Nanny and Forced Play Dates
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Anonymous
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Hello,
I'm in a rather sticky situation and I would appreciate any advice. I nanny for a little girl and I know a lot of the children and moms that are in her preschool. One of the moms has invited her kid over for a play date three times this month. I agreed to the first time but had plans the other two times. She texted me this evening asking for a play date tomorrow so she can go to the doctor. I'm all about play dates but I find it very rude when you invite your child to someone else's house, call it a play date when it's really babysitting, and even more rude when you don't pay the nanny. I'm not sure how to handle this. I can see why my bosses would be upset with me for rejecting a play date. Do I just flat out tell the mom no? Do I tell her why? Do I tell my bosses? My bosses and this lady know each other but I wouldn't consider then friends. |
Anonymous
| This is ridiculous. You need to tell your boss. This person is taking advantage of both of you. Your boss is paying you to take care of her child. Not the other persons. This lady is free to go to a doctor's appointment while her child is in school. What a nutcase. |
Anonymous
| I would tell her that she is welcome to have play date but she must stay because you don't want to take on the added liability of another child that you are not employed to care for. I would then tell your bosses the same thing but also mention you charge extra for babysitting should their kids want to employ you. Don't let them push you around. This is not appropriate behavior. |
Anonymous
| This has happened to me a few times. I always inform my bosses. I let them decide how to proceed., |
Anonymous
Op here, Did your bosses understand why the situation bothered you? I fear that they won't "get it". |
Anonymous
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Can you please just reply to the lady's text and say the following:
That works for me however I am paid $XX/hour. You can pay when when you pick up little girl." |
Anonymous
| That is not a play date. I would agree for $12 or so an hour extra. |
Anonymous
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This happened with DS' nanny. I approached the other mom and told her if she wanted a drop off play date and nanny agreed to it, she needed to be compensated for her time. She tried to do the whole "it's a play date" and I told her it wasn't a real play date if she was dropping her daughter off because she had plans and the play date was never reciprocated. She agreed to pay nanny for the time.
I spoke with nanny and told her under no circumstances should she feel like she has to say yes. It happened a handful of times after this conversation and nanny was always paid by the other mom. |
Anonymous
I'm a live in nanny and I have always had good relationships with my bosses, great communication. Once I had a neighbor lady call my boss and ask if I could watch her son my mb said sure if my nanny is ok with it. The lady never paid me and my mb was very upset. Lots of " play dates" started happening. I would send the child home after 2 hrs and then the parents would be gone. My mb texted them and let them know this was not how we operate. I've also had MBs tell me they don't like nanny abuse as they call it. With older charges having a nanny who can drive all the teenagers to the mall or movies is very convenient. I keep an open dialog and we talk about all of these hiccups. You should really let your nf know whats been going on. Just bring it up and say larlas mom has been asking to drop off larla a lot lately so she can go to appointment whàt are your thoughts? |
Anonymous
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I disagree w/you about your bosses being upset OP.
In all honesty, they shouldn't expect you to babysit another child, even on occasion w/out being properly compensated for it. Because like you stated, that is what this "play date" really is, a babysitting gig. For free. Just disguised w/a different moniker. You're being hustled. I would speak to your bosses + let them know that caring for another child w/out being paid for it just doesn't seem fair to you. Let them know you did do it already ONCE for them and you just don't want to do it again. If your bosses cop an attitude about this, then you are working for the wrong people. Period. If they understand, then let them speak to this mother and let her know that if she needs to go to a Dr.'s appt., then she needs to pay you if she is going to depend on you to have her child in your care for that time. Because ultimately you would be offering her a SERVICE, no doubt. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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I'm an MB. I would never expect this of our nanny, nor would I support it. If it were a special circumstance, with a close friend, and our nanny wanted to do it, and the nanny was being paid, and it was a very rare occurrence - then ok.
Otherwise it is presumptuous, rude, and completely out of line. If my nanny told me about it in advance I'd handle it directly with the other parent and make it clear that I am paying a professional to watch my kids - not to be a convenient, on demand drop off service for classmates. Give your boss(es) a chance to have your back OP. I hope they will. |
Anonymous
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I agree with everyone, you need to nip it in the bud right away.
This lady is rude, suppose you made plans already! I guess you should just forget what you want to do. Same thing with play groups, I came into a situation where a playgroup was already formed. Another friend and myself was always stuck with cleaning up and supervising other kids while he nannies stood around and gossiped. 3 weeks of this was enough, my friend and I quit the playgroup. |
Anonymous
| Thanks guys, I talked to MB today and she was very upset with the mom. I'm so relieved that she understood where I was coming from, thanks again everyone! |
Anonymous
This mom asking for free babysitting to do her errands needs to go through your boss, not you. This could be breach of contract, taking paid or unpaid side jobs while on the clock? Slippery slope. Yuck. |
Anonymous
You are a nanny that would take paid side jobs while on the job caring for your full time charge? Wow. Not very professional. |