I think my well-paid nanny may be illiterate
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Anonymous
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Our nanny starts on Monday. There have been several communication issues that have me guessing if she may not be able to read and write. Our nanny speaks English fluently and is a US citizen. English is her second language, but she has lived in the US for 20 plus years. When we were negotiating her contract, she glossed through the contract and wanted to sign it without reading it or asking any questions. My husband and I wanted to make sure she was okay with everything and she was very upset as she misunderstood that we were guaranteeing her a weekly salary of at least $1K after taxes. This doesn't include overtime. We also offer three weeks paid leave of her choice, sick days/personal days, a Metro card for use for the metro and bus and bonuses for the holidays. We will also periodically increase her pay based on performance. She returned her tax and background check documents completely blank. We asked her to complete them and that we could not fill them out for her but would be happy to help with any questions she had as my husband is a tax lawyer and CPA. She said that her past employers completed them for her, which my husband said was illegal and unethical.
This is starting to really worry me. She doesn't email or text and her past families assisted her with referrals. It was to the point where my husband and I felt that they were too involved and beyond the appropriate referral. I never thought it was because she might not have a command of English writing. She was really interested in how far we were from the library and the programs at the library and I mentioned that reading to my child is a priority. Of all the candidates we interviewed, we liked her the best and she had glowing reviews that were very candid. At the same time, she is making more than most Hill staffers and my sister and brother in law, both college graduates with professional degrees from strong universities. What would you do? I am also an attorney and while in law school, worked at Legal Aid. We had a lot of clients that did not read or write and many of the "red flags" are flashing before my eyes. I'd like to help her. I'm sure she is proud and would not admit to an employer. But at the same time, for the amount of money and her salary requirements, I think that she should be able to complete basic forms and communicate with me and my family in writing. Advice please. |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry, OP, how disappointing this must be. How did you find her? |
Anonymous
| Stay at home one day and ask her to read to your child when you are somewhere close. You will know for sure. |
Anonymous
| She can't fill out the forms. You have your answer. |
Anonymous
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We found her through another neighborhood family. They were really involved in the hiring process, which my husband and I found odd. At the same time, they were moving out of state and we thought they were just helping her as a friend and "nice people". The other family was really similar to our family with regard to nanny requirements and spent a lot of time on the phone answering my questions about the nanny. They really went above and beyond.
The nanny had a great interview and it is apparent from her references, an extremely hard worker, loving caregiver and fantastic employee. Reading is really important to me. While I feel compassion for someone who might not had the same education and opportunities, we are paying her a really strong salary given her educational background. I like to think my husband and I are good people, but we also have an expectation that our nanny could read and write English. Now I am doubting this and me overlooking this while on maternity leave, balancing new motherhood and interviewing candidates. She was the only candidate I really felt had a passion for children and the families she worked for and really spoke highly of her experiences working for the family and the children she cared for as a nanny. Now I am realizing that I might have overlooked literacy and just taken it as a given. Ah! We had other nanny candidates who were clearly illiterate as they spoke through a teenage child or relative. Because of emergency situations, it is really important to me that the nanny watching my child can read and write basic English and has a love of reading. I'm almost in tears thinking about this. I don't know what to do. I never thought that this would be the issue I'm confronting. Or that it should have been something I'd forget to ask. |
Anonymous
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OP, what happens when you need for her to be able to read a medicine bottle and she can't and over-drugs your child? Not being able to read is a huge safety issue.
It's great that you want to help someone, but let's get honest: this woman has had TWENTY YEARS to learn. What's been the hold-up all these two decades? |
Anonymous
I'm sorry, OP. The truth is that other parents are willing to overlook this deficit. You will find that your standards are not necessarily shared by other parents over the coming years. I've had a parent, with a PhD in Education no less, shrug at having her elementary-aged SN child unbuckled in the front seat since all the other carpool kids were buckled in. I've also seen parents walk away from a pool with a non-water safe child. Anyway, if you require a nanny that is literate (for good reason!), you must pass on this one. There are too many situations that require literacy. Don't lose heart, you will find the right person. |
Anonymous
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That is so true, about the health and safety issues. I'm feeling sick to my stomach. I feel like I'm putting my child in jeopardy. I'm going to ask her and if it is the case that she can't read or write, I will have to let her go.
It's making me very anxious, but my child's care is my #1 priority. |
Anonymous
| Trollllll |
Anonymous
If she says she can read and write, you should ask her to come over for a trial day. Have her fill out the tax and background forms in front of you and your husband. It will be obvious if she is telling the truth. I know how tempting it is to grab the first appealing candidate but this cannot be ignored. I have hired housekeepers who do not know English and I must always be sure to SHOW them everything and repeat, repeat, repeat instructions with visual aids. This is your child, not your laundry or personal possessions. You are very anxious because you know she cannot handle a new situation that requires reading and writing English. |
Anonymous
| I'm the OP. I'm not a troll. I am serious. She turned in the forms blank. She didn't want to read the contract with us and just wanted to sign it. She didn't understand a lot of the content in the work agreement and hasn't passed her driver's test. And the other mom who previously employed her emailed with us, she said she did not have email but then I found a Care.com account with her picture. |
Anonymous
You really don't need to ask her, OP. It is clear that she is illiterate, at least in English. At least you know what to look for next time. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| You need to find someone else. You may like her but she is not the right nanny for your family. |
Anonymous
| MB here. My husband and I do our nannies taxes through a payroll system. We have never had an issue with doing her taxes. |
Anonymous
| Where are you located? |