Worried MB doesn't like me

[Anonymous]

I've been with my current family for 5.5 months. I feel pretty happy at my job and love my charge. Unfortunately I can't shake the feeling that my MB doesn't like me. She is nice most of the time and engages in conversations apart from work, i.e. personal affairs such as weekend plans, school, etc. I had to take 2 sick days already ( still beating myself up for those) because I had a very bad strep throat and a tonsil infection. Other than that I do try and go able any expectation. I take good care of my charge, do things unrelated to my duties ( load/unload dishwasher, taking out trash, vaccuuming on occasions) and I am always staying late/coming early, which has been fairly often. MB seems to acknowledge my good work and is appreciative but there are days were she seems uninterested in anything I have to say, rushes me out the door, and she has mocked me on a few occasions. Just yesterday I told her my charge is close to walking ( 10 months) and she just looked and me and said " ya think" very condescendingly. She also got upset and had an attitude one day when I couldn't stay late so she could go get her hair fixed ( had important plans). Maybe I am over-thinking, but I can't seem to shake this feeling and it makes me not want to be around her much. Any thoughts and advice. Really would love for MB's to weigh in.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here! I feel the same way! I really wish it was better. I have been a teacher for years before becoming a nanny. I do outings, lessons, crafts etc. I run errands, start dinner and clean the home (laundry, dishes, vacuum etc). If anything needs to be done I do it. I limit TV etc. Anyway I guess it shouldn't matter and I feel petty to even worry about it. I am so used to teaching and having colleagues and now I just feel like the "help". I have friends who nanny and seem to have great relationships with their nanny families. I would take less compensation to have a better relationship. I too am rushed out the door and made to feel foolish at times. Maybe this is just not the field for me. I love the 2 kiddos but I wonder if it is best for them to have a nanny the mom doesn't care too much for...

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about it, Nannies. Your bosses don't have to like you as long as they appreciate you. Lots of MBs are competitive or jealous of your relationship with the children. I would advise you both to be more aloof with your employers and continue to be great with the children.

Lots of bosses and business owners don't like their employees in other professions but realize their worth. Same is true with the employers of nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about it, Nannies. Your bosses don't have to like you as long as they appreciate you. Lots of MBs are competitive or jealous of your relationship with the children. I would advise you both to be more aloof with your employers and continue to be great with the children.

Lots of bosses and business owners don't like their employees in other professions but realize their worth. Same is true with the employers of nannies.

In any profession your bosses don't have to like you but it is different being a nanny. I'm not the woman/man below my boss in the office, I am the woman helping raise her child. I this world many nannies often time spend more waking hours with a child than the mother and father. It is something to worry about and I feel you are missing the whole point of what OP is getting at. It's a very personal relationship when you welcome someone into your home, into your family, to help raise your child. This is an incredibly rough and rewarding job. It's important for nannies to bond with every person in the household to feel like " family". It's imperative I work for employers who appreciate, respect, and yes, like me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about it, Nannies. Your bosses don't have to like you as long as they appreciate you. Lots of MBs are competitive or jealous of your relationship with the children. I would advise you both to be more aloof with your employers and continue to be great with the children.

Lots of bosses and business owners don't like their employees in other professions but realize their worth. Same is true with the employers of nannies.

In any profession your bosses don't have to like you but it is different being a nanny. I'm not the woman/man below my boss in the office, I am the woman helping raise her child. I this world many nannies often time spend more waking hours with a child than the mother and father. It is something to worry about and I feel you are missing the whole point of what OP is getting at. It's a very personal relationship when you welcome someone into your home, into your family, to help raise your child. This is an incredibly rough and rewarding job. It's important for nannies to bond with every person in the household to feel like " family". It's imperative I work for employers who appreciate, respect, and yes, like me!

So you would quit an otherwise great job just because your thought MB didn't like you? I'm sure I wouldn't care. I have an MB now that I don't really like (I wouldn't be friends with her if I met her in the world) but that doesn't stop me from loving her children, doing a great job and always respecting her authority in regard to the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about it, Nannies. Your bosses don't have to like you as long as they appreciate you. Lots of MBs are competitive or jealous of your relationship with the children. I would advise you both to be more aloof with your employers and continue to be great with the children.

