nanny share process/etiquette

[Anonymous]

FTM --- totally clueless about how to navigate the nanny share search/interview process. For example, when one family has found a nanny they like but needs another family for the share --- then what? Do DH and I interview both the prospective nanny and family hosting the share? What should be discussed?

Are there other costs to be aware of besides salary and taxes? Can we double-check references ourselves after hosting family has done so?

[Anonymous]

You can either find the share family first or find the nanny first--either is fine. Personally I think the match with the share family is even more important than the match with the nanny, because you need to be on the same page so you know what you'll be asking of the nanny. That said, we found our share after the other family had already been working with the nanny, and it worked out fine too. With ours, we met the other family first to be sure we liked each other and our schedules/values/etc. were compatible. Then we met the nanny once they had decided they wanted to invite us into the share--the nanny had to agree too (and of course had gotten all the background info on us before agreeing to meet with us). We did check references (and they were provided to us) just as the host family had done. In our case the contract terms, salary, etc. were already established; we just drafted a new share contract that included all of this and laid out some specifics around the share itself (where it would be, which child would be present when, what would happen if one child was sick, etc.)

Things we discussed: general parenting philosophies (kind of abstract with babies!), how we would want to do food and what we cared about on that front (when babies started eating solids, would nanny prepare these? if so, how would food costs be shared, and what were expectation re: types of food?), sleeping arrangements (if one family always hosts, this is simpler, but agree on what your family will provide vs. what other family will provide), double stroller (do they have one? if not, how will you share that cost?), nap schedules (will change, but lay out expectations of whether nanny will always be home with kids for naps, whether it's okay to be out and about if one child is napping more often than the other, etc.), and play (does one family allow tv while the other doesn't? is expectation of one family that kids will take classes, while other doesn't agree?) If you are switching houses, just agree on how this will work, what gear will move, and who will move it. Some people switch every week, others every two weeks, and others once a month. Will the nanny be responsible for any child-related chores at the host family's home, and how will this work if one family always hosts? These all sound little (and they are) but agreeing on them upfront saves you many headaches later.

Main costs to factor in: salary, taxes, annual bonus (we do one week's pay; some people do one week per year of service; some people do less than that--ask the other family if they have been in the share longer to see what the expectations are), and vacation/sick time (vacation especially, since that will have a dollar cost if it gets rolled over and paid out at the end of the share; you can also set the contract up so that it does not roll over but must be used or paid out at the end of each year, which spreads the cost across a longer stretch if you will be in the share for a couple of years). If it's a setup where, say, the nanny chooses one week of vacation and the family chooses the other, be sure to specify that the families either must agree on a week and notify the nanny by xx time, or establish a set week (e.g., the week between Christmas and New Year's is a common one). We have our nanny choose both weeks, which is simpler but more expensive.