Ugh...really down on the au pair program. Anyone having a good experience out there?

[Anonymous]

Not as reliable. I have tried to find sitters, high schoolers or college students. Finding one of those on a flexible schedule, or one that will do a split schedule doesn't work. They'll flake out on you.

If your kids have a day off, but the sitter doesn't...you're stuck.

Higher cost.
Less reliable.
Less flexible.

I have a job where I may have to go in to the office in the middle of the night. I'm a single mom. Can't really bring my kids into the office at 2am. Nor would I feel comfortable calling someone to come over at that time.

[Anonymous]

What kind of job is that, PP?

[Anonymous]

When parents have children that they don't want to take care of, yes, they're "stuck". What were you expecting? Good, "affordable" parenting substitutes at your beck and call? Who told you your "career" should take priority over your child care? Doesn't your child deserve stable care? Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of job is that, PP?

Not that PP, but I have a similar job - military surgeon. Geographically separated from my also military DH for periods of time (thanks uncle sam!) and on call at times during the month. Need someon who will do split schedule and need someone who sleeps in the house, so that if I have to go in to operate, there is someone there for the kids (much less disruptive to the kids and the sitter if they are all in one place asleep when this occurs)

I would LOVE not to have to share my home with a stranger (and they are all strangers at the start) and I would love to be able to hire someone already trained and ready to go and professional about their job. BUT on what the government pays (and hell, even civilian general surgeons make squat these days!) I can't afford the kind of money it would take to get a professional nanny to accept this kind of flexible schedule.

And BTW, my kids are school age and my AP rarely actually works more than 30 hours per week - for the trolls who are waiting in the wings to blast me for abusing my AP this way. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of job is that, PP?

I am the PP.

I work in IT and we have computers/servers that need to be up all the time. If something goes bump in the middle of the night then I am responsible for getting it back online.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you will have a REALLY REALLY hard time find someone to do part time after school care. Some college students can do it a couple days of week, but that is it.

To find someone to do this 5 days a week month after month is basically not possible unless you get very very lucky.

Honestly, if it were easy, probably 90% of the families that use an AP would not do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you will have a REALLY REALLY hard time find someone to do part time after school care. Some college students can do it a couple days of week, but that is it.

To find someone to do this 5 days a week month after month is basically not possible unless you get very very lucky.

Honestly, if it were easy, probably 90% of the families that use an AP would not do it.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you will have a REALLY REALLY hard time find someone to do part time after school care. Some college students can do it a couple days of week, but that is it.

To find someone to do this 5 days a week month after month is basically not possible unless you get very very lucky.

Honestly, if it were easy, probably 90% of the families that use an AP would not do it.

So I just looked for a week and found about ten solid applicants to my part-time afternoon job. One of which sounds perfect - she's a student with morning classes, I need her in the afternoon. Is there some reason I'm not seeing that this won't work out?

[Anonymous]

Because I completely agree with you - particularly if I could find someone to do a split schedule, I would dump the au program in a heartbeat and so would all the host parents I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you will have a REALLY REALLY hard time find someone to do part time after school care. Some college students can do it a couple days of week, but that is it.

To find someone to do this 5 days a week month after month is basically not possible unless you get very very lucky.

Honestly, if it were easy, probably 90% of the families that use an AP would not do it.

So I just looked for a week and found about ten solid applicants to my part-time afternoon job. One of which sounds perfect - she's a student with morning classes, I need her in the afternoon. Is there some reason I'm not seeing that this won't work out?

Longtime HM here. We left the AP program between 2009-2011 when I just ran out of steam with dealing with AP issues. Both years, we had fabulous part-time babysitters who worked in the afternoons from 2-7. One was an AU student and the other doing a year after college before grad school. Both were just amazing careproviders and so wonderful to work with. One issue with the AU student was that she wasn't available over breaks, but she was very good about letting me know in advance when she couldn't be there, and I had a flexible schedule at the time so was able to adjust.

We ran into two issues with this arrangement: First was that we ALSO needed morning help, from 7:50-8:20 to take my son to school, and that we simply could not find. We posted everywhere - craigslist, sittercity, AU jobsite, etc - and we had no shortage of takers, but we could not find someone who was RELIABLE and showed up no matter what. We were offering $25/day for this half hour of work, and still it was an enormous struggle to find someone who didn't flake at the last minute at least once every couple of weeks.

