Dicey Situation

[Anonymous]

I don't know if anyone has been in this type of situation, but if you have any advice I really need to hear it!

I worked for this absolutely wonderful family about four years ago. We were a perfect match and to this day, I am in close contact with them and the children I nannied for. Hell, I am even Facebook friends with both the parents and the grandparents. I still visit the family every few months, they invite me over for dinner and just to catch up and play with the kids.

Okay so a year ago, they referred me to another family the mother works for. This new family has been okay, they are not as easy and laid back as my first family meaning everything is more structured, I have to follow a schedule like Breakfast at 7:30, Lunch at 11:45, etc. I also am not allowed to drive the child anywhere which would be nice, but it's okay staying home. It's doable. However in the past few weeks, I just have not been too happy in this job and have for the first time considered leaving which is usually for me the first sign that things are not going to get better.

For one, the parents let the child watch T.V. and play on the iPad often, yet when I am there they have a NO T.V. and iPad rule. While it is annoying to come in and have them scrambling to shut off the T.V. or iPad as soon as I enter, I respect that they are the boss and can do whatever they want no matter how hypocritical I may believe they are. I work for them after all.

However, the mother then relented and said the child can have 15 min. per day on the iPad while he is with me and that is fine. Some days he wants to play some educational games on it, some days he doesn't want to use it at all. What weirds me out is that I think the days we go on it, she has a way of looking to see what we went on and how long we were on because when I mention a funny song we sang or watched, she has this "look" like she already knows. It just makes me feel like she doesn't trust me.

Plus, when I started working for them, they started me off at $12/Hr. and said after one year, we would discuss an increase and it has already been a month past and when I mention that I would like to set up a time to discuss, she keeps stating she would like to and will get back to me, but never does and I feel like a pest asking over and over.

Anyway, my question is this.
I am staying because I feel like if I leave this family on bad terms, then it will a). Make my first family look bad to the current family because they after all referred me in the first place so what will this say about them? AND b). Things will be awkward with my first family because when if my current family badmouths me and then my first family will have their image of me tainted.

But I don't want to stay in a job where I am not happy just because I was referred by a friend.

[Anonymous]

Stop letting the child use the ipad, there are other things to do.

Insist on setting up a time to discuss, have a calendar ready with you, this way she won't avoid finding a date.

[Anonymous]

You've been there a year.

Find a new job. Give plenty of gracious/professional notice to your current family. At some point tell your former family with whom you are close that you've changed jobs. Don't go into details, just say that you're not sure you'll ever find a family as terrific as they were, but the new family was a little better fit for you right now.

That's all you need to do. Don't overthink it - just be really professional and it will be fine.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

MB here. Time to go. I don't let my kid use the computer or iPad but if I did, I'd absolutely be checking what sites she went to. That's reasonable.

If you don't like working there, get another job. Give notice, and leave. Tell the first family "I so appreciate your help in finding me this job, but we just weren't meshing and it was time to move on." Then don't bring it up ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Time to go. I don't let my kid use the computer or iPad but if I did, I'd absolutely be checking what sites she went to. That's reasonable.

If you don't like working there, get another job. Give notice, and leave. Tell the first family "I so appreciate your help in finding me this job, but we just weren't meshing and it was time to move on." Then don't bring it up ever again.

+1. You've posted before about the iPad/TV issue. I think you are wrong on that issue. The raise is a different story but if you had been hounding me to let my children watch tv or use the ipad I'd probably be hesitant to give you a raise as well. You are obviously not a good fit with this family and I think you should move on. You should be aware though that a lot of parents don't want their children watching tv etc and there are a lot of nannies out there who are happy to comply with that.

[Anonymous]

$12.00/hr. You are nuts.

[Anonymous]

This is the reason I NEVER do referrals, especially if they come from families I like and respect.

There is always that worry that if things go south with the new family, like you stated, will it taint the current relationship with my old family?

There is always that possibility and I like to keep my side of the street clean.

So I tend to find my nanny positions on my own.
I do use my past families as references, however that is the extent of it.

Because if they referred me to another family and I HATED the new family and they hated me as well, I would feel so bad for the former family.

Kinda akin to setting up a friend with someone you know....If they break-up, you will feel guilty and be caught somewhere in the middle....

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you accepted $ 12/hr. Don't accept less than $16 or 17 an hour. People like you hurt other nannies. Stop giving your precious time away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you accepted $ 12/hr. Don't accept less than $16 or 17 an hour. People like you hurt other nannies. Stop giving your precious time away.

But it depends on what part of the country you live in and how metropolitan your city is.

D.C. is very metropolitan. San Diego not so much.