"part of the family"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of the family means hand the au pair a ton of perks but don't expect them to lift a finger around the house

You seem to have a very myopic view of "part of the family".

These AuPairs are not your housekeepers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the family means hand the au pair a ton of perks but don't expect them to lift a finger around the house

You seem to have a very myopic view of "part of the family".

These AuPairs are not your housekeepers

Even our 11 year old takes a turn taking the trash out weekly. I think the point is that if you would do a chore in your home with your own family, you can do the same chore in the home in this country without nit picking it against au pair responsibilities. Do you see that the dog has tipped over her food bowl? Maybe help sweep it up since you are the only one home for the next 9 hours instead of laying a dish towel over it and pointing to it when your host parent comes home from a 10 hour day.

Things like that. Not scrubbing floors. Being kind and responsible and "part of the family".


And I totally agree that hanging with the kids on the weekend or with the host parents on a friday night sounds awful. I don't really want to hang out and entertain a 20 year old either. I think that being there for graduation parties or birthday parties/holidays, etc is a very nice thing to do and the family will only be more welcoming to an aupair who genuinely wants to get to know them this way instead of one who checks out at 5pm with their bag in hand. It seems like the ones who spend zero time with our family have been the ones who ask for sponsorship for a student visa or perks that they see others getting. The ones who spend time with us and get to know us are the ones we offer these things to without much thought.

That's a hard concept for a young adult to understand sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the family means hand the au pair a ton of perks but don't expect them to lift a finger around the house

You seem to have a very myopic view of "part of the family".

These AuPairs are not your housekeepers

We have a housekeeper who also cleans au pairs room and bathroom. What I am referring to is refusing to do anything else (i.e. maybe wipe off the mud that you track in or just wash a cup if it's out). I would do this as a "niece".

[Anonymous]

Part of the family means demanding perks but going out and putting yourself at risk because "I chose to put myself at risk of COVID not the family".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the family means hand the au pair a ton of perks but don't expect them to lift a finger around the house

You seem to have a very myopic view of "part of the family".

These AuPairs are not your housekeepers

Even our 11 year old takes a turn taking the trash out weekly. I think the point is that if you would do a chore in your home with your own family, you can do the same chore in the home in this country without nit picking it against au pair responsibilities. Do you see that the dog has tipped over her food bowl? Maybe help sweep it up since you are the only one home for the next 9 hours instead of laying a dish towel over it and pointing to it when your host parent comes home from a 10 hour day.

Things like that. Not scrubbing floors. Being kind and responsible and "part of the family".


And I totally agree that hanging with the kids on the weekend or with the host parents on a friday night sounds awful. I don't really want to hang out and entertain a 20 year old either. I think that being there for graduation parties or birthday parties/holidays, etc is a very nice thing to do and the family will only be more welcoming to an aupair who genuinely wants to get to know them this way instead of one who checks out at 5pm with their bag in hand. It seems like the ones who spend zero time with our family have been the ones who ask for sponsorship for a student visa or perks that they see others getting. The ones who spend time with us and get to know us are the ones we offer these things to without much thought.

That's a hard concept for a young adult to understand sometimes.

Interesting.

And yet we have HP who pay for twice weekly house cleaning... but not the AP area.
HP who think because they pay for weekly or biweekly cleaning, AP should do all the “touch up” vacuuming, dusting, dishes, laundry in between.
APs who are solely responsible for the pets, trash and recycling, household laundry, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the family means hand the au pair a ton of perks but don't expect them to lift a finger around the house

You seem to have a very myopic view of "part of the family".

These AuPairs are not your housekeepers

Even our 11 year old takes a turn taking the trash out weekly. I think the point is that if you would do a chore in your home with your own family, you can do the same chore in the home in this country without nit picking it against au pair responsibilities. Do you see that the dog has tipped over her food bowl? Maybe help sweep it up since you are the only one home for the next 9 hours instead of laying a dish towel over it and pointing to it when your host parent comes home from a 10 hour day.

Things like that. Not scrubbing floors. Being kind and responsible and "part of the family".


And I totally agree that hanging with the kids on the weekend or with the host parents on a friday night sounds awful. I don't really want to hang out and entertain a 20 year old either. I think that being there for graduation parties or birthday parties/holidays, etc is a very nice thing to do and the family will only be more welcoming to an aupair who genuinely wants to get to know them this way instead of one who checks out at 5pm with their bag in hand. It seems like the ones who spend zero time with our family have been the ones who ask for sponsorship for a student visa or perks that they see others getting. The ones who spend time with us and get to know us are the ones we offer these things to without much thought.

That's a hard concept for a young adult to understand sometimes.

Interesting.

