Ugh...really down on the au pair program. Anyone having a good experience out there?

[Anonymous]

Have you thought of splitting care between the two times...say, before-care and a nanny for pick up and aftercare or two different people for AM and PM. You may have more luck finding a great part-time nanny/student who has some holes in their schedule.

[Anonymous]

Can you and your husband split your schedules? One of you goes in early and one a bit later? Then, the other comes home earlier and one later? Not ideal, but a good way to cover these gaps in before/after care.

Or if you can only cover before care, can you find a college or high school student to do the after care?

[Anonymous]

I love my AP experience. We are on our second, and both have extended the second year. Our kids are preschool aged.

My main criteria was experience and age. I didn't look at anyone under 24. And they had to have lived away from home for at least a year at some point. I asked extensive questions about exactly the type is experience they had, how they spent their free time and what their primary reason was to become an AP.

I wound up with two APs who are very focused on increasing their language skills and take classes at the community college (current one goes 4 nights a week). They do have a curfew on work nights, but I have never had to mention it.

Perhaps we've just been lucky, but I think these guidelines have helped me weed out a few that wouldn't have been that great. I hope we can continue to host for many years to come.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP - so glad to hear a good experience. I agree that older is the way to go. Our first bad one was an immature 20, this one that's leaving early has just turned 22. I think I thought that candidates who self-select to fly across the world for a year into unknowns would be generally more mature than the normal young adult population, but I've been proven wrong.

I wouldn't have been a very good au pair myself until I was about 24. I think I'll raise my minimum age from 21 to 23 or so.

[Anonymous]

Longtime HM here. Our five best APs were 22, 23, 19, 19, and 21. Our two flameouts were both 26. Age doesn't always say too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Longtime HM here. Our five best APs were 22, 23, 19, 19, and 21. Our two flameouts were both 26. Age doesn't always say too much.

A good reminder. Was there anything you saw that the best ones had in common?

[Anonymous]

We have a fabulous au pair - this is our first year in the program, and we've just enjoyed in immensely.

On that note, our fabulous au pair is looking to extend and is going to become available very shortly - like January 6th. We would love for her to end up with a great family, and I would be happy to talk to anyone who's in rematch, thinking about it, etc about her. She's with Cultural Care, infant qualified, and currently in DC.

If you'd like to get more information, just send me an email at [e-mail]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Longtime HM here. Our five best APs were 22, 23, 19, 19, and 21. Our two flameouts were both 26. Age doesn't always say too much.

A good reminder. Was there anything you saw that the best ones had in common?

'

Yes. Ambition to be good at what they were doing and the smarts to achieve their ambitions. In our first four years in the program (2005-2009), we had an extremely hard job: 45 hours/week with one child who was in preschool part day (and eventually kindergarten) and the other an infant (and eventual toddler) with special needs. Our best APs at this time were the 22 and 23 year olds -- they had graduated from college and had interest in working with children. One went on to get her MA in special ed and is married and lives right near us now (we're both in a totally different city from where we were when she was our AP), and the other went home and got her MBA and has a very successful career using her English and her business skills. Our second stint in the program (2011-present) we have had the two 19 year olds and the 21 year old (now). The two 19 year olds were both straight out of HS and very motivated, bright, college-bound young women. They both brought great smarts and focus to the job and had a high level of performance expectation for themselves (and our children - which was great). Our current AP is 21 but going to college next year, so very similar in model to the two 19 year olds who were focused on having a "year to learn" before going to college.

In the cases of the four APs mentioned who have completed their AP programs (the 22 and 23 year olds and the two 19 year olds), the learning they did during their AP year changed their life trajectory. The first switched from physical therapy into special ed and now has a great job at a prestigious Montessori school. The second, as I mentioned, improved her English so much that she uses it daily as a mid-level executive an international corporation - a rarity for a young woman in Brazil. The two 19 year olds both changed what they wanted to study in college as a result of their time here: the first from German and history to English and art, and the second from medicine to psychology. In both cases, this was as a result of the courses they took while here and the learning they did in understanding our children (one of whom is gifted and the other who has significant learning disabilities and other special needs).

