Why is this such a hard concept to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well for those who cannot successfully implement it, then need to use a daycare instead. You cannot rely on just ONE person and only ONE person for all of your child care needs at all times. It's just not possible for someone to be your only option ever and then worry about being fired if a relative of theirs dies suddenly or if they themselves land in the hospital.

If you find a "real" nanny, one of the good ones, the type that really love your children and you make feel like part of your family, they will be reliable and not feel "sick" all the time and have family members "die" every other month requiring a week off. Our nanny has never left us in a lurch on regularly scheduled work days in 3 years. Sure she isn't available at our beckon call, we ask her to babysit often and she usually isn't available, but for work days M-F she has never taken a sick day. She take a week of vacation (in one continuous block) every year and always gives us like 4-6 months notice of that. She get's another 2-3 weeks of paid vacation when we travel. So if you find an actual, professional, respectful nanny and treat her like a human being and a friend instead of an office drone you will see how awesome having a nanny can be.

I think that my nanny also fits this description.

She has called off in the past because she had to get an emergency surgery herself once, and her father was ill another time. Her husband texted me while they were waiting in the ER both times to let me know that she wasn't going to be at work the next day, so I was able to arrange care (and express my sympathy for my nanny, visit her in the hospital, etc.).
She didn't call at 7am, leaving me to scramble at the last minute, then tell me it was my responsibility to have back-up care.

The scrambling would be your fault, not hers. That is the whole point of the thread. If I don't wake up for work until 6:30, realize then that I'm not going to make it to work that day, and it takes 30 minutes to finally reach my MB, her having to scramble is really not my fault. Just like there are things that suck sometimes, and make my job difficult, like bus/metro delays, they still are my concern and not hers.

[Anonymous]

This thread has made it apparent that I need to require a backup plan from future employers, since so many of you are so complacent about it. I will even help them line it up, and set it in motion myself, but I'm not going to feel bad because I'm human and you're irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has made it apparent that I need to require a backup plan from future employers, since so many of you are so complacent about it. I will even help them line it up, and set it in motion myself, but I'm not going to feel bad because I'm human and you're irresponsible.

Please stop with the name calling. Backup care is hard, especially to arrange within an hour or two for a sick day. There is no personal fault on either side if someone gets sick and it's tough to line up an immediate solution. That's life and that's the reality for any working parent.

If a prospective nanny asked me how I handle backup care I would think that was a smart question. If he/she "required a backup plan from employers" I would find that presumptive of incompetence and condescending and would send you on your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has made it apparent that I need to require a backup plan from future employers, since so many of you are so complacent about it. I will even help them line it up, and set it in motion myself, but I'm not going to feel bad because I'm human and you're irresponsible.

Please stop with the name calling. Backup care is hard, especially to arrange within an hour or two for a sick day. There is no personal fault on either side if someone gets sick and it's tough to line up an immediate solution. That's life and that's the reality for any working parent.

If a prospective nanny asked me how I handle backup care I would think that was a smart question. If he/she "required a backup plan from employers" I would find that presumptive of incompetence and condescending and would send you on your way.

Where was I name calling? Irresponsible? That's name calling? If you have a responsibility that you do not handle you're irresponsible. Sorry you don't like facts. The fault lies in the fact that nannies get crap when they take off because its "hard" for you. If you recognize that its hard because of your own inaction and don't fault your nanny, then that's fine. Most of you are still making excuses though. Its hard because you haven't done your due diligence. My boss never gives me crap about being sick because she has drop in care, backup sitters, and her own PTO reserve. Not really that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has made it apparent that I need to require a backup plan from future employers, since so many of you are so complacent about it. I will even help them line it up, and set it in motion myself, but I'm not going to feel bad because I'm human and you're irresponsible.

Please stop with the name calling. Backup care is hard, especially to arrange within an hour or two for a sick day. There is no personal fault on either side if someone gets sick and it's tough to line up an immediate solution. That's life and that's the reality for any working parent.

If a prospective nanny asked me how I handle backup care I would think that was a smart question. If he/she "required a backup plan from employers" I would find that presumptive of incompetence and condescending and would send you on your way.

Where was I name calling? Irresponsible? That's name calling? If you have a responsibility that you do not handle you're irresponsible. Sorry you don't like facts. The fault lies in the fact that nannies get crap when they take off because its "hard" for you. If you recognize that its hard because of your own inaction and don't fault your nanny, then that's fine. Most of you are still making excuses though. Its hard because you haven't done your due diligence. My boss never gives me crap about being sick because she has drop in care, backup sitters, and her own PTO reserve. Not really that hard.

