Thoughts? Not sure what to think!

[Anonymous]

I had an interview several days ago that went really well. I was really excited about it as it offered what I was looking for, parents and kids were great, etc..

Anyway ..one thing that stood out to me in the interview was that Mom mentioned that she was blindsided by her most recent nanny's departure. She had absolutely nothing negative to say about their former nanny, and even said that they adored her. I guess their nanny left on very short-notice because she needed a new job for various reasons. The mom said she didn't begrudge the reasons at all as they made total sense(health insurance, etc..), just wished she had had ample notice.

So that being said ..she called my references and one of my former MB's contacted me to mention the mom was rather frantic about me up and leaving if she hired me. During the interview I clearly stated that I was looking for a full-time, long-term position and said that I would being taking online classes to further my education. Even though I made this very clear the lady repetitively asked my former employer if I would leave in September when school started. My former MB reassured her multiple times that I wouldn't do that, that I keep my word, etc.

My former MB said that she had to force in conversation to mention the positive experience we all had together when I was employed by them. She also said that the entire reference call consisted mainly of the lady asking about negative what-ifs.

I do apologize for the length of this and if it's confusing at all! I'm confused myself and I'm not sure what to make of it. I obviously haven't been offered/declined the position yet, but I can't decide if this is a red flag/just the mom reacting from a negative experience ..or what?

Hmm. Any thoughts? Opinion?

Thanks!

( Also, sorry for any grammatical errors!! )

[Anonymous]

FWIW my references always text me to let me know they talked to someone and 50% of the time they have said things like "she sounds a little crazy" or something along those lines. I have ended up working with those same people and not had any negative experiences. Keep in mind that these people aren't HR pros, they don't call for references all that often, they don't want to take up to much of these strangers times but they want to ask as many questions as they can. I think those things contribute to so many people acting weird on the phone. I think the only time I would seriously consider one of those warnings from my references is if I couldn't get a read on the potential MB during our own interview. If you have a good vibe from the in-person interview then don't let yourself get swayed by their phone skills.

Plus like you said, they JUST got burned and just want to be super sure that it won't happen again. I don't see that as an issue.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't let it derail me. I think the MB was just so upset about their last nanny leaving that she wanted to push your reference into finding out if you were flighty as well. It may be a tiny pink flag but by no means a red flag - just something to keep your eye on.

[Anonymous]

My concern here is that this is the type of person that will never be satisfied no matter how much notice you give and how legitimate your reasons are for leaving. If you do move forward, make sure you get a very detailed contract, and that that contract includes how much notice they expect. If the notice period is longer than you think is appropriate, do not take the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My concern here is that this is the type of person that will never be satisfied no matter how much notice you give and how legitimate your reasons are for leaving. If you do move forward, make sure you get a very detailed contract, and that that contract includes how much notice they expect. If the notice period is longer than you think is appropriate, do not take the job.

This is really good advice, and would be my concern as well. I'm always taken aback my MBs on here who say things like they expect 6 weeks notice. I'm always wondering if they even hired their nanny with enough lead time for her to give 6 weeks notice. Most nanny jobs need you to start right away or in a week or two once you are hired. If I can give 3-4 weeks notice, I feel like I've done well. To give 6 weeks notice would almost require me to give notice as soon as I had a promising lead, which is not a situation I'm comfortable with. Get their expectations in writing OP, and if she is going to have unrealistic expectations, keep looking. Also make sure she is willing to make any notice clause mutual. Don't let them ask for 2 months notice from you, but not have to give you any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern here is that this is the type of person that will never be satisfied no matter how much notice you give and how legitimate your reasons are for leaving. If you do move forward, make sure you get a very detailed contract, and that that contract includes how much notice they expect. If the notice period is longer than you think is appropriate, do not take the job.

This is really good advice, and would be my concern as well. I'm always taken aback my MBs on here who say things like they expect 6 weeks notice. I'm always wondering if they even hired their nanny with enough lead time for her to give 6 weeks notice. Most nanny jobs need you to start right away or in a week or two once you are hired. If I can give 3-4 weeks notice, I feel like I've done well. To give 6 weeks notice would almost require me to give notice as soon as I had a promising lead, which is not a situation I'm comfortable with. Get their expectations in writing OP, and if she is going to have unrealistic expectations, keep looking. Also make sure she is willing to make any notice clause mutual. Don't let them ask for 2 months notice from you, but not have to give you any.

I've always made notice equal to severance. If they want three weeks notice from me then I am entitled to three weeks of severance pay if they fire me. This arrangement tends to make the MB/DB shorten their expectation of my notice! I thought it was always done that way. Obviously, I will give them as much notice as I can regardless of the contract as I've always had good working and departing relationships with my employers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern here is that this is the type of person that will never be satisfied no matter how much notice you give and how legitimate your reasons are for leaving. If you do move forward, make sure you get a very detailed contract, and that that contract includes how much notice they expect. If the notice period is longer than you think is appropriate, do not take the job.

This is really good advice, and would be my concern as well. I'm always taken aback my MBs on here who say things like they expect 6 weeks notice. I'm always wondering if they even hired their nanny with enough lead time for her to give 6 weeks notice. Most nanny jobs need you to start right away or in a week or two once you are hired. If I can give 3-4 weeks notice, I feel like I've done well. To give 6 weeks notice would almost require me to give notice as soon as I had a promising lead, which is not a situation I'm comfortable with. Get their expectations in writing OP, and if she is going to have unrealistic expectations, keep looking. Also make sure she is willing to make any notice clause mutual. Don't let them ask for 2 months notice from you, but not have to give you any.

