Nanny Health Issues - What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has been with us for almost 3 years. She loves our children (1 and 3) like they are her own. For the last 8 months I've been able to work from home so I've grown very close to her, as well. She is a single mom supporting two girls. Two weeks ago she had an episode that required hospitalization. She had the symptoms of a stroke (total memory loss, confusion, etc.), but doctor's didn't find any evidence of a stroke. They released her from the hospital after a two day stay on a Thursday. The doctors think that a combination of medications she is on caused the episode. We asked her to take Friday off and check in with us over the weekend. If she was feeling ok, she could come back the following Monday (under my supervision working from home). Everything seemed fine. A few days later she started acting very strange; like she was drunk. I confronted her and she told me the doctor prescribed her a new medication to ensure she wouldn't have another interaction episode. We asked her to call the doctor and explain what symptoms she was having a get a new dose or recommend something else. Everything was fine again for the remainder of last week. Fast forward to yesterday. She fell asleep in a chair with my one year old. I woke her up and she was totally out of it. She got up, walked to my stove and lit a napkin on fire in front on me. When I asked her what she was doing she told me she was making my son toast. I asked her to leave my house because I did not want her around my children until she talked to her doctor again. She wouldn't leave and I realized she shouldn't drive in that state so I told her to take a nap in our guest room. When she woke up a few hours later she was normal again. My husband and I had a talk with her that evening and told her to take the day off and go see a doctor today to get everything under control. I am torn about what to do now. If I let her go, her family will have no source of income. I won't be able to in good conscience recommend her to anyone as a nanny. I am in a situation where I can watch her care for my children while I am working. I am torn about whether or not I should give her one more chance or let her go now. Is it a reasonable (or even lawful) request to ask if I can speak with her doctor before she returns to work? I am heartbroken by the thought of what will happen to her family with no income, but I cannot risk my children's safety.

[Anonymous]

It is unrealistic to expect that a med issue this severe will be fixed in one day. I would have her take off at least a week (paid or unpaid depending on what you can manage) to work on getting better and finding the right meds. I would have her come back at that point for a conversation and another try if she is confident that her meds are fixed.

[Anonymous]

What a scary situation for everyone. I agree that it is unclear what is going on with her medically, and she needs and deserves time to get treated properly. You can only do so much, but do what you can.

Could you post an emergency advertisement for someone who can fill in for her for a week or two? If you can afford to pay both?

[Anonymous]

Lay her off. She's going to burn the house down. Why wait and give her that chance?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for your replies. I think we are going to give her the rest of the week off, paid and have a sit down this weekend to see how she's doing.

[Anonymous]

When she comes back, you may want to talk about a more extended leave of absence, and I do think it would be reasonable to ask for a doctor's clearance before she comes back to work.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- A few years ago my doctor prescribed topamax and I had all of those symptoms (except light a napkin on fire). I stopped taking the medication because I did not feel safe caring for children.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough one. I feel for you. In corporate world, we ask that doctors "clear" personnel after leave of absence. I think it is reasonable to ask for doctors clearance note in this case, and that doctor knows what she does for living.

[Anonymous]

This is so hard OP, but I agree that the basic safety of your kids trumps everything.

I also think you are having to take too much on faith here re medications etc...

Be as generous/gentle with her as you can, but I think you have already been very considerate (and you're lucky to have the fliexibility you do).

If you allow her to come back you should absolutely have some medical clearance/guidance re her ability to provide safe, unsupervised care. I also think you should be lining up alternatives and preparing yourself for having to tell her that you're very sorry but you cannot feel comfortable that she is able to perform her job at the current time.

Also - keep a written record of all of these incidents, what exactly happened, on what day/time, etc...

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thank you to everyone who has replied. I sort of expected everyone to tell me I was an idiot and should terminate her immediately. This is such a difficult situation. Your feedback has been very helpful. We are giving her a little time to get better and then, as cliché as it sounds, we are hoping for the best and preparing for the worst - and will be keeping a close watch in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here- A few years ago my doctor prescribed topamax and I had all of those symptoms (except light a napkin on fire). I stopped taking the medication because I did not feel safe caring for children.

That's weird. That's supposed to be safe. I take 3 a day.

[Anonymous]

I would can her immediately

[Anonymous]

My first thought was if this is happening with your children, who is going to make sure her kids are safe if she's a single mom? She could end accidentally killing her own children!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first thought was if this is happening with your children, who is going to make sure her kids are safe if she's a single mom? She could end accidentally killing her own children!

That is a concern of mine, as well. The good news is that her daughters are 19 and 15 years old. The bad news is that the 15 year old has autism. It's not severe, but her maturity level is that of ~ an 8 year old. The 19 year old just finished her first year of college (local). Her plan is to transfer to VCU in two years. I'd hate to see her have to drop out to care for her mom and sister.

[Anonymous]

That isn't your concern, OP. She and her girls are responsible for meeting their needs. Her 19 year old can leave school temporarily to help take care of the family, if that is what they decide.

Point being, it is their problem to solve, not yours. It is crazy to think you can keep on a nanny who starts fires in your home because you are concerned about how she handles her own personal issues.