My nanny is burnt out
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Anonymous
| Our nanny who has become a part of our family and who I thought would be with us for the long haul has basically told me this job is too hard for her. She said that she didn't want to work five days a week and didn't want to work overtime. But that just doesn't work for our family. So I gave her some options of things that I can do to alleviate her work load as a temporary fix and then said that she could either choose to find another family (and that I'd help her and wouldn't be mad at her) or that she could cut back to three days a week and I'd find someone who would come in for two days. The way the conversation went she agreed to all the options I offered (I'll get at least one kid dressed, make their breakfast or start feeding them, get their bag and snacks together for the park, take my son to preschool, enroll him in an extra day of preschool,etc), but then said she couldn't leave this job or cut back to three days a week because she loves my kids and she's never left any nanny job before the kids go to school. I had to leave for work, so I just said okay...but then I realized... wait -- I just agreed to do everything that I would have to do for my kids if they were in daycare (thereby forgoing the benefits of having a nanny in the morning) and I just agreed to pay for an extra day of preschool for my son while also continuing to pay our nanny a really good salary w/ health care.....WTF? And then once I started doing the things I said I would do, I can tell she feels guilty and she started back tracking on the no overtime and extra day of preschool. She seems tired all the time, yawning a LOT, she seems very disorganized, she shows up 15-20 minutes late most mornings, she doesn't pick up like she used to....I mean the burn out is obvious. And I really can't keep up all the things I offered to do to help her -- it was supposed to be a temporary fix until she decided to move on or cut back. And I feel like I've had several conversations with her about this and it doesn't seem to help or sink in or the conversation just goes off track. I really thought she'd be with us for years. It makes me sick to think of finding someone else. But I don't know what to do. She came so highly, highly recommended and she was so awesome the first year and a half. But something has definitely changed. and if she can't take care of two kids because it's too much work....then I guess it's time to move on? |
Anonymous
| What's your problem OP again?! |
Anonymous
| Yep. It's unfortunate. Give her a lot of notice, and some severance if you can, but tell her it isn't working anymore. |
Anonymous
| I guess I'm asking if my assessment of the situation is correct. And I guess I know it is. So I guess I'm looking for people to offer some explanation or to validate what I have to do bc I am having a hard time with this. |
Anonymous
|
this nanny is walking all over you. I'm sorry if the job is "too hard" for her, but she signed up for it so she either needs to do what she was hired to do or quit. if you are making all these concessions for her without cutting back on any of her benefits, she is getting WAY too much from you. you need to tell her it's time to go. sorry OP.
ps I find it hard to believe she's an experienced nanny and has "never left a job before the kids go to school" if she's acting this way... |
Anonymous
| show her the job spec again and ask her if she wants the job or wants to quit. |
Anonymous
|
MB here. Yes - your gut instinct, sadly, is right. You need to move on. You should not be having to make all of these accommodations for what sounds like fairly standard nanny job duties.
If you don't address it now it will just get harder. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| I just think it's unrealistic to expect someone to commit to five years of working in that closed of an environment with no room for growth. Offer keeping her on for backup care. |
Anonymous
Huh? |
Anonymous
|
You get a nanny to care for your child and secondarily so you both can work.
If nanny drama is taking up your work time and work share of mind, time for a change. Nanny's are supposed to help you and your life, not trouble you. |
Anonymous
| I say this as a nanny send her packing. She is unable to do the most basic of nanny duties. |
Anonymous
| Has she been to the doctor to rule out anything being wrong? Overly tired and less coping as the kids get older doesn't seem normal. Usually the job gets easier not harder unless a baby has been added....does she have alot of extra household stuff? How old is she could she be pregnant? I think there is a ton to talk about before you fire her, but I agree that you shouldn't be doing her job either. If she has been great up until now find out whats changed and fix it, if you cant fix it then find someone else. |
Anonymous
| OP, how many hours per week does the nanny work and flow many children and what ages does she take care of? I agree with most of PP, that is time for a change, but what are you asking from her? 1 child partially in preschool for 40-45 hrs per week is totally different from 3 kids under 5 for 60 hrs per week especially if there is no "nap break".... |
Anonymous
| Sounds like she might be anemic or have a thyroid issue that's making her tired and feeling bla. Encourage her to see a doctor and get a workup to make sure there isn't a physical reason for the way she feels. Maybe she really is just burnt out, but maybe she has some hormones out of whack that can be fixed. Worth a shot. |
Anonymous
| Also, is she sleeping well? Does she have a crummy old mattress that is worn out so she's waking up tired? If you like her, I'd explore these things. |