Lots of bosses and business owners don't like their employees in other professions but realize their worth. Same is true with the employers of nannies.

In any profession your bosses don't have to like you but it is different being a nanny. I'm not the woman/man below my boss in the office, I am the woman helping raise her child. I this world many nannies often time spend more waking hours with a child than the mother and father. It is something to worry about and I feel you are missing the whole point of what OP is getting at. It's a very personal relationship when you welcome someone into your home, into your family, to help raise your child. This is an incredibly rough and rewarding job. It's important for nannies to bond with every person in the household to feel like " family". It's imperative I work for employers who appreciate, respect, and yes, like me!

As a nanny, I'm not family and don't ever want to feel like I am. I love my charges and do the best job that I can every single day but I have my own family. I will only work for employers who appreciate and respect me but I don't care if they like me or not. I'm not even sure if I would notice if the parents didn't like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about it, Nannies. Your bosses don't have to like you as long as they appreciate you. Lots of MBs are competitive or jealous of your relationship with the children. I would advise you both to be more aloof with your employers and continue to be great with the children.

Lots of bosses and business owners don't like their employees in other professions but realize their worth. Same is true with the employers of nannies.

In any profession your bosses don't have to like you but it is different being a nanny. I'm not the woman/man below my boss in the office, I am the woman helping raise her child. I this world many nannies often time spend more waking hours with a child than the mother and father. It is something to worry about and I feel you are missing the whole point of what OP is getting at. It's a very personal relationship when you welcome someone into your home, into your family, to help raise your child. This is an incredibly rough and rewarding job. It's important for nannies to bond with every person in the household to feel like " family". It's imperative I work for employers who appreciate, respect, and yes, like me!

So you would quit an otherwise great job just because your thought MB didn't like you? I'm sure I wouldn't care. I have an MB now that I don't really like (I wouldn't be friends with her if I met her in the world) but that doesn't stop me from loving her children, doing a great job and always respecting her authority in regard to the children.

In my book, respectable authority needs to be earned. Your giving birth (congratulations!) to a child you don't much know, and your signature on my paycheck aren't enough for me.
Sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are right, MB is being rude and it is clear she does not think much of your contribution if she insults you for mentioning DC's major milestone. I limit my conversations with her to pleasantries. Only when she asks you for details should you converse with her. Otherwise, you may continue to invite these jabs from her and continue to get your feelings hurt.

This type of MB does not know she is encouraging her nanny to job shop. Who wants to go into a job everyday feeling unwanted? I don't need my boss to like me but it goes a long way to making the job one that I just show up and do my job vs I show up willing to go above and beyond. I don't need to be "family" though. I love my charge but I also love giving him back at the end of the day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are right, MB is being rude and it is clear she does not think much of your contribution if she insults you for mentioning DC's major milestone. I limit my conversations with her to pleasantries. Only when she asks you for details should you converse with her. Otherwise, you may continue to invite these jabs from her and continue to get your feelings hurt.

This type of MB does not know she is encouraging her nanny to job shop. Who wants to go into a job everyday feeling unwanted? I don't need my boss to like me but it goes a long way to making the job one that I just show up and do my job vs I show up willing to go above and beyond. I don't need to be "family" though. I love my charge but I also love giving him back at the end of the day!

This. Be more aloof and distant with her while being extremely loving and attentive to the children in her presence (and always, actually). You are not a puppy who needs affection and attention so don't act like one. You do not need her to like.

"Give as good as you get" with your MB - I guarantee she will change her attitude. People like that do not respond to more kindness or friendliness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about it, Nannies. Your bosses don't have to like you as long as they appreciate you. Lots of MBs are competitive or jealous of your relationship with the children. I would advise you both to be more aloof with your employers and continue to be great with the children.

Lots of bosses and business owners don't like their employees in other professions but realize their worth. Same is true with the employers of nannies.

