Am I settling or does the grass just look greener?
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Anonymous
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We've had our current nanny for 4 months now. Our previous nanny was with us almost a year. She was amazing with the children but was always late so eventually we let her go. We interviewed tons of candidates over a 2 month period and eventually hired our current nanny. We did 3 trials days with her before she officially started and we thought she was wonderful. The children seemed happy with her and she seemed to really care about them. Now 4 months later I feel like she hasn't really bonded with my oldest. She complains a lot about normal behavior from the children and often seems impatient with them. She is extremely reliable, rarely late and has never taken a sick day. I know the children are safe with her and in general she is nice to them but she almost never plays with them, she just watched them play. The oldest is in school but on days he is home he really gets bored unless I specifically leave activities for them to do. So basically she isn't bad but she isn't great. I really don't want to let her go and have to look for someone else but I keep fantasizing about finally finding the perfect nanny. I think we offer a good package, $1100 gross/week for a guaranteed 50 hours but she only actually works 50 hours about once every other month. Most weeks she works about 42 hours and she's never gone over 50 but if she did we'd pay for the extra time at an OT rate. She gets 2 weeks paid vacation (all of her choosing) plus whatever time we take off which amounts to about a week. She also gets 5 sick days. We do expect her to do the children's laundry and change their sheets as time permits but those are the only housekeeping tasks we ask. She does frequently go above and beyond that and really does make my life easier in that respect (she empties the dishwasher even though I have told her it's not necessary, organizes my refrigerator/cabinets etc) which I greatly appreciate but I don't know if it's worth keeping her for.
Am I settling here or is it just wishful thinking that I can find someone amazing with all the qualities I am looking for at the rate we are paying? |
Anonymous
lol I'm a nanny and wish I had that package! let me know if you end up looking  sorry that's not helpful advice...but seriously, I think you have a great package and you should be able to find somebody you are completely happy with. it shouldn't be an either/or situation when it comes to being on time or being good with the kids, a good nanny should certainly be both
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Anonymous
| Since it's been four months why don't you give her a review? That way you can raise your issues with your son, and perhaps refer her to a website or book about child development that will lay out age-appropriate behavior that you'd like her to refer to. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you're very fair employers with a great package. Heck, I'd love to come work for you! Maybe she is having a hard time bonding with your kids, or maybe she simply does not know what to do with an older boy? Was she a nanny for younger kids or girls before? It's a learning curve for sure. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like she has a great work ethic, is trying to do a speller job, and you have a good relationship. I would advise talking to her about it and even providing resources that describe your parenting philosophy. Websites or videos or slides hare might be less time consuming then books but that's your call. You might run into the same problem with a replacement or other problems you can not live with. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks everyone for the suggestions. The bolded part is exactly what I am afraid of if we look for a replacement. I think I am definitely going to talk to her and try to find some resources for her but I'm not sure if it will be well received. She has worked with similarly aged boys before but she started when they were babies and I think she bonded with them better that way. She is older and I think she just may not have the patience I thought she had when I hired her. I think I just need to decide if I can live with things as they are or if the unknown is better. |
Anonymous
| How old is your son? |
Anonymous
He's 4. |
Anonymous
| 4 is a tough age for a lot of people, especially when you've only just met the child. Maybe she's used to being with children from the time they're small and doesn't have the experience to know how to facilitate bonding at this point? That's not to say she can't do it, but you may have to be a manager here and not just an employer. Please provide her with some books, or a weekend course, or just sit down and have a very frank review before you make another change ("Your 4-Year-Old" and that series in general is make quick and easy read with a lot of insights into the developmental stage of a 4yo) in nanny. It's probable you'd have this problem with most nannies (I see a lot of nannies with a baby and 4yo and they are, generally speaking, completely incapable of dealing with preschoolers - to be fair, we don't do that as much as we do younger kids) so even if talking to her doesn't change things and you need to replace her, at least you'll have practiced this management technique and will be able to go into your next search armed with new questions and skill sets to look for. |
Anonymous
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*is a quick and easy read
And whatever else I missed. Stupid iPad. |
Anonymous
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If your son is four and he is bored with his nanny, then in my opinion she is not doing a very good job.
While I do not necessarily believe a child that age needs to be constantly entertained, as his nanny she DOES need to actively interact w/him the majority of the time and even if she does encourage some independent play time, she should have some ideas for him to do. Her job is not to just "watch" him and that is all. It sounds like she is being paid a good salary so I think you should address these issues w/her first. Try to see if this situation can be worked out first because like you stated, who really wants to start from scratch again and find another nanny? But if she won't budge and won't change, then you may have no other choice. I wish you only the best OP. |