NEVER, NEVER, NEVER discuss personal pregnancy plans IF you're a woman AND you want a job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is too much extremism going through this conversation. The idea that you are pitting your family against someone else's will lead to disintegration every time. While we girls sit around fighting each other men are going about their business of earning 30% more and all the privileges that come along with having a penis.

My suggestion is that we try to compromise and not become so disenfranchised that we settle for disparities rather than fight them. You don't see men fighting for the subjugation of other men. If you feel the status quo of ignoring women's rights is wrong than you can choose be to the change agent. Focus on what you CAN do. Are you able to give her three weeks leave and allow her to bring the baby to work for three weeks? Are you able to take you annual family vacation immediately before or after her paid vacation so that she has three weeks or a month? Perhaps a nanny in her play group, who already knows your kids, can take your little one along with hers own for a week in order to extend the leave just a week longer.

I have no idea what all the answers are but I do know that we women can make a way or find a way when it comes to our kids. Otherwise, maybe the men are right and our second class status is a reflection of our aptitude.

Amen! If you believe something is wrong, then you have a responsibility to speak up and do right, and doing the right thing is rarely convenient. If women are ever going to have true equality, we need to demand it not just for ourselves but for every woman. You are doing a serious disservice to all of us when you discriminate against any woman who wants to exercise her freedom to have a family or even against women for simply being of childbearing age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know women's rights is important but being a nanny is not the same as a basic "job". When your job is working at McDonalds, you are paid for the time you are there and that is it, you can easily be replaced with nearly anyone, you have coworkers, the company has enough staff, resources, and money to not be effected by your absence. Being a nanny is very different, you can't be replaced easily, the family doesn't have the resources to cover your absence, they can't hold your position for 2 months for maternity leave, the children bond with you, etc etc etc. Too bad that is how it is.

Bullshit.

Sorry, but there are plenty of jobs where it is a pain in the neck for employers to replace you, where organizations have limited resources, and where continuity of relationships are key. Teachers, doctors, and therapists, are just the first three of many jobs that come to mind. Nannying is far from unique in that respect. But anti-discrimination laws prohibit asking questions about pregnancy whether current or intended, with the intention of using that information to make employment decisions. Because it's discrimination, plain and simple. Too bad, that's how it is.

That's not entirely true. I'm a physician in a practice with 7 other physicians. When I was on maternity leave there were 7 other physicians to cover for me. Physicians who were already there, in my office who didn't need to be trained while I was out. If I had 7 other nannies to cover for mine who already worked in my home it wouldn't be a big deal at all. Same kind of thing goes for therapists. Teachers are more like nannies but a lot of teachers I know planned their pregnancies so they would deliver over the summer so it wouldn't be a problem with work. There are also a lot of substitute teachers that can be called in if someone is on maternity leave. It's not really a lot of extra work for a school to find a replacement. On the other hand it is A LOT of work for a family to find a temporary replacement for their nanny.

In an ideal world there would be no discrimination based on a woman's plans to have children but I don't see any way around it. Growing up my parents always taught me that I could have any career I wanted and STILL have the family life I want but sadly that just isn't the case. There are ALWAYS compromises and sacrifices. If I work (even part-time), I'm always going to miss some events, milestones etc in my children's lives. If I stay home I will lose my skills as a physician and never be able to work in my field again. I lost my very first job when I finished my training when they found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was out of work for 6 months while I was pregnant because it was difficult to find someone to hire a pregnant woman. Any woman I know who wants a family struggles with how to balance work and family, whether it's changing jobs or careers or giving up their profession completely because it's not compatible with a family life, being a mother and having a career, any career, is HARD and in some cases it's harder than others. I know people will say that because I'm a woman who has been discriminated against because I had children I should be more understanding about others (ie a nanny) wanting to have a family and maintain her career as well. But keep in mind that I am struggling too and need to do what is best for MY family and I have to put them first above all else. Just because I don't think it's fair or right doesn't mean I am willing to sacrifice my children's happiness for someone else's. I've risked my own job for the sake of my children (taking time off at the very last minute when DC was really sick knowing my job wouldn't like it and they could let me go). I would risk my job a thousand times if I had to for my children, that's the choice I made when I wanted to have children and that's unfortunately the choice many women have to make. If we already had a beloved nanny who happened to become pregnant I would absolutely work with her to keep her BUT if I have tons of excellent applicants for a position I would not knowingly hire someone who is going to put my family in a difficult situation. It just doesn't make sense to do that to my children, fair or not, my children ALWAYS come first.

I'm the person who posted that. I'm also a school administrator. I've found replacement nannies for my child, and I've found replacements for teachers on maternity leave. The latter is far more difficult. If you think you can just pick up a phone and call someone who will know your curriculum, have relationships with your students' parents, be up to date on all the IEPs, you're very naive. I could easily argue that hiring teachers that might be pregnant is bad for my family, as they're the ones who will see less of me at home as I add hours to my day to check references, interview candidates, coach the candidate on curriculum, talk down the anxious parents who think teachers shouldn't have babies etc . . . But I don't because I know the right thing to do.

I don't raise my kids to come first when it's a matter of discrimination. I raise them to know what's right, and to stand up for it, even when it doesn't benefit them directly.