In any profession your bosses don't have to like you but it is different being a nanny. I'm not the woman/man below my boss in the office, I am the woman helping raise her child. I this world many nannies often time spend more waking hours with a child than the mother and father. It is something to worry about and I feel you are missing the whole point of what OP is getting at. It's a very personal relationship when you welcome someone into your home, into your family, to help raise your child. This is an incredibly rough and rewarding job. It's important for nannies to bond with every person in the household to feel like " family". It's imperative I work for employers who appreciate, respect, and yes, like me!

So you would quit an otherwise great job just because your thought MB didn't like you? I'm sure I wouldn't care. I have an MB now that I don't really like (I wouldn't be friends with her if I met her in the world) but that doesn't stop me from loving her children, doing a great job and always respecting her authority in regard to the children.

In my book, respectable authority needs to be earned. Your giving birth (congratulations!) to a child you don't much know, and your signature on my paycheck aren't enough for me.
Sorry.

You don't have to be sorry - if that is how you feel and run your career that is fine. I don't agree. I will make suggestions to my employer but in the end it is their decision and I do respect that. If it's something I cannot do (like spanking or raising my voice) I'd just find another job.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm not asking to be " family" but I am asking to be respected and appreciated. My charge is in my care more than she is with both parents, alone and together. I'm not going to let anyone insult me with little jabs - boss or not. I think I'm going to stick to what the responses said. Be aloof and only give feedback when asked. We wroe everything down so she sees her daily routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not asking to be " family" but I am asking to be respected and appreciated. My charge is in my care more than she is with both parents, alone and together. I'm not going to let anyone insult me with little jabs - boss or not. I think I'm going to stick to what the responses said. Be aloof and only give feedback when asked. We wroe everything down so she sees her daily routine.

This is your best option. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

She's jealous that you will see first step, hear clear and distinct first word and all the other milestones. She chose career over her child so just rub it in.

[Anonymous]

MB here. I don't like the way your MB is behaving, but I disagree w/ the advice to just be aloof and ignore her. Something like this gets worse over time when resentment and hurt is festering and not dealt with.

I would suggest asking for a six month "touch base" conversation. Tell the parents you'd like to find 20-30 minutes to talk about how things are going so far, are they satisfied with your performance, are there any changes/milestones/things that will be happening in the next six months that might be worth you all discussing, etc... Then in that conversation bring up the fact that you are not sure MB is pleased w/ your performance, given some of the offhand comments.

In other words, be professional and address it. They may respond well, or they may not. But either scenario clears the air for you and lets you stick up for yourself appropriately. Maybe the mother is insecure and you can discover that and figure out ways to let her see you're an ally. Maybe there is some tiny stupid thing you're doing that's bugging her that if you knew about it you could change and she'd stop venting her frustration in stupid petty unproductive ways. Maybe she's just a pill and the husband needs to rein her in. Or maybe you don't really want to hang around for very long. Either way you'll get information and feel more empowered than if you just try to swallow it.

I really do not recommend just ignoring it - it will only get worse.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I don't like the way your MB is behaving, but I disagree w/ the advice to just be aloof and ignore her. Something like this gets worse over time when resentment and hurt is festering and not dealt with.

I would suggest asking for a six month "touch base" conversation. Tell the parents you'd like to find 20-30 minutes to talk about how things are going so far, are they satisfied with your performance, are there any changes/milestones/things that will be happening in the next six months that might be worth you all discussing, etc... Then in that conversation bring up the fact that you are not sure MB is pleased w/ your performance, given some of the offhand comments.

In other words, be professional and address it. They may respond well, or they may not. But either scenario clears the air for you and lets you stick up for yourself appropriately. Maybe the mother is insecure and you can discover that and figure out ways to let her see you're an ally. Maybe there is some tiny stupid thing you're doing that's bugging her that if you knew about it you could change and she'd stop venting her frustration in stupid petty unproductive ways. Maybe she's just a pill and the husband needs to rein her in. Or maybe you don't really want to hang around for very long. Either way you'll get information and feel more empowered than if you just try to swallow it.

I really do not recommend just ignoring it - it will only get worse.

Good luck.

Another MB here. This is very good advice for most nannies. OP's MB does sound like a real pill, however, and one's personality usually does not change. I would never be so condescending to my nanny (or anyone, really). OP, I would be on the lookout for a new family. Life is too short to be made to feel unappreciated and stupid on a frequent basis.