Nanny does very little work

[Anonymous]

OP, I have some feedback for you, and please take it the way it is intended. You are not a good candidate for nanny care. Not because you don't know "what a professional nanny" is, not because you "don't value good childcare" or any other silliness, but for a completely different reason that's obvious to me. Your kids are not under the care of your nanny for long enough to justify her continued employment. From your account of a typical day, it seems that all your nanny does is 1) drop them at school first thing in the morning, 2) feed the little one lunch and put him down for a nap, and 3) pick up the older one and play with them for an hour before you get back home. In their day, there is simply very little time to do anything other than ensure the physical needs of your children (food, sleep) and errands (drop off, pick up). Your nanny has no opportunity to take them to classes, playdates, park etc. - most of their educational needs are currently met by their school. She doesn't want to do anything other than nannying, and she's entitled to feel this way, but as an extension of that, in your particular situation, she gets to sit on her ass for five hours a day, to which she is not entitled. But obviously, for her, it's a sweet gig. So there's that.

On the other hand, you clearly have a need for competent household help with errands (drop off, pick up), cooking, laundry, organization etc., and your children's schedule provides more than ample time to get these things done. If I were you, I would hire a household assistant who doesn't mind drop off/pick up and playing with your kids for an hour before you get home among her other housekeeping duties. This person is not a nanny because the majority of her duties aren't nannying, they are housekeeping. There is no shame in this, it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, we all want Alice, but no one here can find that dear sweet lady who does it all, -with a smile!

There is a whole range of providers between the warm-body, DCUM, nanny-princess types and Alice. Everyone I know, including myself, who has kept a nanny for more than a year or two has found someone who goes well beyond basic child-minding and doesn't trumpet self-made rules about what nannies do and don't do. The new parents who ended up with someone who did nothing of value while the kids napped all canned the nanny after a year or two, sometimes lying about plans to put the children in daycare or have the mother SAHM.

Some parents (not you), feel that excellent childcare is something of "value". Obviously, they are the ones who respect childcare as a "real" job. You, on the other hand, seem to see your child unworthy of the full attention of a professional. Now, before you throw another toddler temper tantrum, that doesn't mean nanny "can't" do anything else.

It does mean, that I as an adult woman, shall determine what else I shall do. Now, again, before you get bent out of shape, that's just how I operate. You'd be wasting your money on a professional, so don't bother. You're the type who wants a "nanny" to just obey your random orders.

Btw, you do know, that's not a nanny, don't you?

No adult person, including the POTUS, determines what they do on someone else's time and dime. You may have ideas about what you'd like to do, but if your employer disagrees, you are not a match. It's not because they've never dealt with a professional nanny before, it's not because they don't respect childcare, it's because you don't have a meeting of the minds. You aren't the maker of rules in nanny kingdom, you're just one service provider on a very plentiful market. There may very well be distinctions between nannies and non-nannies, but not honoring parental rules isn't one of them.

Just for your little feeble-minded brain, I'll give you one little example how a professional would NEVER blindly obey parental requests. An MB told me one day, to "spank" her child if he did certain behaviors. Just like you, the woman actually had total expectation that I as the "nanny", should, and would, follow her instructions. And guess what?! She was every bit as crazy as you are, for such utter stupidity. Even though she was the high-powered "educated" lawyer, she was completely clueless and ignorant, as to how to be a good parent. And even more stupid to think she could tell an experienced and trained professional, how to do her job. Now, you may have thoughts to share, but if we're not on the same page about the basics, I won't waste my time on you, unless I'm convinced you want to learn about your child's most essential needs. Of course, if a parental request makes no difference to the child or to me, I am inclined to be accommodating, but never to the detriment of the child. Never, Never, Never. No. Matter. What. Sorry.

And how is it that you, an epitome of nanny perfection, a jewel among dung, a shining beacon of marypoppingsness, found yourself working for such an utterly clueless MB who was evidently so far from being on the same page with your august views? Did you follow your own advice of checking and re-checking references, which you no doubt dispense with a generous hand? Did you have any discussion at all, prior to commencing your employment, on what the person who signs your checks thinks ought to be done with her child? Or did you simply start the job with an expectation that she will do as told?

I will leave you with this parting thought, o the unwise one: you are not an expert on every child's needs. You don't know what request makes a difference to a particular child. You don't know what is and is not to the detriment of a particular child - certainly not better than their parent.

PS: How were you trained again? What exactly are your credentials, beyond Internet access?

Two thoughts for you, at the moment:

1. My encounter with the spanking MB, was many moons ago. I was young and very naive back then. I was shattered to pieces when my employer ordered me to hurt her own child. I was in a state of complete shock and disbelief. I must have thought that educated lawyer parents would have some common sense. I was woefully wrong, as you can see. I hadn't be "degreed", but I did have common sense, even in my youth. I actually did know for sure, that telling a nanny to spank your child, was terribly wrong. Soon after that horrific experience, I had to give notice. Just couldn't tolerate knowing what she was doing to her little innocent child. It was so sad. She was due to soon deliver her second child, and she wanted me to take care of her newborn to. I would have loved to do that, but couldn't. I had to make up some polite reason why I had to go back to school. It still haunts me today to think about how that poor little boy just needed to be loved, but his mommy wanted me to hurt him instead. I still have pictures of him having fun with the other children at the playground in his neighborhood. His name was Peter. It was another part of the country, not here. Maybe someday I'll find out if he's ok. I hope so.

