Family won't give good reference because I decided to quit
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Anonymous
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I worked for a family for about 2 years, not only as a nanny but also as a housekeeper and managing the house. I worked long hours and had a flat rate paycheck, regardless of how many hours I worked, on Fridays I worked 16 hours straight, they went out after work to have some fun, no extra pay for me. Parents were nice but as employers they sucked badly.
During last winter, I was working 12+ hours daily on snow days, taking care of 3 spoiled brats all day long with no breaks and again, no extra pay, while the parents were shopping online and pretending they were working. I'm scarred for life now. I did everything they needed me to. I did try to talk about my discontentement with the crazy hours, my problem was never solved because they only thought about themselves so I had to do the same and think only about myself. I quit that job and left. Now my problem is that even though they say they loved me and wanted me to stay, they won't give me a positive reference because they feel betrayed and they also said they would do anything for me not to get a new position. I mean, wtf is wrong with people!? |
Anonymous
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Are you really shocked?
Why didn't you quit sooner? Starbucks is hiring. NOVA and Montgomery College have vocational programs. Make this an opportunity to make your life better! |
Anonymous
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Perhaps gently remind them that giving any information other than confirming that you worked for them, when asked for a reference, could be seen as grounds for a lawsuit.
You spent 2 years of your life at this job, and to omit it from your resume would be unfair to you and a potential red flag for future employers, so use them for an employment verification reference only...and let them know if you do so. "With regard to job references, employers may not communicate false information to prospective employers without possibly being subject to a lawsuit for character defamation. Employers are also prohibited from communicating certain other types of information about a former employee without the express consent of the employee." http://www.msba.org/departments/commpubl/publications/brochures/workplace.asp |
Anonymous
Was this job on the books OP? I think if you have proof that you worked for a family for two years, many families will assume that the family saw good things in you. I worked as a live-in nanny for 6 months and was treated like crap so I gave 1 month notice, well the family kicked me out the next day. I have explained the situation during all my interviews and I had no problems finding a job. |
Anonymous
| It is also important to save each and every birthday card, Christmas card and thank you note any employer ever gives you. If you ever find yourself in this situation, you'll at least have proof that they were happy with your performance. That's only if you received these things. |
Anonymous
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Yikes.
While I can totally see how you were taken advantage of here OP, I don't know if I would want you caring for my own children. Why so? You called your previous charges "spoiled brats!" That is pretty harsh. Trust me, I have seen my fair share of kids. But I have never resorted to calling any of them out on their behaviors because that is unprofessional and just mean. |
Anonymous
I agree w/ this. You sound like your employers really took advantage of you, but your extreme resentment of it is coloring your attitude so significantly that it may be the biggest challenge in finding your next job- not the lack of a reference. Wherever you end up I hope you ensure a more professional contractual arrangement from the beginning and, in turn, that you have a more positive attitude about the family for whom you work. |
Anonymous
| Why would you work for them for 2 years? I swear some of the nannies on her lack intelligence. You know why some families treat us (nannies) like crap? Because of nannies like you who put up with it for 2 years. |
Anonymous
| Exactly how were they "nice"? |
Anonymous
I hired a nanny when she had a fall out with the previous family (1 yr but most relevant experience for my family). It was a leap of faith, but what really helped was extremely positive recommendation from one of the other references. I did not even talk to that one year family. She is in my employ now, and she is great. So, sometimes MBs might see past the "no recommendation employment" (but I'm with PPs don't call kids spoil brats  my nanny very lovingly talked about the babies she cared for).
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Anonymous
| Some kids are brats, most kids nannies care for are brats because their parents let the kids control them because they don't believe in discipline. The two commenters above must have brats hehe ! On a serious note, you're the only one to blame for sticking around for so long, 3-6 months should have been the longest you stuck around. I hope you find something, if not, explain the situation in a serious manner and I'm sure families will understand. |
Anonymous
| I would not speak negatively about a previous employer even if we parted on bad terms. |
Anonymous
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It is common for families to get so upset their nanny is leaving that they decide to get even with a bad reference. Working two years for a family is a reference in itself, so start with that as you start your search.
You may want to be careful how you reference children regardless if it has grounds. Calling children spoiled brats and ending a post with profanity will not help your case. The best you could do is ask your previous employer to just verify your time with them and that is it when called for a reference, I believe by law that is all they have a right too, otherwise they could be liable for slander. When you meet with possible employers try and stay positive about your experience and how you can understand how they might feel. To do this you really need to adjust your own inside feelings and behavior because any negatives will show even if you do not express it. Good luck |