Are we the only employers who sacrifice to afford a good nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a good job but DH has gone back to graduate school so mine is our only paycheck. When DC was born, we looked at daycares and were not impressed. We chose to go with a nanny and hired a very well-educated nanny with years of experience. She is wonderful and DC adores her. She has his days filled with classes, activities and is extremely imaginative and energetic. Pretty much every day we come home and he has learned something new.

We rent, use some of our savings to cover her salary and rarely go out to eat. I feel the sacrifice is well worth it for DC's emotional security and education. But I am surprised by how many on the General Forum, who own homes and take vacations, say they cannot afford a nanny and have their child in daycare.

Am I alone in this?

Yes, you are alone. There is no one else like you and there never will be. You love your child more than anyone else in the whole wide world. You are the bestest mother in the universe. You can collect your medal at booth 23.

+1

OP, you can't be serious. Right? People have different priorities. Many people (myself included) actually don't think nannies are always the best childcare option.

Some people feel that traveling with their kids and giving them life experiences is the most important thing. Some people think that owning a home and growing future wealth is more important to their children's long-term future than having a nanny now such that the parents will be able to pay to take care of themselves when they are older. Some people seriously can't afford a nanny, which can run $20k more than daycare if you only have one kid, so even if they do take one Hawaii vacation during the year, they still can't afford a nanny. Some people feel that daycare is safer because there are many people around and it is very regulated and they don't feel trusting enough of a single person alone taking care of their child. Some people feel that they would go insane if they didn't take vacations from life and choose sanity and rest for their children's sake rather than a nanny. Some people have parents who bought them a house and/or take them on vacation, so it may look like they're spending a lot of money to you, but they're really not. Etc.

Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a good job but DH has gone back to graduate school so mine is our only paycheck. When DC was born, we looked at daycares and were not impressed. We chose to go with a nanny and hired a very well-educated nanny with years of experience. She is wonderful and DC adores her. She has his days filled with classes, activities and is extremely imaginative and energetic. Pretty much every day we come home and he has learned something new.

We rent, use some of our savings to cover her salary and rarely go out to eat. I feel the sacrifice is well worth it for DC's emotional security and education. But I am surprised by how many on the General Forum, who own homes and take vacations, say they cannot afford a nanny and have their child in daycare.

Am I alone in this?

Yes, you are alone. There is no one else like you and there never will be. You love your child more than anyone else in the whole wide world. You are the bestest mother in the universe. You can collect your medal at booth 23.

+1

OP, you can't be serious. Right? People have different priorities. Many people (myself included) actually don't think nannies are always the best childcare option.

Some people feel that traveling with their kids and giving them life experiences is the most important thing. Some people think that owning a home and growing future wealth is more important to their children's long-term future than having a nanny now such that the parents will be able to pay to take care of themselves when they are older. Some people seriously can't afford a nanny, which can run $20k more than daycare if you only have one kid, so even if they do take one Hawaii vacation during the year, they still can't afford a nanny. Some people feel that daycare is safer because there are many people around and it is very regulated and they don't feel trusting enough of a single person alone taking care of their child. Some people feel that they would go insane if they didn't take vacations from life and choose sanity and rest for their children's sake rather than a nanny. Some people have parents who bought them a house and/or take them on vacation, so it may look like they're spending a lot of money to you, but they're really not. Etc.

Get over yourself.

I love this paragraph.

Something about this whole premise of sacrificing to have a nanny, or being judged if you take vacation but have your child in daycare, rubs me the wrong way. Daycare can be a terrific childcare solution, as can a nanny, as can a SAHM, or any other combination. I don't judge others on their choices.

I also don't martyr myself on the childcare issue. We are blessed to be able to afford a nanny. It was an affordable solution when we had multiple infants, now it's more of a luxury that we are blessed to be able to afford. But I won't sacrifice financial ease and peace of mind for that. If we had to seriously pennypinch then the stress of that would not be worth it - we'd find a more affordable form of childcare that didn't create financial stress. I don't see the nobility in straining one's financial resources. I don't even think that's wise. But if that works for your family great. Just don't sit there on your ivory tower judging others based on your assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Yup - the question itself is bizarre. We are in an excellent preschool, one that some parents sacrifice for (and some kids receive financial aid to attend). We sacrificed for the first two years to afford a nanny, and then we sacrificed for preschool. We have been ecstatic about both. Some of my co-workers sacrifice to have a stay at home parent, others to have a nanny, others to afford a high quality preschool...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP, about OP et al, patting themselves on the back. I'm a nanny btw. Some ppl put their kids in daycare because they're not comfortable with having a nanny and that's okay. I put my child in daycare because I, myself, am a nanny and if I need to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. There's no need to develop some type of superiority complex because you " sacrifice" for a nanny. I know a lot of well to do folks choose daycare because it's the best option for them. There's enough kids to supply both daycare and nannies with income.

I'm a mom also using savings to pay our nanny, but I agree 100% with this poster. We use a nanny because it is much more convenient and allows us to decide how our children will spend their days, but a good daycare offers different but equal benefits, especially for children over 2 IMO.

NP here and I disagree in that I don't think that daycare has equal benefits over a nanny even for a two-year-old. I want my kids to have the security that only napping in their own beds and being with one person devoted to their well-being can give them. Between 2 and 3 a few morning classes a week and some park time are really all kids need to thrive. By three a half-day preschool is perfect.

We most definitely sacrifice to pay for a nanny for our now 1.5 yr old. She is fantastic and my son is growing leaps and bounds in a secure and loving environment in his own home. Our nanny (who is extraordinary) is actually better at teaching him that I am.

I'mm the "different but equal" PP. I agreed with you, above poster, when I had one child. Now that I have 4, none of them school-aged yet, no one of them is getting that kind of obsessive, one-on-one attention anymore, and it's just fine. They have so much fun together that it more than makes up for the fact that my two-year-old takes a later nap than she would have had she been an only. Plenty of kids nap at daycare, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I agreed with you, above poster, when I had one child. Now that I have 4, none of them school-aged yet, no one of them is getting that kind of obsessive, one-on-one attention anymore, and it's just fine. They have so much fun together that it more than makes up for the fact that my two-year-old takes a later nap than she would have had she been an only. Plenty of kids nap at daycare, btw.

If your nanny isn't capable of handling four small children and teaching them, perhaps a different nanny would be a better solution. It's quite possible for all four children to be ready to read and capable of understanding adding and subtracting on one hand by the start of preschool, the nanny just has to be experienced with lots of young children. And frankly, if she can't establish a routine and stick to it, that's an issue. I worked 24/7 with 7 children, homeschooling all of them, it's possible, it just takes experience multi-tasking and a willingness to change something when it stops working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I agreed with you, above poster, when I had one child. Now that I have 4, none of them school-aged yet, no one of them is getting that kind of obsessive, one-on-one attention anymore, and it's just fine. They have so much fun together that it more than makes up for the fact that my two-year-old takes a later nap than she would have had she been an only. Plenty of kids nap at daycare, btw.

If your nanny isn't capable of handling four small children and teaching them, perhaps a different nanny would be a better solution. It's quite possible for all four children to be ready to read and capable of understanding adding and subtracting on one hand by the start of preschool, the nanny just has to be experienced with lots of young children. And frankly, if she can't establish a routine and stick to it, that's an issue. I worked 24/7 with 7 children, homeschooling all of them, it's possible, it just takes experience multi-tasking and a willingness to change something when it stops working.

If the nanny is working across 4 kids, the difference between that and good preschool/daycare is minimal.