And yet we have HP who pay for twice weekly house cleaning... but not the AP area.
HP who think because they pay for weekly or biweekly cleaning, AP should do all the “touch up” vacuuming, dusting, dishes, laundry in between.
APs who are solely responsible for the pets, trash and recycling, household laundry, etc.

Not paying for AP area for housecleaning is just petty. I want my entire house cleaned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the family means hand the au pair a ton of perks but don't expect them to lift a finger around the house

You seem to have a very myopic view of "part of the family".

These AuPairs are not your housekeepers

Even our 11 year old takes a turn taking the trash out weekly. I think the point is that if you would do a chore in your home with your own family, you can do the same chore in the home in this country without nit picking it against au pair responsibilities. Do you see that the dog has tipped over her food bowl? Maybe help sweep it up since you are the only one home for the next 9 hours instead of laying a dish towel over it and pointing to it when your host parent comes home from a 10 hour day.

Things like that. Not scrubbing floors. Being kind and responsible and "part of the family".


And I totally agree that hanging with the kids on the weekend or with the host parents on a friday night sounds awful. I don't really want to hang out and entertain a 20 year old either. I think that being there for graduation parties or birthday parties/holidays, etc is a very nice thing to do and the family will only be more welcoming to an aupair who genuinely wants to get to know them this way instead of one who checks out at 5pm with their bag in hand. It seems like the ones who spend zero time with our family have been the ones who ask for sponsorship for a student visa or perks that they see others getting. The ones who spend time with us and get to know us are the ones we offer these things to without much thought.

That's a hard concept for a young adult to understand sometimes.

Interesting.

And yet we have HP who pay for twice weekly house cleaning... but not the AP area.
HP who think because they pay for weekly or biweekly cleaning, AP should do all the “touch up” vacuuming, dusting, dishes, laundry in between.
APs who are solely responsible for the pets, trash and recycling, household laundry, etc.

Not paying for AP area for housecleaning is just petty. I want my entire house cleaned.

Eh. It depends. Our basement is a separate apartment that we would rent out, but we have an AP. Separate kitchen, nicest bathroom in the house, etc. When we matched, we explained that the AP was responsible for keeping her apartment clean (our house who has been with us forever is in her late 60s), and that we had a housekeeper that comes twice a month for the upstairs. It has never been an issue. Of course, our AP doesn't do any cleaning at all upstairs, but she does fold and put away all of the kid laundry (I wash it over the weekend, and she gets a large basket of unfolded laundry every Monday). I think as long as you manage expectations during matching, it's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Our last au pair wanted to be a part of the family and for her that meant, among other things, that she wanted to spend the majority of her social time and weekends with our family including things I wouldn't have expected like camping, friends' children's birthday parties, dinner with us every night, watching tv on the couch with my husband most nights...she had a few friends of her own but it was quite smothering for me to have her around 90% of the time. She's a lovely young lady who still keeps in touch regularly and really cares for our kids.
Part of the family could mean many different things depending on the au pair's family background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the family means hand the au pair a ton of perks but don't expect them to lift a finger around the house

You seem to have a very myopic view of "part of the family".

These AuPairs are not your housekeepers

Even our 11 year old takes a turn taking the trash out weekly. I think the point is that if you would do a chore in your home with your own family, you can do the same chore in the home in this country without nit picking it against au pair responsibilities. Do you see that the dog has tipped over her food bowl? Maybe help sweep it up since you are the only one home for the next 9 hours instead of laying a dish towel over it and pointing to it when your host parent comes home from a 10 hour day.

Things like that. Not scrubbing floors. Being kind and responsible and "part of the family".


And I totally agree that hanging with the kids on the weekend or with the host parents on a friday night sounds awful. I don't really want to hang out and entertain a 20 year old either. I think that being there for graduation parties or birthday parties/holidays, etc is a very nice thing to do and the family will only be more welcoming to an aupair who genuinely wants to get to know them this way instead of one who checks out at 5pm with their bag in hand. It seems like the ones who spend zero time with our family have been the ones who ask for sponsorship for a student visa or perks that they see others getting. The ones who spend time with us and get to know us are the ones we offer these things to without much thought.

That's a hard concept for a young adult to understand sometimes.

Interesting.

And yet we have HP who pay for twice weekly house cleaning... but not the AP area.
HP who think because they pay for weekly or biweekly cleaning, AP should do all the “touch up” vacuuming, dusting, dishes, laundry in between.
APs who are solely responsible for the pets, trash and recycling, household laundry, etc.

Not paying for AP area for housecleaning is just petty. I want my entire house cleaned.

Eh. It depends. Our basement is a separate apartment that we would rent out, but we have an AP. Separate kitchen, nicest bathroom in the house, etc. When we matched, we explained that the AP was responsible for keeping her apartment clean (our house who has been with us forever is in her late 60s), and that we had a housekeeper that comes twice a month for the upstairs. It has never been an issue. Of course, our AP doesn't do any cleaning at all upstairs, but she does fold and put away all of the kid laundry (I wash it over the weekend, and she gets a large basket of unfolded laundry every Monday). I think as long as you manage expectations during matching, it's not a big deal.

