Gay nannies

[Anonymous]

I live in a very backwards community that definitely frowns upon gay people. Especially gay people working with children, what if it's contagious? So I am very guarded about my personal life and have only come out to my mom boss after I've worked for them for over a year and had a relatively close and friendly relationship with her and had observed her enough to know she would probably be okay with it. Her reaction was, 'Oh are you? I'd have never guessed!' and that was the extent of that. At a later date she asked me if I was out to my parents and if I would ever leave the area because of tightening anti-gay laws (we're not in the US). So I was pleasantly surprised.

Does anyone else have experience coming out to their nanny families? Was it a positive thing? Did it make you feel lighter?

And please, I'm not looking for 'it's a job, you don't owe them anything and keep your private life private', I am looking to hear from nannies who wanted to come out and did come out, or families whose nannies did that.

[Anonymous]

Why would you come out to your boss? Who cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you come out to your boss? Who cares.

Did you read my post? I specifically asked that you don't pose this exact question.

You don't care and that's fine, and I asked for comments from people who do care. Is it so hard to grasp?

[Anonymous]

I asked for comments from people who do care. Is it so hard to grasp

O.P, these old hounds of Baskerville have nothing better to do then not respect your post. Some hounds are just miserable pay them no attention.

[Anonymous]

Don't come out to MB, it is not any of their business. It's very weird that you felt the need to tell them.

[Anonymous]

I'm a bisexual nanny (in the DC area). I never really came out to my nanny family. I was dating a woman when I began working for them, then I was dating a man. It was never a big deal, but I can see how it could be in a different area.

People who dismiss this as unnecessarily personal are people who have never experienced it. It is always assumed that someone is hetero. It comes out in conversation all the time, and you probably aren't even aware of it. If the people around you are unaware of your sexuality, as personal as it may be, you begin to feel like you are being dishonest. Your sexuality is as part of who you are as your race, cultural background, or your gender. The others just tend to be more easily deduced.

[Anonymous]

I'm gay and felt no need to tell my current or old NF. They don't tell me about their personal life, and they won't know of mine.

[Anonymous]

I'm a gay nanny on the east coast but not DC. My previous nanny family was a lesbian couple, and my current ft nanny family have long term friends who are gay as well as my pt family the baby's godfather is gay. So while I work and have worked for gay friendly families I have not explicitly come out.
While I'm comfortable in who I am, I don't want to get into a discussion of gay rights with my employers. It's just a hill I'm not willing to go to with the people who stroke my check on Fridays.

[Anonymous]

Are you relatively new to the gay community or very young? I don't know many older individuals feeling the need to come out to employers unless it directly impacted their position or they were very active civil rights. You are who you are and you shouldn't feel pressured to explain yourself to anyone especially an employer.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but why do gay people feel the need to announce it and make it known? This may sound rude and sorry for that but you don't see straight people going around telling others they are straight. I know some of the reason for that is because being straight is the majority but it still doesn't matter.

I could just see talking to my boss and saying just so you know I'm straight and have a bf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but why do gay people feel the need to announce it and make it known? This may sound rude and sorry for that but you don't see straight people going around telling others they are straight. I know some of the reason for that is because being straight is the majority but it still doesn't matter.

I could just see talking to my boss and saying just so you know I'm straight and have a bf

Again, why add your two cents when the O.P. stated she didn't want negativity in her post.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

You don't have to announce you're straight. Everyone knows and assumes you are anyway. And moreover, there is no reason for you to hide your sexuality. For gay people, especially in crapholes, your sexuality could literally kill you, cost you your job and livelihood, and lose you so many people you thought were your friends and family. You risk nothing when people find out you have a boyfriend. I risk a lot if I slip and say 'my girlfriend'. So that's why it doesn't matter to you and matters a great deal to me.

I can't imagine a situation where I would go and say 'btw I'm gay' to my employer. But once I see someone every day, care for and love their children five days a week, and we end up having a close relationship, it seems like I'm lying every time I have to weasel my way around telling them what I did on the weekend, or relaying stories from the past and what else have you. It's very hard to completely erase something that is who you are. Imagine for a second that you have to never mention your boyfriend of husband again, and make sure no one finds out you have one? It gets tiring, and you feel like a liar.

And I am neither new to the gay community nor am I young, but the the constant lying to a woman who's become a friend has got to me. And this is what I was asking about, in this job you do make friends with your employers (or you don't, to each their own), and I was wondering how other nannies dealt with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm gay and felt no need to tell my current or old NF. They don't tell me about their personal life, and they won't know of mine.

They don't tell you about their personal life?? You work in their home, with their children. You are a PART of their personal life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

You don't have to announce you're straight. Everyone knows and assumes you are anyway. And moreover, there is no reason for you to hide your sexuality. For gay people, especially in crapholes, your sexuality could literally kill you, cost you your job and livelihood, and lose you so many people you thought were your friends and family. You risk nothing when people find out you have a boyfriend. I risk a lot if I slip and say 'my girlfriend'. So that's why it doesn't matter to you and matters a great deal to me.

I can't imagine a situation where I would go and say 'btw I'm gay' to my employer. But once I see someone every day, care for and love their children five days a week, and we end up having a close relationship, it seems like I'm lying every time I have to weasel my way around telling them what I did on the weekend, or relaying stories from the past and what else have you. It's very hard to completely erase something that is who you are. Imagine for a second that you have to never mention your boyfriend of husband again, and make sure no one finds out you have one? It gets tiring, and you feel like a liar.

And I am neither new to the gay community nor am I young, but the the constant lying to a woman who's become a friend has got to me. And this is what I was asking about, in this job you do make friends with your employers (or you don't, to each their own), and I was wondering how other nannies dealt with that.

This is exactly it. I have never gone out of my way to come out, but it feels like a lie ( because it is) when my boss asks me what I am doing on the weekend and I have to omit huge parts of it, or when I feel like I have to say I live with a roommate rather than my girlfriend. I'm not sure why it is so hard for some of the people here to understand that it is not about wanting your boss to know your personal business as much as it is just not wanting to have to lie all of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but why do gay people feel the need to announce it and make it known? This may sound rude and sorry for that but you don't see straight people going around telling others they are straight. I know some of the reason for that is because being straight is the majority but it still doesn't matter.

I could just see talking to my boss and saying just so you know I'm straight and have a bf

You don't need to say it because we live in a heteronormative world where it is just assumed. Be glad you don't need to correct anyone when they ask you if you have a boyfriend, or when they assume that the man you live with is your parttner rather than your roommate.
P.s. you are an ignorant ass.