Nanny not providing social and emotional development
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Anonymous
| We are in a nanny share with another family we adore. Both of our boys are six months old and we've been pleased with how our nanny handles their care. She is very good at their feeding, changing and sleep schedule and getting them out of the house for fresh air each day. One thing that she has not been good about is addressing our boys social and emotional needs. We have asked her to read to our boys daily and engage them in developmentally appropriate play. For example, we provided her with an infant and toddler activity book and have asked her to do different activities with the boys, like take them to the library for story time or singalongs. One thing I asked her to do was to introduce them to other textures in these touch and feel books. Another activity was to play peek-a-boo, have the boys follow objects and hide them, alternate snapping, play with bottles that have different materials (sand, sequins, liquid). She hasn't been consistent about doing these things. I realize that going to the library with two little ones is difficult, but I really want to make sure that my son isn't just hanging out on a play mat or in an exersaucer not being engaged. How would you bring this up? Would it be inappropriate to ask her to attend an infant and toddler workshop for continuing professional development? |
Anonymous
| Are you sure she isn't doing those things? Could she be doing them and not writing it in the log? |
Anonymous
| I think I will talk to her about it and see what she says. It's a lot to write the log and I try to make it is easy as possible as caring for two kids is not easy. I think that having those conversations could be a good start. I think I'm just overanalyzing everyting today. |
Anonymous
| My husband thinks I'm crazy. We are lucky to have such a great nanny and he reminds me she is not an infant toddler expert. I just worry a lot about my son's social and emotional growth. |
Anonymous
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MB here, and I will try to say this in the gentlest way possible. Calm down.
Seriously. Your kids are babies. If they are born into a family with well educated, economically stable, parents who talk and read to them regularly then they are already WAY ahead of the curve. If you trust your nanny with their care, if you feel that she provides loving attention, and if she is getting them out and about regularly then the children are blessed. Please do not obsess over learning and stimulation at this (or really any) age. Let the nanny love and care for them in her own way and be thankful they are getting such one on one attention. |
Anonymous
|
^+1
Also, once your children can sit up on their own, they'll spend more time playing on the floor than being in an exercauser. So they'll be playing with toys together, engaging with each other (yes, babies DO play near and around each other, it's very social when they do it, it's not pretend play nor reciprocal play but this type of play, parallel play, is developmentally appropriate abd a way they build relationships at this point in their lives. Honestly, i would speak with the other parent and see if you can get rid of the exercauser in the house once both children are able to sit strongly. Now, I know she needs a way to keep the kids safe when she goes to the bathroom, but an exercauser (and bumpo chair and bouncy seat and swing) can also be overused whereupon children are parked in them for longer than they should be each day. And if you are nervous that's happening, I'd just get rid of them. And no, they don't need an exercauser to develop strength in their legs to walk - they'll get this strength by being on their tummies, rolling onto their backs, sitting up, getting into and out of a sitting position, and be using their arms, legs and trunk. Also, when they crawl over and pull up to a stand, they'll control how long they can/want to be in this position and get down into a sit once they have had enough. |
Anonymous
|
Your 6 months old baby is too young for story time.
Why don't you read him one story to see how he'll react and how stupid you'll feel for reading a story to a baby who doesn't understand what you're saying ... Most of the other activities you mentioned are good activities. Make a planning each week for the nanny with things she can do since she's not very engaging ... |
Anonymous
| A lot of those activities are important but not necessarily critical day to day. I don't want to minimize the importance of reading, for example, but a day without at book at that age is not a big deal. |
Anonymous
| Um, those are things YOU can do with your child in the evenings. She's caring for two six month olds all day. That's enough for now. How would you feel if you cared for two six month olds for a day and at the end of the day, all the mother of one asked you was whether you made sure her son felt different textures? Be glad this is your major worry. |
Anonymous
| this is why I would never do a share with two babies. A baby and a toddler or preschooler is so much easier and everyone's needs are better met. Two infants is HARD. |
Anonymous
*snort* I've done both and trust me, it is much better for the hildren to be sacrificing some of their activity time for one another's naps when they are both little enough that laying on the floor with some toys is stimulating than when one of them really needs to be out and about. |
Anonymous
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Typical first time parent behavior.
This reminds me of the episode of The Office when Pam has her baby and says she wants the newborn to go to the nursery to socialize with the other babies. Caring for two infants is a lot of work. If you pick your child up at the end of the day and he is smiling and reasonably happy, consider it a good day. Short of your nanny ignoring the babies all day, they more than likely are getting all of the emotional and social developement they need. How do you know she isn't doing these things? |
Anonymous
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Have you ever cared for two 6 month-olds at once?
Do you know how necessary an exersaucer is? Why don't you just speak to your nanny prior to just taking it away? I never would have been able to pee in the first 9 months without it. |
Anonymous
That is a little dramatic. I assume that the children at least have a cribs. It is possible to put them somewhere other than an extra saucer for those few moments. OP, The main thing is that you need to realize that two infants is a huge logistical undertaking. The activities you are describing are also not really necessary for development at this age. During their waking time, they should be working on gross motor development by having tummy time, working on problem solving by being placed with interesting toys or objects just out of reach, and should be working on social development by interacting with a loving and attentive caregiver. If you had reason to believe that the nanny was ignoring the babies or texting during their awake times, then that would be cause for concern. But the fact that she is simply not doing activities that you have deemed developmentally advanced is not a red flag. You are welcome to demand that for your child, but my guess is that the nanny will regard that level of micromanagement as intrusive, and you may find yourself with no nanny at all. Give it time. If you get to the toddler years and she is still not spending time on those kinds of activities, then I would broach the subject. But not prior to the children moving to a two-nap schedule. |
Anonymous
How is that dramatic? The cribs in my home are 2 floors above where the children play. How is it better to lug 2 infants up 2 flights of stairs when I could place them in an exersaucer for the 90 seconds it takes me to pee? This is hardly damaging to their development. Why is a crib better than an exersaucer? |