2. I can tell you who best understands a child's needs, if you really want to know. It's the person who knows the child the best. Certainly not always, but that person is usually whoever spends the most time with the child. In some families, it may be a parent or other caring relative. Here on this forum, that person is often the fulltime nanny. It's simply not possible to know a person very well without spending much time with him, or her. A few minutes, if that, of "quality time" just before bedtime, doesn't do it. Your weekend of crazy dashing from one activity to another, doesn't do it either. I see parents who think, if they only cram in enough after school activities, maybe the kid won't notice that you're almost never there. It doesn't work that way. Your kids are way smarter than that. They know what your priorities are, and that's what you make time for. The fact that mommy and daddy have important jobs downtown, doesn't make up for your children feeling rejected and unloved by you. Having a nice house and clothes doesn't make up for it either, nor do the expensive vacations or even the mounting college fund accruing interest every quarter. Nothing makes up for having a mom and dad who just didn't seem to care much about their child. Sure, they say they do, they just don't act like it.

[Anonymous]

Wow, there is such disdain from some nannies for the MBs and DBs that employ them. Only thing that can account for these kind of sentiments is that they have run into some pretty bad employers. Generalizing about how MBs and DBs don't really care about their kids is a reflection of you having a (few?) bad experience(s), not a blanket reality.

[Anonymous]

Not every employer is bad or deceitful, nor is every nanny loving or professional.

[Anonymous]

When I am working my summer nanny position after the two year old goes down for his nap and if his older brother is off playing at the neighbors I make sure to tidy up any toys, and clean up from lunch before relaxing. Of course I don't have to do laundry, just dishes and general tidying. Even when I babysit occasionally I make sure anything that has been made a mess of since I've been there has been picked up before sitting down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I am working my summer nanny position after the two year old goes down for his nap and if his older brother is off playing at the neighbors I make sure to tidy up any toys, and clean up from lunch before relaxing. Of course I don't have to do laundry, just dishes and general tidying. Even when I babysit occasionally I make sure anything that has been made a mess of since I've been there has been picked up before sitting down.

You sound like a professional nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have some feedback for you, and please take it the way it is intended. You are not a good candidate for nanny care. Not because you don't know "what a professional nanny" is, not because you "don't value good childcare" or any other silliness, but for a completely different reason that's obvious to me. Your kids are not under the care of your nanny for long enough to justify her continued employment. From your account of a typical day, it seems that all your nanny does is 1) drop them at school first thing in the morning, 2) feed the little one lunch and put him down for a nap, and 3) pick up the older one and play with them for an hour before you get back home. In their day, there is simply very little time to do anything other than ensure the physical needs of your children (food, sleep) and errands (drop off, pick up). Your nanny has no opportunity to take them to classes, playdates, park etc. - most of their educational needs are currently met by their school. She doesn't want to do anything other than nannying, and she's entitled to feel this way, but as an extension of that, in your particular situation, she gets to sit on her ass for five hours a day, to which she is not entitled. But obviously, for her, it's a sweet gig. So there's that.

On the other hand, you clearly have a need for competent household help with errands (drop off, pick up), cooking, laundry, organization etc., and your children's schedule provides more than ample time to get these things done. If I were you, I would hire a household assistant who doesn't mind drop off/pick up and playing with your kids for an hour before you get home among her other housekeeping duties. This person is not a nanny because the majority of her duties aren't nannying, they are housekeeping. There is no shame in this, it is what it is.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have some feedback for you, and please take it the way it is intended. You are not a good candidate for nanny care. Not because you don't know "what a professional nanny" is, not because you "don't value good childcare" or any other silliness, but for a completely different reason that's obvious to me. Your kids are not under the care of your nanny for long enough to justify her continued employment. From your account of a typical day, it seems that all your nanny does is 1) drop them at school first thing in the morning, 2) feed the little one lunch and put him down for a nap, and 3) pick up the older one and play with them for an hour before you get back home. In their day, there is simply very little time to do anything other than ensure the physical needs of your children (food, sleep) and errands (drop off, pick up). Your nanny has no opportunity to take them to classes, playdates, park etc. - most of their educational needs are currently met by their school. She doesn't want to do anything other than nannying, and she's entitled to feel this way, but as an extension of that, in your particular situation, she gets to sit on her ass for five hours a day, to which she is not entitled. But obviously, for her, it's a sweet gig. So there's that.

On the other hand, you clearly have a need for competent household help with errands (drop off, pick up), cooking, laundry, organization etc., and your children's schedule provides more than ample time to get these things done. If I were you, I would hire a household assistant who doesn't mind drop off/pick up and playing with your kids for an hour before you get home among her other housekeeping duties. This person is not a nanny because the majority of her duties aren't nannying, they are housekeeping. There is no shame in this, it is what it is.