The AP job can be a "year off" or a "passing through" time to party and play, or it can be a fundamental, pivotal year that can alter the career path and indeed life of a young person. Along the way, after the two 26 year old flame outs, we have learned to look during the matching process for candidates who have really big goals for their AP year: yes, to travel and see the US (our APs have traveled to upwards of 20 states each, most of them) and yes, to have a great time and go out and enjoy, but also to learn a lot, to have their ideas and minds opened, to be open to new approaches and new ways of doing things, to challenge themselves with courses and new experiences, and to be SUCCESSFUL at whatever they set their minds and hands to doing.

Ambition and a sense of self-improvement and openness to learning are not limited to the 24+ year old candidates. Being a part of helping change a young person's life is part of what keeps us in the program, along with the great loving, stimulating, and compassionate care our APs provide to our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:.

My main criteria was experience and age. I didn't look at anyone under 24. And they had to have lived away from home for at least a year at some point.

NP here. I agree with this. Although I agree with the poster who noted that age and maturity don't always go hand in hand.

To expand on this, I think the PP I quoted above is using age and living away from home as signs of two very important au pair characteristics: maturity and independence. I agree 1000% with that sentiment. If the AP has never taken care of herself, she will most likely not be able to take care of your kids. There are some 18 year olds who are very mature and have grown up doing their own laundry and taking their car to the service station, but it is more rare.

When I interview, I ask a whole bunch of background questions about the AP's family life -- like, Who does your laundry? Have you ever had your own bank account? Who cooks for you? The individual answers aren't as important as the big picture: Is she an adult? Does she view herself as an adult? Or is she still someone's child?

I don't mind helping a young adult navigate America, its one of the things I like about the AP program. But I don't have time for a 3rd child!

If you asked the same questions differently, e.g., "would you be OK doing your own laundry?" Are you comfortable opening a bank account? Do you like cooking? You'll get a bunch of "yes" answers that really won't tell you anything.

How you ask the interview questions is really important.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP. The situation got even worse over the weekend and she has now left our house (I suspect she did not fly home as she said she was going to). I will never have an au pair again, and cannot in good faith recommend the program to anyone. We feel very used and hurt.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's the agency you are with or you aren't picking right.

Way to give up!!

Obviously lots of people have success with the program and have recommended it here and other places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's the agency you are with or you aren't picking right.

Way to give up!!

Obviously lots of people have success with the program and have recommended it here and other places.

Well we've had two bad experiences in a row (after one good one). I know it can be good, but when it's bad, wouldn't you agree that it's pretty disrupting for the kids to have to change caregivers? I'm just not sure I can put them through it again when my success rate is so low.

[Anonymous]

No one knows for sure what the success/failure rate is, not to mention the consequences of unstable care to the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's the agency you are with or you aren't picking right.

Way to give up!!

Obviously lots of people have success with the program and have recommended it here and other places.

I wouldn't go so far as to say lots of people have success and recommend it. I am a HM and I think it works for very specific people in very specific situations. Most of us who stick with it have had to come to grips with the fact that it will never be a perfect solution to our needs. I think it is definitely NOT for everyone and certainly if I could make a nanny or babysitter (now that my kids are older) work, I would rather than keep using APs, but I can't. If OP can find another childcare source that works better for her, that's not "giving up", that's being realistic and reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP. I'm the OP and I agree that host parenting is only for special people with special situations. It is a huge commitment and risk. I ran the numbers and it would be cheaper for us to have a part-time sitter instead and we wouldn't have to live with someone. Can you share why theta option hasn't worked for you? I've heard that again and again and want to see what I'm missing. Seems like a good option right now, but I've heard lots of people say it doesn't work. Thanks!