New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with

[Anonymous]

nannydebsays wrote:so OP, you want your employee to be just that. An employee who comes in, does her job, and leaves. That means you need a LIVE-OUT caregiver.

You cannot rationally expect that you can open the door to the 250 sq ft bedroom she uses at her start time and then that you can put her back in her room when her work day is over. Her room might be 15' x 17' - would you go stir crazy if you were told to stay in that size space when you are "home" and not working?

Not the OP, but I do have to stay in a space like that when I am "home" but not working taking care of children. Every adult in the house does.

Have you ever lived with small children?

[Anonymous]

See, I was right about not liking OP the first time I read her first post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the reason we didn't go with a live-in OP. I think I would feel much the same way as you. It's churlish to expect someone to scurry into their room when their workday is over, but I really like having my family to myself in the evenings.

I'm not sure there is an easy solution for you. It's the kind of conversation that's easier to have when hiring, and when you don't have personal relationships yet, than after you have hired and it's becoming an issue.

+1 Unless the nanny has her own living area and kitchen, it does not seem possible to have your family and your living space to yourself in the evenings.

[Anonymous]

OP, it almost seems like you have an Au Pair type situation. Maybe you would get better advice on the Au Pair board.

[Anonymous]

Those are her off hours. You're already not paying her OT (I would have insisted if I were you). Pretend she's not there when shes relaxing, and take care of the kids yourself.

[nannydebsays]

Anonymous wrote:

nannydebsays wrote:so OP, you want your employee to be just that. An employee who comes in, does her job, and leaves. That means you need a LIVE-OUT caregiver.

You cannot rationally expect that you can open the door to the 250 sq ft bedroom she uses at her start time and then that you can put her back in her room when her work day is over. Her room might be 15' x 17' - would you go stir crazy if you were told to stay in that size space when you are "home" and not working?

I never said i wanted her locked in her room. She has an entire house. She is welcomed to sit with us but if she does then she is expected to act like I or my husband would or even my teenager. Responsible and aware of what is going on around her. So if my kids went into her room and hung out while she is in there, would that be ok to you guys? I really don't think so. Anyway it looks like I am wasting my time wih most of you here. Some that did respond were very helpful and I thank you, but some of you just talk out of your butts without thinking things through or reading properly.

Well, if you want her to be pitching in like an adult family member at any time she is around one of your kids, that should have been settled before she was hired. Now you have to try to re-work whatever agreement you have. Good luck with that.

[nannydebsays]

Anonymous wrote:

nannydebsays wrote:so OP, you want your employee to be just that. An employee who comes in, does her job, and leaves. That means you need a LIVE-OUT caregiver.

You cannot rationally expect that you can open the door to the 250 sq ft bedroom she uses at her start time and then that you can put her back in her room when her work day is over. Her room might be 15' x 17' - would you go stir crazy if you were told to stay in that size space when you are "home" and not working?

Not the OP, but I do have to stay in a space like that when I am "home" but not working taking care of children. Every adult in the house does.

Have you ever lived with small children?

Sorry, I have no clue what you are talking about. Is your home just 15' x 17'? Or do you live "with" multiple adults, each of whom is confined to a single room when they are not working? Because that sounds like prison...

[Anonymous]

nannydebsays wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

nannydebsays wrote:so OP, you want your employee to be just that. An employee who comes in, does her job, and leaves. That means you need a LIVE-OUT caregiver.

You cannot rationally expect that you can open the door to the 250 sq ft bedroom she uses at her start time and then that you can put her back in her room when her work day is over. Her room might be 15' x 17' - would you go stir crazy if you were told to stay in that size space when you are "home" and not working?

Not the OP, but I do have to stay in a space like that when I am "home" but not working taking care of children. Every adult in the house does.

Have you ever lived with small children?

Sorry, I have no clue what you are talking about. Is your home just 15' x 17'? Or do you live "with" multiple adults, each of whom is confined to a single room when they are not working? Because that sounds like prison...

If you want to be left alone go to your room and close the door. Looks like both the OP and nanny came in with different expectations and time to re-evaluate things.

[Anonymous]

nannydebsays wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

nannydebsays wrote:so OP, you want your employee to be just that. An employee who comes in, does her job, and leaves. That means you need a LIVE-OUT caregiver.

You cannot rationally expect that you can open the door to the 250 sq ft bedroom she uses at her start time and then that you can put her back in her room when her work day is over. Her room might be 15' x 17' - would you go stir crazy if you were told to stay in that size space when you are "home" and not working?

Not the OP, but I do have to stay in a space like that when I am "home" but not working taking care of children. Every adult in the house does.

Have you ever lived with small children?

