Nanny needs unexpected time off

[Anonymous]

Our nanny took a sick day on Friday due to a sinus infection. She's back today, but now she'll be out the rest of this week starting tomorrow to attend an out of state funeral for her husband's grandmother who passed away over the weekend. Another time prior to this, I had to come home early so she could go to the dentist. She's only been with us 4 months. She's a great nanny, but I feel like this is getting to be a lot in a short amount of time. We have no backup care either, so it's starting to be an issue for our jobs. Do I try to keep her on? Our son adores her. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

While I'm not sure she should have scheduled a dentist appointment during her work hours (was it an emergency?), the other instances are clearly beyond her control. Think about how you would want to be treated. Get some back-up care - you should always have back-up care - and use it in the future. You've hired a living, breathing human being, not a robot. Things happen.

[Anonymous]

Also, consider if her work schedule allows for things like making a dentist appointment. Nannies have to take care of themselves too.

[Anonymous]

Things do happen OP, and this could well be just a tough patch for her. Or, it could be an indicator of what employing her will entail. It's probably not possible to know yet (though maybe her references when you hired her gave an indication of her reliability in the past?)

Needing 4 weekdays off for a funeral that isn't immediate family strikes me as an accommodation I would not request in my first few months on the job, but that's a judgment call.

I would have a candid conversation with her when she's back next week and tell her that she is doing a great job when she's here, but given that you all haven't worked together long you're concerned about whether she thinks she can make a commitment to a full five day week position at this time.

I don't think I'd fire her, assuming you're pleased with her performance otherwise, but I also wouldn't let this just go without an honest conversation.

Re backup care- look into an agency. It's expensive but it has saved me in exactly these kinds of circumstances more than once. I use MetroParentRelief but I know there are other agencies that work well also.

And you might ask on a neighborhood listserv if there's a nanny who would be willing/able to do a share for a few days in a pinch or a college student who could cover half days or something like that.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here: The dentist is only open during business hours. The funeral seems a bit much but she feels she needs to be there for her husband at this time.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny took a sick day on Friday due to a sinus infection. She's back today, but now she'll be out the rest of this week starting tomorrow to attend an out of state funeral for her husband's grandmother who passed away over the weekend. Another time prior to this, I had to come home early so she could go to the dentist. She's only been with us 4 months. She's a great nanny, but I feel like this is getting to be a lot in a short amount of time. We have no backup care either, so it's starting to be an issue for our jobs. Do I try to keep her on? Our son adores her. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

For me, the red flag is her asking to take four days off for an out of town funeral for her husband's grandmother. Most jobs offer time off for funerals of immediate family and usually only 1-2 days. She is asking too much, especially if she is only in the job for 4 months. I'd be worried she will have all kinds of time off needs for her and her husband's extended family issues. I'd probably keep her on, but have a frank talk about time off and keep an eye on how she much she asks for in the next few months.

That said, you do need to have a backup care option. An agency is probably your best choice.

[Anonymous]

A death in the family is now a "family issue"?

OP, obviously you need back up care.

4 days may or may not be too much time. I sure as hell appreciated my husband being able to be with me when my grandmother passed away and we had to travel for the funeral. (Not a nanny)

[Anonymous]

[quote]A death in the family is now a "family issue"?

OP, obviously you need back up care.

4 days may or may not be too much time. I sure as hell appreciated my husband being able to be with me when my grandmother passed away and we had to travel for the funeral. (Not a nanny)

Of course it is a family issue. How do you fail to understand this?

The funeral is for her husband's grandmother. Not her immediate family. Not even her extended family. Also, presumably, she is an adult. Every adult knows we can't expect excessive time off for the funerals, weddings or surgeries for everyone we wish to support. Four days is excessive and there is cause for concern. Should she be allowed another four days for her aunt's mother's surgery? At least she may be related by blood there. How about her sister's father in law?

There is a reason for bereavement policies. To allow grieving for immediate family.

[Anonymous]

My husband's company has a bereavement policy. 3 days for immediate family, which includes my grandparents. When his grandmother passed away we all went to the funeral.

How is it hard to understand supporting your spouse through the loss of a loved one? Wanting to support your grieving husband is not just anyone.. IE: Aunt's mother. She is supporting her spouse.

I said the four days was excessive even though my husband is allowed three. On the flip side, my own mother lost pay when she went to her father's funeral.

OP, does your contract cover funerals, appointments, etc? If not it might be an idea to add a clause in there about those things.

[Anonymous]

I'd be annoyed. While the husband is attending his grandma's funeral, he has the support of the rest of his family who is also attending.

This isn't her mother or grandmother. Her husband is an adult. He can deal.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough call and is a toss up.

Personally it doesn't look good or bode well for her since she has only worked for you for four months.

I would give her a warning and let her know after the funeral, she needs to be more reliable or you will need to find someone else.

Because it doesn't sound like she is taking her job too seriously at this point. Her work ethic doesn't seem too good.

[Anonymous]

This boils down to more of an honesty issue, not just reliability. Based on all these recent posts, if you are a nanny applying for a new job and you have a pending medical issue looming that will need to be dealt with and requires significant time off it is simply dishonest to not inform your NF during the interview. It is a lie to sit there and say you pride yourself on reliability and rarely take time off or get sick.

You may feel it is none of their business, and if it was an office job you would be right. But this is a nanny job, you are an integral part of a small family who likely can't easily continue to function or replace you. You con't take a hardline "I'm a professional" stance when considering sharing personal information with your employer and then want all kind of personal considerations for time off for medical issues, getting to run home to change your clothes in the middle of the work day, expecting to keep your job after missing work for car troubles time and time again, asking your employer for a loan, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think taking Friday off for a sinus infection is a reasonable action -- doesn't she get PTO? As for the dentist, that is very reasonable -- I'm a nanny and the only time I can make dr or dentist appts is if I come in late or leave early. I don't have a lunch hour that I can quickly run to an appt and get back without taking any time off. That is just something that you have to accommodate, within reason of course. I try to either make my appt first thing in the morning or last in the evening so it is the least inconvenient for my employer, give a month in advance (if possible), and only do it about once or twice a year. The four days is a little extreme and I would be annoyed but watch your nanny to see if this is an ongoing thing. Maybe she was very close to the grandmother or maybe this is the start of a downward spiral where she takes 2 days off for the sniffles. The 4 days for the funeral don't bode well but I don't think the dentist and sinus infection shoudl count against her

[Anonymous]

OP again...I am trying to be understanding. I mean she did catch the sinus infection from our son and her dentists appointment was her checkup scheduled long before we hired her and she gave us over a month's notice for it since it's only open during when she works. I just feel that all these things adding up to this funeral thing is a bit much. I guess her husband's grandmother was essentially his mom as she raised him, and she knew her as well. So I know she feels the need to be there and it's far out of state, hence the time frame, but it's really kicked our butts having the one person we rely for child care not be available on a consistent basis like we need her to.

[Anonymous]

OP: I just want to give you some good old fashioned basic advice.

Listen to your gut here.

It is hardly ever wrong.

And I think you already know what your gut is trying to say.