you need then I don't think wearing yourself down is good for anyone. Sometimes we want to give more then we can out of dedication to our charges. Just be sure you are not forgetting to reserve enough energy to take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They did not plan having a special needs kid. If you are unhappy, quit. I am a mom of a special needs kid. I get the hours of running to appointments and assisting. It is not fun, but you do what you need to do. Either suck it up and do it for the child or find a new job.

This was unnecessary. No one, including OP, is blaming the parents. Perhaps your own situation is making you sensitive. Still, I agree with the underlying felling that OP should decide whether she is still a good fit for her charges changing needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They did not plan having a special needs kid. If you are unhappy, quit. I am a mom of a special needs kid. I get the hours of running to appointments and assisting. It is not fun, but you do what you need to do. Either suck it up and do it for the child or find a new job.

This was unnecessary. No one, including OP, is blaming the parents. Perhaps your own situation is making you sensitive. Still, I agree with the underlying felling that OP should decide whether she is still a good fit for her charges changing needs.

*feeling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They did not plan having a special needs kid. If you are unhappy, quit. I am a mom of a special needs kid. I get the hours of running to appointments and assisting. It is not fun, but you do what you need to do. Either suck it up and do it for the child or find a new job.

This was unnecessary. No one, including OP, is blaming the parents. Perhaps your own situation is making you sensitive. Still, I agree with the underlying felling that OP should decide whether she is still a good fit for her charges changing needs.

She is more concerned about her social hour with so called play dates than placing the child's needs first. I know how hard and isolating it can be but you make the best of it and meet those needs in other ways. Regardless of the special needs, I would question this nanny as as all kids develop they need instruction and academic support. This is about her social needs, not the child. And, that regardless of special needs would alarm me.

[Anonymous]

Please quit. This child deserves a more committed nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you want to have happen? If they offered more money is this a job you want?

What isn't going to happen is that they outsource all the therapy and keep you on. They need someone who can (and is willing to) do both.

+1