Sorry, I have no clue what you are talking about. Is your home just 15' x 17'? Or do you live "with" multiple adults, each of whom is confined to a single room when they are not working? Because that sounds like prison...

lol...I don't think it's like prison.
I just meant that if I am home, and my nanny or my husband is in charge of the children, I still need to go to my room in order to relax and not have any childcare duties. Even though it is my home, I am not really free to plop down on the couch and watch Revenge if all of the kids are there and awake, even if my nanny is there watching them.
(I do also have a car and access to the gym, coffee shop, movie theatre, mall, etc. if I don't feel like being in my room. It really isn't a prison.)

[Anonymous]

OP, you said that you got her channels from her country for her laptop, but is there actually an ok size TV in her room? I just don't get why an adult would want to watch TV with kids, if they have same TV in their room where try control programming... You might want to approach it from another angle: is she missing something when relaxing (bored, lonely, has no idea what to do) and that's why the best thing she can come up with is hanging out with you.... Maybe just ask her what she likes to do, maybe something is needed for her room (comfortable chair?) so that she can relax there.

And for the record: I lived for 3 years in grad school in 9' x 10' room with a bathroom shared by 9 young ladies... It was FINE. It was not a prison. And I did not have TV or a laptop.

[Anonymous]

Most live ins and au pairs retire to their rooms after dinner for tv, calls, Internet time, etc. People need space and privacy.

Even with live in family members we simply told them that after dinner is family time. A nanny should understand that and be fine.

[Anonymous]

Does she have a car (and $$$) to go out?

[Anonymous]

She might just be missing her family and she misses them a bit less when she's in the mix of things as opposed to being off in her room.
It could also be her culture too it might be considered rude to close off in her room after hours.
I'm a bit different though our nannies and au pairs are considered part of the family so there is no intrusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never said I would not pay overtime. We have always paid our employees overtime. I said it was a nice gesture of her to refuse on the 15-30 mins extra she worked on two days, because she had not finished her chores. Had she worked for an extra hour or three hours, then without a doubt i would pay her for the work she did. Maybe if you read the whole thread you would of realized that. I didn't come here trying to find ways to take advantage of our employee. I came here for advice on trying to tell her how we feel without insulting/hurting her feelings while keeping everyone happy. Pretty tired of getting attacked from the few here, when i have treated our new live in with respect and show her great appreciation.

No one said I dump my kids on her when off duty. She comes into our space. I should not have to put my 2 year old in a high chair or take him away from our gated family room because she wants to sit and watch tv with them. All I was asking is how do I tell her nicely, that from 7pm (time she finished) to 9pm (time kids go to bed), I would like to spend it alone with my family. I am sure most of you would not want to hangout with your boss 24/7 and vice versa

If you don't want her in the family room while you have family time than you need to provide her with her own similar area. I think it is awful to think I would not be wanted in the living area. Like a prior poster said, you moved her in so this is no longer just your family space. This is a choice you made having a LI. Also I would be careful with the no pay for the OT. Yes she is ok with it now but she could go to the board of labor and show the hours she has no been paid during her employment. 15 mins here and there add up to hours in the end. I would cover your butt and pay so you don't get screwed later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

nannydebsays wrote:so OP, you want your employee to be just that. An employee who comes in, does her job, and leaves. That means you need a LIVE-OUT caregiver.

You cannot rationally expect that you can open the door to the 250 sq ft bedroom she uses at her start time and then that you can put her back in her room when her work day is over. Her room might be 15' x 17' - would you go stir crazy if you were told to stay in that size space when you are "home" and not working?

I never said i wanted her locked in her room. She has an entire house. She is welcomed to sit with us but if she does then she is expected to act like I or my husband would or even my teenager. Responsible and aware of what is going on around her. So if my kids went into her room and hung out while she is in there, would that be ok to you guys? I really don't think so. Anyway it looks like I am wasting my time wih most of you here. Some that did respond were very helpful and I thank you, but some of you just talk out of your butts without thinking things through or reading properly.

From reading over the entire thread, I see that the OP has asked for feedback but is very defensive when the responses do not match with what she wants to hear. OP, you made the decision to come here to seek feedback, can you at least attempt to understand what majority of the posters are saying? You have latched on to the minority of responses who are supportive of your way of thinking and basically telling the others to f-off.

You have a Live-In Nanny who you have decided will be a part of your family and your initial post is about her helping out with the kids while in the common area, then you said your main concern is time with your family alone - which is it? From your initial post and responses following, a Live-In Nanny is not the ideal situation OR you will need to have a talk with your nanny about expectations re the 7 to 9pm timeframe. I do not think its too much to ask your nanny to allow you to spend some alone time with your family during that period. Also, the suggestion to have a TV put in her room is a good one.