Another who pays question-- cabs/ubers/etc

[Anonymous]

I would probably pay a set amount to cover a few trips per week (to help offset bad walking weather, late nights, etc) and she pays for the rest. As PPs mentioned, transportation needs to be considered in some way...either through your car or public transportation. I do think AP needs to assume some responsibility and free and unlimited Uber access is a recipe for disaster with most young adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am willing to be a lot of money that most people on here are not giving their au pair $75/week for ubers (I'm not talking about car insurance/payments/etc) .... I'm talking about cabs. Because I have a feeling that some of the same people who are urging that weekly payment are also having their au pairs pay their own gas.

My AP pays for her gas - absolutely. I have a third car ONLY for her. I take the train to work, so she could use my car all day. So I pay the lease for the car, the registration, the maintenance, and the 2500 to insure a 19 year old (German, great driver, but still 19) to drive. Of course it goes without saying that I pay for all the gas for her classes and meetings and of course for the kids' driving. As pointed out, this comes to well more than $40 per week. I don't think anyone at all was encouraging unlimited uber rides. People were simply suggesting SOME kind of weekly stipend for the AP to take an Uber. I agree that everyone can walk and wait for the bus sometimes, but there should be some accommodation made so the AP doesn't have to wait 20 minutes for a 20 minute bus all the time.

[Anonymous]

In my early 20s when I had less disposable income than our APs do (after paying my rent, food, etc.) I didn't have a car because i couldn't afford it and I figured it out. 30 minutes to walk to the Metro is not that bad (I actually lost about 15 pounds the 3 years I went without a car...just from the walking). I walked, I bused, I caught a ride with friends. If it was late, I would splurge on a cab (usually less than once per month). I think a small budget like $25/week is more than fair for this. In fact, I feel like if you just add an extra $25 to her weekly pay you'll see how quickly she doesn't want to spend her "own money" on this. It doesn't impact her if she's not seeing the charges come through and hitting her bank account. Doesn't mean she's a princess...but how would she know it's impacting you if you don't set a boundary?

[Anonymous]

Have you checked out Uber's ride passes? You can have the app notify you when they're available for purchase each month. It's usually ten dollars for ten rides a month at $3.50/ per uber pool ride or $6.50/per uber ride or $20 for an unlimited amount of these rides. It could make a set amount a month that you give her go along way.

[Anonymous]

Not in DC, but how much would bus/metro cost her if she went to the city every day?
Wmata website says Arlington to downtown off peak would be $2.40 SmarTrip Fare per trip? $3.00 from Bethesda? So let's say $5/6 per day? I don't think adding $40 or even $50 for transportation per week sounds excessive in that case. Still cheaper than getting an AP car with all the associated cost and a nice sign to her that you want her to get out and about and experience her home-for-a-year.

I am so happy that we have amazing public transportation where we are. We get AP a bus pass ($) and the bus stop is just around the corner, she has stores and cafes in walking distance (5 minutes), everything is walkable and safe. Her bus pass even includes the kids if she wants to take them anywhere. Win win.

Anonymous wrote:30 minutes to walk to the Metro is not that bad [...] I walked, I bused, I caught a ride with friends. If it was late, I would splurge on a cab (usually less than once per month)

How bad a 30 minute walk is highly depends on how much time off the AP has during the day. Walking 30 minutes to the Metro plus waiting plus a 20/25 minute trip (just guessing here) into the city means at least an hour each way. Same for taking the bus, time-wise it might just not be a great option. I think OP mentioned school-aged kids but that might still mean that AP only has a couple of hours in the city if she has to travel an hour each way. I totally agree that if there are shops in walking distance there is no reason for her to travel into the city every day but if that's what rocks her boat...

I think most of us could catch rides with friends back when we didn't have a car, because we weren't old enough or simply because we couldn't afford them. However, most APs do not have friends who own a car. Most of their friends are APs who drive their HF's car. By not providing an AP with a car or covering their transportation cost (as long as they are 'reasonable', whatever that may mean) a HF is saving on the cost of another HF. Which I don't think is fair. HF A saves hundreds or thousands of dollars a year by not buying a designated AP car, not having to shell out for insurance, not paying for maintenance or gas or whatever and expects HF B or C or D to cough up the money for their AP so that their AP can pick up AP A (which most likely means driving a detour and thus more wear and tear and HF B/C/D/...'s car). Catching a ride with a friend works if it's your friend's car (and you give them $10 every once in a while or treat them for dinner or babysit for them or give them your notes for a class they had to miss) is one thing, as soon as you bring another HF into the mix it's not that easy any more (unless you think AP A paying HF B for every ride that AP B gives AP A is reasonable). You deciding not to provide your AP with a car or money for public transportation costs me money if my AP constantly has to pick your AP up. Why would I want to pay for your AP's transportation cost?