I agree it's petty. Out AP has a separate unit (pool house) and even more reason to seen the housekeeper in
there weekly. I want the peace of mind of knowing that mold is not growing in a bathroom and floors are being kept clean and all potential food debris and surfaces wiped.

Once the AP leaves I'm still stuck with the house. I certainly don't rent mine out so maybe we have a different perspective on how we maintain our guest spaces, but I would hate to get a surprise when the AP vacated, especially since I don't go into her space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our last au pair wanted to be a part of the family and for her that meant, among other things, that she wanted to spend the majority of her social time and weekends with our family including things I wouldn't have expected like camping, friends' children's birthday parties, dinner with us every night, watching tv on the couch with my husband most nights...she had a few friends of her own but it was quite smothering for me to have her around 90% of the time. She's a lovely young lady who still keeps in touch regularly and really cares for our kids.
Part of the family could mean many different things depending on the au pair's family background.

We had one like that and we had to rematch. She was more high maintenance than my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the family means hand the au pair a ton of perks but don't expect them to lift a finger around the house

You seem to have a very myopic view of "part of the family".

These AuPairs are not your housekeepers

Even our 11 year old takes a turn taking the trash out weekly. I think the point is that if you would do a chore in your home with your own family, you can do the same chore in the home in this country without nit picking it against au pair responsibilities. Do you see that the dog has tipped over her food bowl? Maybe help sweep it up since you are the only one home for the next 9 hours instead of laying a dish towel over it and pointing to it when your host parent comes home from a 10 hour day.

Things like that. Not scrubbing floors. Being kind and responsible and "part of the family".

Well, our AP is very clean and doesn’t want a cleaner in her space. But clearly, you are to the manor borne, Lady Mary.
And I totally agree that hanging with the kids on the weekend or with the host parents on a friday night sounds awful. I don't really want to hang out and entertain a 20 year old either. I think that being there for graduation parties or birthday parties/holidays, etc is a very nice thing to do and the family will only be more welcoming to an aupair who genuinely wants to get to know them this way instead of one who checks out at 5pm with their bag in hand. It seems like the ones who spend zero time with our family have been the ones who ask for sponsorship for a student visa or perks that they see others getting. The ones who spend time with us and get to know us are the ones we offer these things to without much thought.

That's a hard concept for a young adult to understand sometimes.

Interesting.

And yet we have HP who pay for twice weekly house cleaning... but not the AP area.
HP who think because they pay for weekly or biweekly cleaning, AP should do all the “touch up” vacuuming, dusting, dishes, laundry in between.
APs who are solely responsible for the pets, trash and recycling, household laundry, etc.

Not paying for AP area for housecleaning is just petty. I want my entire house cleaned.

Eh. It depends. Our basement is a separate apartment that we would rent out, but we have an AP. Separate kitchen, nicest bathroom in the house, etc. When we matched, we explained that the AP was responsible for keeping her apartment clean (our house who has been with us forever is in her late 60s), and that we had a housekeeper that comes twice a month for the upstairs. It has never been an issue. Of course, our AP doesn't do any cleaning at all upstairs, but she does fold and put away all of the kid laundry (I wash it over the weekend, and she gets a large basket of unfolded laundry every Monday). I think as long as you manage expectations during matching, it's not a big deal.

I agree it's petty. Out AP has a separate unit (pool house) and even more reason to seen the housekeeper in
there weekly. I want the peace of mind of knowing that mold is not growing in a bathroom and floors are being kept clean and all potential food debris and surfaces wiped.

Once the AP leaves I'm still stuck with the house. I certainly don't rent mine out so maybe we have a different perspective on how we maintain our guest spaces, but I would hate to get a surprise when the AP vacated, especially since I don't go into her space.

[Anonymous]

We don’t pay for our AP suite to be cleaned. It isn’t petty. I wouldn’t pay for someone to clean our space if I had time to do it myself. If I was single, living alone, I think I could figure out how to clean my own toilet.
She has her own suite. I think she is old enough and has enough kid-free time to vacuum. We don’t go into the AP suite unless there is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t pay for our AP suite to be cleaned. It isn’t petty. I wouldn’t pay for someone to clean our space if I had time to do it myself. If I was single, living alone, I think I could figure out how to clean my own toilet.
She has her own suite. I think she is old enough and has enough kid-free time to vacuum. We don’t go into the AP suite unless there is a problem.

You can afford an au pair suite, you can shell out a bit more to have it cleaned if you are having your home cleaned. Yes, you are being petty.