Super picky AuPair living with family that is not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't match with someone with food restrictions, period. And I'd be super annoyed about not disclosing the lactose allergy...there's literally a section in the au pair application for the 3 agencies we've used that asks this directly. I mean, maybe if AP had an allergy to one food that we could avoid...fine. But a bunch of food restrictions seems high maintenance. I won't pretend my kids are always adventurous eaters and we lead super busy lives so we normally provide pasta or rice along side whatever else we are having and I don't even like doing that...much less creating whole separate meals without certain ingredients.

There is a difference between allergies and intolerance. With allergies, the reaction is pretty strong and it might kill you, and you need something like an Epi pen available, DD has tree nuts allergy. With intolerance you get a mild discomfort but are ok. I have lactose intolerance and it sounds like this is what OP’s AP has. I would never think about disclosing that because it is pretty easy to avoid lactose , at the same time I wouldn’t never expect someone to adjust their food to me. My husband is European and use milk when he cooks and sometimes I eat it and deal with the discomfort or sometimes I skip it. In other words the AP is overreacting expecting HF to not use milk at all. Just take out her portion before adding milk and if it is something like lasagna, warn her in advance so she can make other plans.

+1 This precisely!

[Anonymous]

I have a AP who refuses to eat leftovers--in our home we eat leftovers because we cook in bulk. Granted, she just finds her own thing to eat, but it's annoying in terms of attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a AP who refuses to eat leftovers--in our home we eat leftovers because we cook in bulk. Granted, she just finds her own thing to eat, but it's annoying in terms of attitude.

+1 totally, I am sure her stay at home mom (nothing wrong with that) cooks for every day back home and still also does her laundry !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a AP who refuses to eat leftovers--in our home we eat leftovers because we cook in bulk. Granted, she just finds her own thing to eat, but it's annoying in terms of attitude.

We've had 2 that would eat the hell out of leftovers, which I loved so I always made extra and one who is a picky princess and lives on frosted flakes, nutella, bread, frozen pizza, and cookies.

No idea how she won't return home without type 2 diabetes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and I are vegetarian but I knew finding a fellow veggie as an Au Pair would be impossible. So for the first time in 20 years there was meat in my home. My only request to my Au Pair was that she not offer any to my daughter.

She did eat at home with us many nights (though she considered 5 or 6pm very early for dinner but hey, I work 7am-3pm) and she often prepared food from her country for us but always separate from her meat preparation. She is a wonderful 4th Au Pair as were our others. There was nothing I left out in interviews -- especially the food situation. They were all worth the compromise to my dietary values.

That's interesting...we found so many vegetarian candidates last go around! We actually ended up with one. We eat mostly vegetarian but also bought her veggie hot dogs/etc so she always had things to eat if we had a rare meat meal.
As for the suggestion to give them gift cards/extra money for Wendy's, I wouldn't. I'd buy bags of potatoes/meat that they want to eat, but again, if you said during matching that you eat a certain way and she's now decided that's not good enough AND she doesn't want to cook, it's up to her to fiure that out.

[Anonymous]

Stop catering to your AP. If you want to be nice, offer an extra $20/week for foods of her own choice and tell her she's always welcome to share dinner with you. Even just sit there and chat if she's unwilling to try the food. Let your LCC know that you've tried really hard and can't make the AP happy about dinners, so you've given up by making this compromise with someone who had originally claimed they "eat everything."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop catering to your AP. If you want to be nice, offer an extra $20/week for foods of her own choice and tell her she's always welcome to share dinner with you. Even just sit there and chat if she's unwilling to try the food. Let your LCC know that you've tried really hard and can't make the AP happy about dinners, so you've given up by making this compromise with someone who had originally claimed they "eat everything."

I also don't think it's right that the host family has to spend extra money on food when there is plenty of food at home for the Au Pair to eat. That's just me and I know I will get flamed for it----but adding an extra $80/month (on top of whatever you were giving the AP for her staples) is a lot. If it's a medical issue it's one thing, but I wouldn't do this for any of my family members either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop catering to your AP. If you want to be nice, offer an extra $20/week for foods of her own choice and tell her she's always welcome to share dinner with you. Even just sit there and chat if she's unwilling to try the food. Let your LCC know that you've tried really hard and can't make the AP happy about dinners, so you've given up by making this compromise with someone who had originally claimed they "eat everything."

I also don't think it's right that the host family has to spend extra money on food when there is plenty of food at home for the Au Pair to eat. That's just me and I know I will get flamed for it----but adding an extra $80/month (on top of whatever you were giving the AP for her staples) is a lot. If it's a medical issue it's one thing, but I wouldn't do this for any of my family members either.

+1, I would not do this! 4 year old DD is picky (which is what OP's AP is), she eats what we cook for diner or she just has milk. I am not cooking two meals or giving her extra bread or all the other fun things she like. I know if she is hungry she will eat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she is more than welcome to eat whatever you made but if she doesn't like it she can cook for herself. Buy her sack of potatoes and bunch of meat and she can make it for herself every day if she desires. I wouldn't cook special meal just for her. Would I steam green beans and carrots as well because someone doesn't eat green beens? Probably but not cooking what I and my kids like because of one person is nonsense.

She absolutely will not cook. The food would go bad.