It's also nearly impossible to compare every day life when we were in our 20s with exceptional circumstances such as living in another country for a limited period of time. I was an AP back in the late 90s, when the stipend was $140 which I always managed to spend (mostly on travel). I lived off less than that after completing my year and going to university and that included housing (which ate up more than half of my money each month), food, transportation, books and stuff (thankfully I could raid my parents' pantry every once in a while and was still on their insurance but there were weeks where I lived on toast with butter and spaghetti with ketchup or canned corn with butter and pepper) but there is huge difference between "life" and a "once in a lifetime experience." Otherwise you end up with your AP hanging out at home every evening because she can't afford going out, meeting friends and taking part in the cultural exchange the program is sold to them as... and we have seen where that leads to on here.

I totally agree that OP's AP should take the bus or metro. I also agree that there doesn't seem to be a reason for her to go into town every day as shops and cafes seem to be easily accessible on foot but she can still chose to do so. Does HF necessarily have to pay for AP to take a cab/uber? I don't think so (and I don't think I would). Does HF have to pay for AP to take bus/metro every day? No, most likely not if it's simply by choice. However, I think it would be nice if they did and would probably lead to a better relationship and less resentment. Figure out how much AP would spend each week if she went by metro/bus, round it up and give it to her as a weekly "transportation subsidy." She can then chose to spend it on cab/uber and either go less often or spend some of her stipend for travel or she can chose to spend it on going by bus/metro.

[Anonymous]

By not providing an AP with a car or covering their transportation cost (as long as they are 'reasonable', whatever that may mean) a HF is saving on the cost of another HF. Which I don't think is fair. HF A saves hundreds or thousands of dollars a year by not buying a designated AP car, not having to shell out for insurance, not paying for maintenance or gas or whatever and expects HF B or C or D to cough up the money for their AP so that their AP can pick up AP A (which most likely means driving a detour and thus more wear and tear and HF B/C/D/...'s car). Catching a ride with a friend works if it's your friend's car (and you give them $10 every once in a while or treat them for dinner or babysit for them or give them your notes for a class they had to miss) is one thing, as soon as you bring another HF into the mix it's not that easy any more (unless you think AP A paying HF B for every ride that AP B gives AP A is reasonable). You deciding not to provide your AP with a car or money for public transportation costs me money if my AP constantly has to pick your AP up. Why would I want to pay for your AP's transportation cost?

Exactly. We do live out in the suburbs. Metro train station < 2/3 mile. But APs without cars = stranded when it comes to popping out to Starbucks or the Mall while the kids are in school. Nor would I want to chance the AP getting stuck on Metro and not being on time for my kids. Is that worth a few extra $$ a week or shelling out for a third car? You bet!

[Anonymous]

It's really annoying for HF who provides car access to have to deal with other HF who provide no transportation and their AP is constantly in need of a ride. The stipend isn't adequate to pay $20/day in transport fees. And believe me, the last thing you want is AP who sits home all day. The walkable Starbucks isn't enough to keep most APs engaged for 6+ hours/day while kids are in school.

With all this said, it highlights the added major expense of hosting AP above and beyond agency fees, room, board, stipend, etc that many refuse to acknowledge when discussing AP costs. It's a huge expense that you would not have with a livebout sitter who provides their own car.

[Anonymous]

OP- You are sort of stuck since you are paying already.

A metro card is understandable since you don't offer a car.

Unlimited Uber budget is not reasonable. Can she connect her Uber account to a bank account? If so, I would add $x per week to her stipend to cover transportation. If she goes over, she can use the bus or call a friend.

(I would not base your budget on how much other HPs are spending on cars. Some have a dedicated car and pay all expenses. Someone quoted $2500 in insurance, while we only pay $600, it's not apples to apples.)

I also found that when in doubt, bring your au pair in the discussion. You want to be generous, but you want to be fair. Tell her you are new to this, and you realize you need to have a budget for Uber. Ask her to think about what would be a fair amount for you to contribute. Ask her to inquire with other APs what type of transportation is offered by their host families. A smart au pair will come up with a reasonable figure.

[Anonymous]

What normally happens with a car sharing AP like this one is eventually she will borrow the car and just not care that she returns 2 hours late; totally inconveniencing you and really pissing you off. The AP just won't care because she feels she is always being inconvenienced.
And then HF restricts car use or something and AP gets really bitter and the cookie crumbles to rematch. Seen it happen many times.
Our AP has a car and her friend shares a car but has use of a bike during the day. AP rides her bike to our house or our AP picks her everyday to hang out during school hours. She has been with her HF less than a month and likes her family and kids: but is already asking us to help her find a better family (with car access) in the area.
I actually like the friend more than my AP; so we are keeping an eye out for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course, all APs prefer Uber. Gone are the days that APs drive the Metro, park, go downtown to party, and go back to metro and go home. Mainly because Metro closes at midnight now (are there plans to go back to late night hours). So it is a dilemma.

You do not have a car to allow her to use? Just trying to understand.

Some au pairs are hesitant about getting in an Uber car and will prefer public transportation. It will depend upon where you au pair is from, what she is trying to do and during what hours, etc.