I LOVE what you said and how you said it. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IF they ask you (which is illegal,)
you say something vague, like
"In a few years, we hope to have a family,
but it's hard to know exactly how many years from now."
That's how ALL women are advised
to handle such INTRUSIVE questions,
if they want a job.

Given the ever increasing rates of infertility,
it's crazy to assume you can even get pregnant,
unless you've taken good measures
to maintain your optimal health.

As an additional note,
any family asking about your PERSONAL life,
has BOUNDARY issues,
and should be considered a RED FLAG.
Nanny, BEWARE.

[Anonymous]

I have never seen a third trimester pregnant full time nanny.
I have never seen paid maternity leave for a nanny either (or most wage jobs).
I have never see a nanny want to work as a nanny throughout her whole pregnancy.
I have sometimes seen a nanny try to find a job where she also cares for her infant/baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen a third trimester pregnant full time nanny.
I have never seen paid maternity leave for a nanny either (or most wage jobs).
I have never see a nanny want to work as a nanny throughout her whole pregnancy.
I have sometimes seen a nanny try to find a job where she also cares for her infant/baby.

Do you have a point to make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen a third trimester pregnant full time nanny.
I have never seen paid maternity leave for a nanny either (or most wage jobs).
I have never see a nanny want to work as a nanny throughout her whole pregnancy.
I have sometimes seen a nanny try to find a job where she also cares for her infant/baby.

Do you have a point to make?

Point is physically demanding jobs such as nannying are not compatible with late pregnancy. Get a desk job or stay home safer for you and your charge.

[Anonymous]

Since I am searching for stability for my child, my childcare needs, and my sanity I feel it is perfectly fair for me to ask if you have any plans to start a family of your own requiring me to replace you.

Of course you are free to refuse to answer that question but don't leave with the impression that I will hire you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IF they ask you (which is illegal,)
you say something vague, like
"In a few years, we hope to have a family,
but it's hard to know exactly how many years from now."
That's how ALL women are advised
to handle such INTRUSIVE questions,
if they want a job.

Given the ever increasing rates of infertility,
it's crazy to assume you can even get pregnant,
unless you've taken good measures
to maintain your optimal health.

As an additional note,
any family asking about your PERSONAL life,
has BOUNDARY issues,
and should be considered a RED FLAG.
Nanny, BEWARE.

Always say, "Maybe in a few years." If at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since I am searching for stability for my child, my childcare needs, and my sanity I feel it is perfectly fair for me to ask if you have any plans to start a family of your own requiring me to replace you.

Of course you are free to refuse to answer that question but don't leave with the impression that I will hire you.

Perhaps you ought to get a family member, or do it yourself if you truly care about real stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since I am searching for stability for my child, my childcare needs, and my sanity I feel it is perfectly fair for me to ask if you have any plans to start a family of your own requiring me to replace you.

Of course you are free to refuse to answer that question but don't leave with the impression that I will hire you.

Perhaps you ought to get a family member, or do it yourself if you truly care about real stability.

Next best thing would be a nanny who can be with family for long-term

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since I am searching for stability for my child, my childcare needs, and my sanity I feel it is perfectly fair for me to ask if you have any plans to start a family of your own requiring me to replace you.

Of course you are free to refuse to answer that question but don't leave with the impression that I will hire you.

its so simple, just hire nannies who are done having their kids. thats like most of the market except for the 20-something dcum girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IF they ask you (which is illegal,)
you say something vague, like
"In a few years, we hope to have a family,
but it's hard to know exactly how many years from now."
That's how ALL women are advised
to handle such INTRUSIVE questions,
if they want a job.

Given the ever increasing rates of infertility,
it's crazy to assume you can even get pregnant,
unless you've taken good measures
to maintain your optimal health.

As an additional note,
any family asking about your PERSONAL life,
has BOUNDARY issues,
and should be considered a RED FLAG.
Nanny, BEWARE.

[Anonymous]

The Jobs and Career forum on this site in the parents section, has some excellent advice on this very topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since I am searching for stability for my child, my childcare needs, and my sanity I feel it is perfectly fair for me to ask if you have any plans to start a family of your own requiring me to replace you.

Of course you are free to refuse to answer that question but don't leave with the impression that I will hire you.

What about your employer who also wants stability with an employee? If you are pregnant, at the very least, you take off a lot of time for dr. appts., bed rest for two to three months plus maternity leave, time off to take care of sick kids. Why should your employer have to foot the tab for you. No one is indispensable but they have to keep job open for you. Tnis is grossly unfair. ALL female employees, irrespective of number of employees by employer, should have the same protection, particularly domestic qnd hourly employees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since I am searching for stability for my child, my childcare needs, and my sanity I feel it is perfectly fair for me to ask if you have any plans to start a family of your own requiring me to replace you.

Of course you are free to refuse to answer that question but don't leave with the impression that I will hire you.

What about your employer who also wants stability with an employee? If you are pregnant, at the very least, you take off a lot of time for dr. appts., bed rest for two to three months plus maternity leave, time off to take care of sick kids. Why should your employer have to foot the tab for you. No one is indispensable but they have to keep job open for you. Tnis is grossly unfair. ALL female employees, irrespective of number of employees by employer, should have the same protection, particularly domestic qnd hourly employees.

Agree. This shows how "women's rights" are for the rich women, but not the poor ones. How is that right?