I'm not saying I will verbally require it, I mean not having it would be a huge red flag that tells me you're either lazy, cheap, or banking on me being superhuman, none of which I have time for.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a problem staying home myself or lining up backup from my husband IF we have proper notice, at least the night before. If the nanny calls an hour or two before she's scheduled to arrive, that's tough for anyone to cover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well for those who cannot successfully implement it, then need to use a daycare instead. You cannot rely on just ONE person and only ONE person for all of your child care needs at all times. It's just not possible for someone to be your only option ever and then worry about being fired if a relative of theirs dies suddenly or if they themselves land in the hospital.

If you find a "real" nanny, one of the good ones, the type that really love your children and you make feel like part of your family, they will be reliable and not feel "sick" all the time and have family members "die" every other month requiring a week off. Our nanny has never left us in a lurch on regularly scheduled work days in 3 years. Sure she isn't available at our beckon call, we ask her to babysit often and she usually isn't available, but for work days M-F she has never taken a sick day. She take a week of vacation (in one continuous block) every year and always gives us like 4-6 months notice of that. She get's another 2-3 weeks of paid vacation when we travel. So if you find an actual, professional, respectful nanny and treat her like a human being and a friend instead of an office drone you will see how awesome having a nanny can be.

I think that my nanny also fits this description.

She has called off in the past because she had to get an emergency surgery herself once, and her father was ill another time. Her husband texted me while they were waiting in the ER both times to let me know that she wasn't going to be at work the next day, so I was able to arrange care (and express my sympathy for my nanny, visit her in the hospital, etc.).
She didn't call at 7am, leaving me to scramble at the last minute, then tell me it was my responsibility to have back-up care.

The scrambling would be your fault, not hers. That is the whole point of the thread. If I don't wake up for work until 6:30, realize then that I'm not going to make it to work that day, and it takes 30 minutes to finally reach my MB, her having to scramble is really not my fault. Just like there are things that suck sometimes, and make my job difficult, like bus/metro delays, they still are my concern and not hers.

So you think that the family ought to be able to arrange back-up care within an hour? Just trying to understand what your expectations are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a problem staying home myself or lining up backup from my husband IF we have proper notice, at least the night before. If the nanny calls an hour or two before she's scheduled to arrive, that's tough for anyone to cover.

Yes, exactly. Planned time off, or being out sick for a couple of days is infinitely easier to manage than the morning of/unexpected absences. Of course they are going to happen sometimes, we are all human, but it is difficult and stressful to solve at the last minute (and early in the morning) no matter how many backup options one might have.

[Anonymous]

Some of these MB posts appall me. If a nanny has a family member who is suddenly hospitalized, or herself has an emergency, you will still act churlish if she calls at 7 am. I am a long-time MB and have always had back-up care in place. Other friends' nannies, back up sitters, as well as friends. I travel, used to travel a lot, and overseas for many days. DH also travels. There are times even with back up, it still all goes sideways. Sometimes, we just have to suck it up. My nanny was hospitalized one day on the job even. I went to the hospital to check on her and bring her home (she lives in). I also pulled in back up care so I could help her. This shit happens. It's called life and you can't expect your nanny to be less affected by life happening any less than you are when it happens to you.

[Anonymous]

I had a high fever one day. I had been feeling awful. Back aches & chills. While the kids were napping I called to see if they could let me go home. I was told if I didn't go to urgent care then I couldn't leave. It was a good thing I went to Urgent care because I ended up having a kidney infection. I called to let MB know and she made me come back because "it wasn't contagious." I had agreed to watch the kiddos for a date night a few weeks before. If I hadn't needed my paycheck....I would have told her to shove it. I quickly found another job and gave notice.

[Anonymous]

I almost got fired after having to miss a day after being rear ended on ice and needed the next day to handle insurance, repair, and getting rental car. They have no backup care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, some people just have to learn the hard way be they employer or nanny. That's really all it is.

I actually ask about back up care plans in interviews now, and if they do not have a plan I am more than willing to help them formulate options.

I've done the always available nanny thing, and it wasn't good for my health physical or emotional.

I'm at a point in my life where I have certain standards .when it comes to my well being and my job.

Call me entitled if you want. I would agree with you . I am entitled to a relationship with my loved ones, I am entitled to taking care of my health and body, and I am entitle to working for people who respect me, and I in turn respect them.

I'm a mom and respect nannies that have this level of respect for themselves and expectations of the job - I think it shows real professionalism, and makes me feel confident they won't burn out on the job. Life/work balance is critical for everyone's happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many nanny families flat out refuse to have any sort of backup care in place? I see it so often on here and in my nanny jobs and with other nannies I know. Is it to put pressure on the nanny to never be gone? It was hell for me when my dad suddenly and unexpectedly passes away to have to go through that and feel guilty about missing some work. I be nearly lost my job because of how much strain it put on mb and db. Can't wait til my contract ends.

This is really important for every NF to address.