The second major issue was that the second year, we had about 5 snowdays and at least that number delayed openings. In these cases, we had no one to watch the children. So that was half our vacation days gone. On the delayed openings when I was away for work (I travel 2-3 days/week), DH was staying home, driving kids to school and then heading downtown. On delayed opening days, school started at 10, so that was a good 11am start time for him. Not possible as a longterm solution.

So back we went to the AP program. IF you don't need morning help, then this is definitely something you can do. Many many of us with APs just need a split shift AND need someone to help on the random school closing days or days when children aren't feeling well enough for school but aren't sick enough to need a parent home. It's those days that keep us in the AP program. We do enjoy hosting, but it definitely gets exhausting over the years.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, 10:09. I would actually prefer help in the morning, but I can do the drop-offs myself if needed. So we really only NEED the afternoon. But you're right that there's also the sick days, days off, half days, winter/spring/summer breaks that need coverage. That's why we've had an au pair in the past, even though it's more expensive than a part-time nanny and there's the whole living with someone thing. I think I might be where you were when you took a break from the program - I don't think I can deal with the issues anymore.

[Anonymous]

So sorry for those who have had bad experiences. Just heard about an AP in our cluster, arrived in November, homesick, had plans from get-go to go home for Christmas. Then told the family she wouldn't be back afterward. Then told the family on a Saturday (with no notice) that she's moved her flight up and was leaving the following Monday! I can hardly believe the irresponsibility!

We've had 2 good APs. They were both young. (1st was 20, turned 21 while here; 2nd was 18, turned 19 while here).

What we've tried to look for when interviewing APs was independence. This could take the form of having lived away from home, but frankly you exclude a lot of girls it that is a deal-breaker for you. Some things that show independence: having a serious hobby/p-t job with some level of increasingly responsibility. Our 1st AP was a volunteer with the Red Cross and camp counselor at Red Cross camp in the summer. She'd never lived away from home. Our 2nd AP coached a youth sport team; had done short (1-2 week) language-study stays abroad.

Also to helps to find out why they are doing this program? Was it their idea? What do their parents think about it? I've seen a bunch of homesick girls return quickly home - in my opinion their parents (not host parents - their actual parents) are playing a big role in this. If their parents are fearful/don't really support the AP year, they may be crying on Skype, begging girls to come home, or simply encouraging them to come home & not one word about how immature/irresponsible the daughter is being. I know for one that my parents had I been an AP, would have reacted with "buck up! You'll make it through! Beginning is hard!" I'm afraid a lot of parents are taking the opposite approach, allowing their daughters to cave in at the first sign of challenge.

I've Skype interviewed with both of our AP's parents by the way (as a last interview or next to last). I think from both sides it's a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for those who have had bad experiences. Just heard about an AP in our cluster, arrived in November, homesick, had plans from get-go to go home for Christmas. Then told the family she wouldn't be back afterward. Then told the family on a Saturday (with no notice) that she's moved her flight up and was leaving the following Monday! I can hardly believe the irresponsibility!

That's awful! I wonder if many au pairs leave from homesickness right from the start. Did you hear about this from your own au pair? I often wonder what the real story is when I hear bad stories like this.

[Anonymous]

How do you get the parents to Skype with you? That's an interesting idea that I haven't heard before. Do the APs think it's weird or are they the ones asking for it? Frankly if my daughter were going abroad to live with a family for a year, I'd probably want to talk to them myself too, so I think it's a nice idea.

[Anonymous]

10:09 here. We have also skyped with all of the APs we have matched with (3) since we came back to the AP program in 2011. In two cases, we were on our second or third skype date, a parent walked in the room to say something, and the AP asked if they could say hi and I willingly agreed. With the first we matched with upon coming back, she actually asked if her mom and uncle could skype with me first, and again, I agreed. In all cases, it definitely made for a "family" involvement that I appreciated, for a similar reason to what a PP posted above: If the FAMILY is really invested, then when things get tough, they help the AP fight through it. If they're not really invested, then they are more apt to agree for the AP to throw in the towel.

For our first and third AP since coming back to the program, we also became FB friends with their parents (who are our age - early 40s) so there is much more family involvement, too. They also have a sense of "knowing" us in advance much better so there's less of a chance that even if an AP didn't like us once here, that he or she could "demonize" us since we're known entities.

Each of these APs has been on the younger side (19, 19, and 21), and only one (current) had lived away from home before. But what all had coming in were BIG PLANS for their AP year -- the kind of plans that a bump in the road of missing home could not derail.