I thought I answered the questions decently, was told I "gave the run around" and was "too lectury"

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06/10/2014 11:02

Subject: I thought I answered the questions decently, was told I "gave the run around" and was "too lectury"

quote

Anonymous

I apologize in advance for how long this is, but really want some honest feedback. I am interviewing for nanny positions, and recently had a prospective family email me a list of questions they wanted me to answer in writing.

The parents struck me as a bit high-maintenance, and their list of questions was VERY LONG, so I have included a few examples of the ones they had the most issue with. Their complaint is along the lines of the title of this thread, plus they said that reading my answers left them feeling "exhausted" rather than excited about me as a candidate, and that I was too general without being specific enough. I thought I was being thorough, but now I am thinking that I should have been more concise.

Question: If one of my children was being defiant and not listening, how would you make them listen?

[my] Answer: This is one of those “it depends” answers, and I think the best way for me to answer it is to pose some questions that I would have to mentally take into consideration before responding to the situation.

What is the child’s base temperament? Why is the child being defiant? What types of approaches is the child most receptive to? Is the child overly hungry, tired, or sick? Is this a new issue or one that is threatening to become a bad habit? Is the child simply testing me and seeking boundaries (which I will firmly provide when necessary), or does the defiance in fact have some legitimacy and perhaps I need to reconsider what is being asked of the child? Do the circumstances require immediate resolution on my part or do I have the luxury of time to really be creative?

I have no problem whatsoever being authoritative, but when it is reasonably possible to include the child in resolving the problem I think that is the best compromise.

Question: What do you think is important about meals, snacks, etc.?

[my] Answer: There is no one-size-fits all when it comes to children. Like adults, some are robust and enthusiastic eaters, while others tend to have naturally smaller appetites or narrower palates. Some are too busy to eat and it can be a challenge to get them to eat their three squares a day, while others prefer to eat smaller meals and have a snack in between meals.

As long as their approach to eating is not pathological, and results in overall good nutrition, I will be satisfied. One rule I strongly encourage is that a child try a new food at least the first three times it is introduced -- even if it is just one bite each time.

If a child simply cannot agree to eat the meal that has been prepared, the default option could be (for example) a peanut butter & jelly sandwich or a cheese sandwich, a choice of fruit or vegetable, and a choice of water or milk. This will allow me to accommodate the child within reason, without becoming a chronic short-order cook.

I refuse to turn mealtime into a battleground or a power of wills. Eating, like pottying and sleeping, is one of those domains where children naturally hold most of the power and I avoid power struggles where at all possible. All children will go through phases where they are more and less receptive to the eating options being offered, and one must learn to go with the flow while being creative. There are so many creative ways to camoflage good food that a child might be unwilling to eat in its natural state, there should be no reason for tears and angst.

And, one final example:

Question: Do you have any guidelines regarding what you consider a proper meal?

[my] Answer: I tend to view balanced nutrition over the course of several days, up to a week at a time. Meaning that while a variety of whole grains, lean proteins, fruits, vegetables, and the occasional fats and sugars are important in a child’s diet, trying to ensure that a child gets a perfect balance of these components each and every day is not my approach. Rather I will keep track of their eating and analyze it over the course of several days to make sure it stays balanced over the short term.

Drink -- mostly water, some 2% milk, maybe one small glass of juice per day if the child craves that little taste of sweet.

Limit or Avoid -- red meat (a little lean red meat once or twice a week is fine), processed meats, sodium, saturated fats (as in fatty meats or whole milks).

That having been said, if I had to design a “proper meal”, it would be something like:

- two whole grains
- one or two complete proteins (poultry, fish, cheese, milk, eggs, beans, the occasional lean red meat, etc.)
- one fruit
- one vegetable