Socializing with nanny family

[Anonymous]

I've been with my current nanny family for almost a year now. We've had a great working relationship but now they are trying to form a more personal relationship. I've been the nanny who is "like family" before and I have no interest in doing that again as I felt vertu taken advantage of in the past. For the last month the mom has been making comments about my husband and I coming over for dinner or to hang out in the weekend. I know she is just trying to be nice but I work long days and my weekends are MY time away! This last weekend we went to their neighborhood block party and neither of us had any fun. Plus they spent almost the whole time talking with their neighbors. I made sure to say thank you for inviting us but made sure not to say we should do it again. This morning when I came in to work the mom said we should do dinner again soon. Is there a polite way to decline a future invitation? I plan on saying I'm busy when she asks, but I can only get away with that for so long. Help!

[Anonymous]

MB here and I totally get this kind of challenge.

It's perhaps a bit deceitful, but could you say something to your MB like "Thank you so much for the invitations. But my husband and I have agreed to try to keep our personal time for ourselves. We're juggling two busy jobs, two sets of friends and families we all want to see, and still trying to figure out how to find time for ourselves. So we're trying to protect evenings and weekends as much as possible. Thanks for understanding."

That would give you a gracious, but more permanent solution, than just being busy.

Good luck. It's an awkward balance to strike, I know.

[Anonymous]

Thank you! That is a great way to word it!

[Anonymous]

You're welcome, I'm so glad it was helpful.

Hopefully in time the parents will come to understand that a bit of professional separation in the nanny/family relationship is a good thing. It's a really strange thing for parents to manage an employee relationship with someone whom you actually end up trusting more than family. My learning curve was significant so hopefully they'll catch up. (And I hope they take the hint!)

[Anonymous]

If you do not want to tell her directly that you do not like mixing business w/pleasure, my best advice would be to just continue to decline her invitations until she stops asking. Hopefully she will eventually get the hint and stop asking.

Just let her know that you work such long hours during the week and that you need to spend your days off doing other things such as cleaning house, doing your laundry, running errands, buying groceries, entertaining guests, seeing family, etc.

[Anonymous]

Thank you to both previous posters.

I was so comfortable with my last family and happily socialized with them occasionally. But I was with them four and a half years and our relationship progressed to that over time. I guess it's just a matter of hitting reset on my brain and remembering that this relationship isn't the same as the last. I'm going to wait until my MB brings it up again to say anything. Thanks again for your helpful responses. It helps me still believe this forum services a good purpose...sometimes!