+1

Can you do morning dropoff?

Then maybe you can get just an afternoon sitter. Or maybe look into an Au pair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is being paid $19 an hour. She started at $17 and we've given her a $1 raise every year. I just don't see how talking with her will change things. She might start folding laundry twice a week during her 5 hour break but this still wouldn't justify what she is being paid and how little she is doing. When DC#2 started preschool I did bring up extra tasks and she resisted. She offered to organize clothes and unload the dishwasher but this only needs to be done twice a year. She doesn't want to do the rest of the laundry or any housekeeping tasks. She makes a big deal of how busy their day is all the time.

??? Huh? Busy doing what exactly?

OP, you're paying top dollar for the service that adds very little quality to your life. Why?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your really sick of her op. sounds like she is doing her job. Is the house tidy when you get home or is it messy ?

[Anonymous]

If someone is super lazy as this person appears to be then you cannot fix that. You now know she is not a hard worker and is not EVEN using her down time to do the minor chores she has (prep lunch, laundry) and instead chooses to do them once kids are present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So she is actually doing her job, just not going above any beyond? And you feel as though firing her without severance, without a conversation/chance for improvement, might be justified? Reverse the situation. You were performing the assigned tasks at your job and had no indication that your boss was less than satisfied (because they never said anything to you) and then you are fired without severance...pretty shitty, eh?

Act like a boss and have a conversation with your nanny. If this is too difficult, you are perhaps not cut out to be an employer.

Oh zip it. You nannies are LAZY, entitled and sit around and do nothing but then again, it doesn't take much education and motivation to become a nanny so many are going to be lazy and unprofessional.

OP, definitely fire her and find someone who will actually move around and not be a babysitting couch potato.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she is actually doing her job, just not going above any beyond? And you feel as though firing her without severance, without a conversation/chance for improvement, might be justified? Reverse the situation. You were performing the assigned tasks at your job and had no indication that your boss was less than satisfied (because they never said anything to you) and then you are fired without severance...pretty shitty, eh?

Act like a boss and have a conversation with your nanny. If this is too difficult, you are perhaps not cut out to be an employer.

Oh zip it. You nannies are LAZY, entitled and sit around and do nothing but then again, it doesn't take much education and motivation to become a nanny so many are going to be lazy and unprofessional.

OP, definitely fire her and find someone who will actually move around and not be a babysitting couch potato.

What should your dream nanny do for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have some feedback for you, and please take it the way it is intended. You are not a good candidate for nanny care. Not because you don't know "what a professional nanny" is, not because you "don't value good childcare" or any other silliness, but for a completely different reason that's obvious to me. Your kids are not under the care of your nanny for long enough to justify her continued employment. From your account of a typical day, it seems that all your nanny does is 1) drop them at school first thing in the morning, 2) feed the little one lunch and put him down for a nap, and 3) pick up the older one and play with them for an hour before you get back home. In their day, there is simply very little time to do anything other than ensure the physical needs of your children (food, sleep) and errands (drop off, pick up). Your nanny has no opportunity to take them to classes, playdates, park etc. - most of their educational needs are currently met by their school. She doesn't want to do anything other than nannying, and she's entitled to feel this way, but as an extension of that, in your particular situation, she gets to sit on her ass for five hours a day, to which she is not entitled. But obviously, for her, it's a sweet gig. So there's that.

On the other hand, you clearly have a need for competent household help with errands (drop off, pick up), cooking, laundry, organization etc., and your children's schedule provides more than ample time to get these things done. If I were you, I would hire a household assistant who doesn't mind drop off/pick up and playing with your kids for an hour before you get home among her other housekeeping duties. This person is not a nanny because the majority of her duties aren't nannying, they are housekeeping. There is no shame in this, it is what it is.

+1

Can you do morning dropoff?

Then maybe you can get just an afternoon sitter. Or maybe look into an Au pair?

MB here, agreeing w/ these posters and the other one who said you need a different person with a different job description. You should let the current nanny go, rewrite the job description to reflect what you really need and want today, and look for someone in the same pay range you're currently offering. I think there would be people who would find this job and compensation attractive.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP if I were you I would do one of the following:

1) Tell nanny that financially, it is not working out anymore to have a FT nanny with 2 kids in Montessori preschool (with one in aftercare, no less). She needs to start doing more housework to make it worthwhile, and I would specify tasks you want her to do while kids are in school in the morning and during nap: e.g. grocery shopping, light dinner prep, tidying house, etc. Give her 2 weeks to see how it goes. If it works out, then great. But if not, I would go to #2.

2) Since you are fortunate to have a preschool with an aftercare option, I would ditch the nanny and just keep both your kids there 9-5. Since DH wants to can her, he can do drop off and you do pick up. Since this is an option (and #1 is already acclimated to afterare), you should be in a strong position to do #1.

The caveat of course is whatever written contract you might have that specifies duties, and when that contract is up.