Does your AP entertain at your house?

[Anonymous]

This is insane. Never had an AP drink our booze, let alone hwr friends. And no they don't eat our food. It's not even a rule we've had to state. We've just had mature adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is insane. Never had an AP drink our booze, let alone hwr friends. And no they don't eat our food. It's not even a rule we've had to state. We've just had mature adults.

So what do they do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had varying degrees of this across our six au pairs, and the way I've felt about it depends very much in how happy I am with their job performance and whether I think they're taking advantage.

That said, no alcohol from our stash is given to friends ever. Period. In fact, we say very clearly in training that our au pair is expected to purchase her own alcohol at all times with the exception that when we are drinking at home and specifically offer it, she is welcome, which we honestly do 3-4 times a week. We had one au pair who was truly a part of the family and who would grab a beer from the fridge nightly without being offered and would sometimes give her friends our alcohol and it really bugged me for some reason but I let it go because she was awesome. She felt like such a part of the family and we offered her alcohol with us so frequently that I don't think it even occurred to her. The difference - she was clearly just so comfortable and not taking advantage.

Im sort of of two minds in this though. Believe me - been there. We had one au pair whose group would come over and making smoothies twice a week and it drove me crazy. $10 in frozen fruit and our entire container of Greek yogurt just gone twice a week. So yeah, easily $100 extra a month I was feeding her friends. But her friends were lovely, she was great, I was happy to host them, etc. I let it go.

Another au pair was a complete disaster. Phone obsessed, frequently lied, her friends were such shitheads. Would come in loud and rude and barely look at us, leave a mess. I was pretty clear they needed to bring their own snacks and ingredients for meals. I should have rematched with her honestly.

If you're happy with your au pair and you want to encourage her comfort with your family, I say let it go. Food is meant to be eaten and being generous goes a long way. And I've hear when our kids are teenagers to expect their friends to come in and eat a ton, so it's good practice.

But if your au pair is taking advantage or not living up to expectations, then deal with those things. But you might consider being less generous and sticking to an employer/employee relationship. Depends on what you want.

But alcohol - no. That's a liability issue, not a generousity one.

If I disliked my AP so much that $100/mo in snacks got my panties in a twist I would definitely rematch.

I feel so sorry for these girls with no place else to go... except back where they can from. And no refund for everything they spent. And invested.

Why should a family tough it out with an AP that's a bad match just because the AP invested a lot? It'll be a bad time for everyone if the match isn't right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is insane. Never had an AP drink our booze, let alone hwr friends. And no they don't eat our food. It's not even a rule we've had to state. We've just had mature adults.

So what do they do?

What ever other AP does. Hang out, party, travel, meet guys,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had varying degrees of this across our six au pairs, and the way I've felt about it depends very much in how happy I am with their job performance and whether I think they're taking advantage.

That said, no alcohol from our stash is given to friends ever. Period. In fact, we say very clearly in training that our au pair is expected to purchase her own alcohol at all times with the exception that when we are drinking at home and specifically offer it, she is welcome, which we honestly do 3-4 times a week. We had one au pair who was truly a part of the family and who would grab a beer from the fridge nightly without being offered and would sometimes give her friends our alcohol and it really bugged me for some reason but I let it go because she was awesome. She felt like such a part of the family and we offered her alcohol with us so frequently that I don't think it even occurred to her. The difference - she was clearly just so comfortable and not taking advantage.

Im sort of of two minds in this though. Believe me - been there. We had one au pair whose group would come over and making smoothies twice a week and it drove me crazy. $10 in frozen fruit and our entire container of Greek yogurt just gone twice a week. So yeah, easily $100 extra a month I was feeding her friends. But her friends were lovely, she was great, I was happy to host them, etc. I let it go.

Another au pair was a complete disaster. Phone obsessed, frequently lied, her friends were such shitheads. Would come in loud and rude and barely look at us, leave a mess. I was pretty clear they needed to bring their own snacks and ingredients for meals. I should have rematched with her honestly.

If you're happy with your au pair and you want to encourage her comfort with your family, I say let it go. Food is meant to be eaten and being generous goes a long way. And I've hear when our kids are teenagers to expect their friends to come in and eat a ton, so it's good practice.

But if your au pair is taking advantage or not living up to expectations, then deal with those things. But you might consider being less generous and sticking to an employer/employee relationship. Depends on what you want.

But alcohol - no. That's a liability issue, not a generousity one.

If I disliked my AP so much that $100/mo in snacks got my panties in a twist I would definitely rematch.

I feel so sorry for these girls with no place else to go... except back where they can from. And no refund for everything they spent. And invested.

Don't they all have to go "back where they came from," rematch or not? It's not like there is some special bonus for completing your AP year. If AP and/or HF are miserable, there is no reason to stick it out. I mean, I am sure it's embarrassing, but I don't think it's that horrible. I think it's more like deciding that you are going to hike the AT, spending a hincch of time and money preparing, then just not making it, and less like failing out of college.