Family leave-etiquette of hiring a temp?

[Anonymous]

Our beloved nanny of two years is taking 3months leave for family reasons. She is a real part of our lives (especially our toddler son's) and truly I'm devastated. She is very reasonable, saying she knows her job might not be available when she returns, but honestly I don't want anybody else. She's amazing with our son, who she has cared for since he was 2 months old. We now have a 3-month-old, and I worry how this additional transition will affect the toddler. He's crazy about her. She took a month off when my mom was here when the baby was born (by mutual agreement, I did not ditch her for a month, she took her pto plus more for a family summer vacation which worked great for everyone), and the toddler asked for her every day and followed her around like a puppy dog for 2weeks after she came back.

Sorry to ramble, but the point is, I'm trying to find someone in the interim, but understandably it's hard to find someone for only 3 months. It could become longer, depending on our nanny's family situation, but probably not. Any advice on how to do this in a way that's fair to all parties would be much appreciated.

TIA

[Anonymous]

This is hard OP. I've been in this position (though only for a 6 week leave, not 3 months.)

We used an agency for the short lerm position - which was more expensive than just hiring someone permanently as there were daily agency fees involved. But we had the protection of agency screening, agency guarantee to provide backup care if the interim nanny called in sick, etc...

As a result we were able to keep the job open for our nanny until she came back, while still getting professional/quality care for our kids.

Our kids are almost 3 year old twins. I was quite concerned about the impact of this period on them but was so pleasantly surprised by their resiliency. I think what made it work was that their routine was not changed - they still ate/slept/played in all the same spaces and at the same times, etc... They actually loved the short term nanny and were not distressed by their permanent nanny's absence. (And when she returned they handled that equally well.)

Your kids will take their cues from you so don't transmit your anxiety about it - make it fun for them. Choose someone who is great with toddlers. Nannies who are accustomed to stepping in to short term positions will have skills in managing this and you'll be able to interview a couple of candidates just like if you were hiring someone permanent.

We also skyped with our nanny a few times so she and the kids could see each other. Honestly I think that was more important for her than for them but it was an easy thing to do.

If you're in the DC area the agency we use (and used for this longer absence) is MetroParentRelief.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Also (pp here) - be prepared for this period to be hard on you. It will take work to adjust to someone new, it will take some flexibility on your part in terms of knowing you probably won't get the "perfect" person but you can absolutely find someone who will take good care of your kids.

So just prepare yourself for that and your head will be in a better place to manage it.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thank you for the advice. I will try the agency route. All the ladies I've interviewed have taken other jobs except for one who has daycare but not nannying experience (who my son would eat alive, she's way too soft).

I've been hesitating because of the expense but I think it will be less stressful that way.

[Anonymous]

Nanny perspective here: as another poster said, keeping the same routines in place will be hugely helpful to your children in adjusting to this change. Ask your current nanny to create a handbook for her replacement. With former families, I have had a document like this which one referred to as a "Larla owner's manual" and the other referred to as the "if we all drop dead book" (because it was so detailed that if all of the child's primary caregivers were to drop dead on the same day, a stranger could come in and maintain the exact same routine with no questions asked).

I always include a basic outline of the routine, as well as subroutines (so in addition to nap starts at 1 PM, I would explain that in the run-up to nap we go potty, wash our hands, choose three special animals, place the animals in bed, sing twinkle twinkle little star, get three kisses on the four head, get tucked in, and then say "good night sleep tight don't let the bedbugs bite." I also include list of favorite foods (along with recipes where applicable) and lists of our favorite outings and activities, with a schedule of what happens on which day and Maps and driving directions.

Whoever you find, having something like that in hand will be really helpful to you and to the new person in keeping this transition as smooth as possible. Since your nanny sounds like she is traveling far away, I would also consider having a photo of her with your child laminated so that your child can carry it around and look at it when ever he wishes to feel close to his nanny. If regular Skype or FaceTime were possible, you can try to set that up. It may not be helpful to him, and a PP is absolutely correct that many children will not notice or worried that a nanny is gone, but it sounds like your Son did worried the last time his nanny was gone, so I would try to have some plans in place to help him process and address that.

I know this wasn't your actual question, but I hope it was helpful anyway. You sound like a great family to work for, because your number one priority is right where it should be: your kids!

[Anonymous]

OP again. 8:17-- thank you for your advice on the handbook. That never would have occurred to me. I know the routine because sometimes I work from home, but the subroutines-- that I'm not tuned in to. We keep the same basic plan on weekends and obviously have our own subroutines.

My son definitely missed her last time, and we sent photos back and forth, which helped. I like the idea of a laminated photo for him to hang onto.