12 month old scared of new nanny

[Anonymous]

our ds is 12 months old and our nanny is on an extended vacation for family reasons. We have a backup nanny that came highly reccomended from several friends. I really like her. The problem is we are on day 3 and DS screams for his life when he sees her. When I leave the room he screams even louder. We had a few moments of calm yesteday when I reccomended she put on the tv and give him cherios. But once he say me that was it he wanted to be held.

I've been working from home to try to ease the transition and see how things go, but he doesn't want to have anything to do with her.

Should I cut my losses and find someone new or keep trying?

[Anonymous]

Can you take some vacation time to take care of him?

He misses the STABILITY of his regular nanny.

Caps are for those people who believe that stability is a non-issue. I don't think OP is one of them.

[Anonymous]

I know it's hard but it may be easier on everyone if you go to work rather then stay from home. I think your son is just going to continue clinging to you as long as he knows you're around. If you give him and the nanny some time alone I'm sure he will cry at first but then come around. Please don't fire her over this!

[Anonymous]

Do you have any friends or relatives (who he knows and trusts) who can help you out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a few moments of calm yesteday when I reccomended she put on the tv and give him cherios. But once he say me that was it he wanted to be held.

I've been working from home to try to ease the transition and see how things go, but he doesn't want to have anything to do with her.

This would work so much better if you were not at home.
He will only scream and cry for so long, and will eventually warm up to her. I had a job where I had to be alone with him for about 3 days before he would even play with me. It took about a month before he would really hug me. We ended up very close, though. Changing nannies will not fix this problem.

What helped me was to stop trying to get him out of his shell, and let him come to me when he was ready. I would read his books out loud. He was across the room, but would quiet down to listen. I didnt acknowlege him, but just kept readimg. I would spread his blocks on the floor and just start playing myself. He eventually came over and played too. It was something we could play together and didn't have to be super-close right away.

If she's a good nanny, go back to the office. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Sorry this must be difficult for you. I know hearing those cries can be a lot the bear. My charge developed some huge lung capacity around the same age and could bellow loud enough to be heard three floors through the house. Anyone outside the room would have sworn he was being abused!

Your nanny needs to hear that you don't believe it is her fault, if that's true. She probably handles screaming babies all the time so don't worry about her resolve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it's hard but it may be easier on everyone if you go to work rather then stay from home. I think your son is just going to continue clinging to you as long as he knows you're around. If you give him and the nanny some time alone I'm sure he will cry at first but then come around. Please don't fire her over this!

This is very obvious, OP. Why should he get used to the temporary nanny if Mommy is home? What are you going to do when he starts school and decides he doesn't like his teacher?

[Anonymous]

Get out of the house OP. A good nanny would tell you to get out of the house.

Set up some fun things he does only w/ the new nanny and then get out of the house and see how it goes.

He's playing you.

- MB who has been in your shoes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any friends or relatives (who he knows and trusts) who can help you out?

Yeah, use your friends and relatives to do the mother's job. OP, your kid will get used to her. Stay home until he does.

[Anonymous]

I had a GM stay with me at my new position. DS gets really bipolar. He will refuse to go the GM then later the same day refuse to come to me. I have two toddlers in a share. GM gives so much attention to DS, her grandchild, that DD, non related child, gets extra territorial and aggressive. I don't feel it was helpful to have a relative around the house.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you need to leave the house and let the two of them bond.

As long as you are there, it will not ever happen trust me.

They need to be alone and get to know each other.

If she is a good nanny, then she will know exactly how to bond with your son and get him to feel 100% comfortable in her presence.

Your being there is only a distraction.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Working from home is making it harder on everyone

[Anonymous]

some kids are more open to new experiences than others. consider this useful insight into your child's personality. leave them alone and go back to the office. everyone will be much happier.