I think I'm just going to carry on our normal diet. Should I just tell her each night what we are eating so she has a chance to go to Wendy's?

Seasoned hostmom here. German btw. Just continue with your diet and actually no, don‘t bother telling her what will be for dinner, since you already know she will pull a face if it‘s not potato and meat.

Picky au pairs who aren‘t able to cook need to be kept out of your kitchen. They will mess up your kitchen, take ages to do a simple dish and have no idea of quantity or meal planning.

Also, Germans are blunt, so you may be blunt, too. I‘d just tell her that her behaviour is impolite and you don‘t want her picky attitude spoiling your dinner and modelling to your children.

If you can spare the extra budget for Wendy‘s, I‘d say go for it. I would be glad for every single dinner without the German au pair food police making teenage comments on your obviously lovely varied and healthy family cuisine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and I are vegetarian but I knew finding a fellow veggie as an Au Pair would be impossible. So for the first time in 20 years there was meat in my home. My only request to my Au Pair was that she not offer any to my daughter.

She did eat at home with us many nights (though she considered 5 or 6pm very early for dinner but hey, I work 7am-3pm) and she often prepared food from her country for us but always separate from her meat preparation. She is a wonderful 4th Au Pair as were our others. There was nothing I left out in interviews -- especially the food situation. They were all worth the compromise to my dietary values.

Yes, this really about the au pair, not the diet, I would say. We are wrapping up our second year with a vegetarian au pair and we are not. And it's been great. She totally prepares meat for our son and he is eating extremely healthy with lots of beans, rice, and veggies. We told her before matching that we wouldn't make any special purchases for her (which wasn't true, but we wanted to set the expectation), and having a vegetarian au pair has just meant that I buy lots of beans, rice, eggs, and veggies, which are all very cheap. She's great in every way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she is more than welcome to eat whatever you made but if she doesn't like it she can cook for herself. Buy her sack of potatoes and bunch of meat and she can make it for herself every day if she desires. I wouldn't cook special meal just for her. Would I steam green beans and carrots as well because someone doesn't eat green beens? Probably but not cooking what I and my kids like because of one person is nonsense.

She absolutely will not cook. The food would go bad.

I think I'm just going to carry on our normal diet. Should I just tell her each night what we are eating so she has a chance to go to Wendy's?

Seasoned hostmom here. German btw. Just continue with your diet and actually no, don‘t bother telling her what will be for dinner, since you already know she will pull a face if it‘s not potato and meat.

Picky au pairs who aren‘t able to cook need to be kept out of your kitchen. They will mess up your kitchen, take ages to do a simple dish and have no idea of quantity or meal planning.

Also, Germans are blunt, so you may be blunt, too. I‘d just tell her that her behaviour is impolite and you don‘t want her picky attitude spoiling your dinner and modelling to your children.

If you can spare the extra budget for Wendy‘s, I‘d say go for it. I would be glad for every single dinner without the German au pair food police making teenage comments on your obviously lovely varied and healthy family cuisine.

OP here. She is an unusual German. Any sort of correction or percieved criticism leads to tears. She cried week one when I told her no male overnight guests after she tried inviting her boyfriend to stay the week. Should have cut bait then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she is more than welcome to eat whatever you made but if she doesn't like it she can cook for herself. Buy her sack of potatoes and bunch of meat and she can make it for herself every day if she desires. I wouldn't cook special meal just for her. Would I steam green beans and carrots as well because someone doesn't eat green beens? Probably but not cooking what I and my kids like because of one person is nonsense.

She absolutely will not cook. The food would go bad.

I think I'm just going to carry on our normal diet. Should I just tell her each night what we are eating so she has a chance to go to Wendy's?

Seasoned hostmom here. German btw. Just continue with your diet and actually no, don‘t bother telling her what will be for dinner, since you already know she will pull a face if it‘s not potato and meat.

Picky au pairs who aren‘t able to cook need to be kept out of your kitchen. They will mess up your kitchen, take ages to do a simple dish and have no idea of quantity or meal planning.

Also, Germans are blunt, so you may be blunt, too. I‘d just tell her that her behaviour is impolite and you don‘t want her picky attitude spoiling your dinner and modelling to your children.

If you can spare the extra budget for Wendy‘s, I‘d say go for it. I would be glad for every single dinner without the German au pair food police making teenage comments on your obviously lovely varied and healthy family cuisine.

OP here. She is an unusual German. Any sort of correction or percieved criticism leads to tears. She cried week one when I told her no male overnight guests after she tried inviting her boyfriend to stay the week. Should have cut bait then.

Wow! That sounds awful, especially in addition to the dietary issues.

[Anonymous]

She cried when she found out she could not have her boyfriend overnight? Was that not in your handbook??

[Anonymous]

You should have a firm conversation and ignore her oversensitive behaviour. She's taking you for a ride. This is teenage drama. Just tell her you had a family talk and decided that it's not fair or working that four people adjust to the aps picky and unhealthy eating habits. Tell her that it is unhealthy and immature how she eats. Straightforward. Then tell her you have decided as a family to go back to eating as before. I'd give her a budget for dinner and fixed times to use the kitchen. If she reacts well, you can comprise by saying once a month you'll cook what she likes and give her a gift card to Wendy's. If she cries and gives trouble send an email to LCC about the conversation and ask for rematch.