I've always made notice equal to severance. If they want three weeks notice from me then I am entitled to three weeks of severance pay if they fire me. This arrangement tends to make the MB/DB shorten their expectation of my notice! I thought it was always done that way. Obviously, I will give them as much notice as I can regardless of the contract as I've always had good working and departing relationships with my employers.

Excellent concrete advice to follow. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar experience. The potential MB asked lots of questions about bad behavior, lateness, stealing, lying, etc. She hardly asked about my skills or what things I did well. I think its normal to inquire about the negatives but I was really put off by her one dimensional line of questions. The implication is that she will either micromanage me or be so rigid that even ordinary, small mistakes will be overblown. Seemed like one of those MBs who cry murder if you are 5 minutes late but never even notice when you've stayed late the umpteenth time for them.

I accepted a different position. Only would have worked for her if the others fell through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern here is that this is the type of person that will never be satisfied no matter how much notice you give and how legitimate your reasons are for leaving. If you do move forward, make sure you get a very detailed contract, and that that contract includes how much notice they expect. If the notice period is longer than you think is appropriate, do not take the job.

This is really good advice, and would be my concern as well. I'm always taken aback my MBs on here who say things like they expect 6 weeks notice. I'm always wondering if they even hired their nanny with enough lead time for her to give 6 weeks notice. Most nanny jobs need you to start right away or in a week or two once you are hired. If I can give 3-4 weeks notice, I feel like I've done well. To give 6 weeks notice would almost require me to give notice as soon as I had a promising lead, which is not a situation I'm comfortable with. Get their expectations in writing OP, and if she is going to have unrealistic expectations, keep looking. Also make sure she is willing to make any notice clause mutual. Don't let them ask for 2 months notice from you, but not have to give you any.

I've always made notice equal to severance. If they want three weeks notice from me then I am entitled to three weeks of severance pay if they fire me. This arrangement tends to make the MB/DB shorten their expectation of my notice! I thought it was always done that way. Obviously, I will give them as much notice as I can regardless of the contract as I've always had good working and departing relationships with my employers.

I've always done the same. It's amazing how little notice employers request when it's tied to how much severance they will have to pay! Fair is fair.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the helpful responses!

I do completely agree that she's just probably just being extra cautious about hiring a nanny who isn't flighty.

On the other hand, I think the PP who commented about the potential MB being someone who is never pleased has a solid point. This was something that immediately crossed my mind after my former MB called about the reference.

I still haven't been offered/declined the position yet, but if I am offered it I will be cautious about what the mom has to say in the process!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't see this as a red flag.

I think your potential employer is just a little nervous about this happening again to her.

And the fact that you are a student may make her a bit on edge, but this is to be expected after what just happened to her.

I would simply take it in stride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern here is that this is the type of person that will never be satisfied no matter how much notice you give and how legitimate your reasons are for leaving. If you do move forward, make sure you get a very detailed contract, and that that contract includes how much notice they expect. If the notice period is longer than you think is appropriate, do not take the job.

This is really good advice, and would be my concern as well. I'm always taken aback my MBs on here who say things like they expect 6 weeks notice. I'm always wondering if they even hired their nanny with enough lead time for her to give 6 weeks notice. Most nanny jobs need you to start right away or in a week or two once you are hired. If I can give 3-4 weeks notice, I feel like I've done well. To give 6 weeks notice would almost require me to give notice as soon as I had a promising lead, which is not a situation I'm comfortable with. Get their expectations in writing OP, and if she is going to have unrealistic expectations, keep looking. Also make sure she is willing to make any notice clause mutual. Don't let them ask for 2 months notice from you, but not have to give you any.

I've always made notice equal to severance. If they want three weeks notice from me then I am entitled to three weeks of severance pay if they fire me. This arrangement tends to make the MB/DB shorten their expectation of my notice! I thought it was always done that way. Obviously, I will give them as much notice as I can regardless of the contract as I've always had good working and departing relationships with my employers.

I would not agree to this notice requirement personally. And it is just based on my personal values: I need my job and the income it brings more then I need to ease of walking away. Perhaps because of where I am in life. I have always required four weeks notice or one month of pay in lieu of notice.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry. As a MB, it is stressful finding care you trust for your children. We are going through a similar situation with our nanny, and even though we received ample notice, it is devastating to have your children lose someone they love and MB probably fears her child/children getting attached to someone new and then leaving. As grueling as it is for a nanny to find a job, it is just as stressful for families to find a good fit. I empathize with the MB you interviewed with OP!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry. As a MB, it is stressful finding care you trust for your children. We are going through a similar situation with our nanny, and even though we received ample notice, it is devastating to have your children lose someone they love and MB probably fears her child/children getting attached to someone new and then leaving. As grueling as it is for a nanny to find a job, it is just as stressful for families to find a good fit. I empathize with the MB you interviewed with OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry. As a MB, it is stressful finding care you trust for your children. We are going through a similar situation with our nanny, and even though we received ample notice, it is devastating to have your children lose someone they love and MB probably fears her child/children getting attached to someone new and then leaving. As grueling as it is for a nanny to find a job, it is just as stressful for families to find a good fit. I empathize with the MB you interviewed with OP!

I totally understand that it is stressful finding a good fit, and you worry about hurting your kids, but this MB's behavior is definitely a red flag. Finding the right fit is about all encompassing compatibility, not finding someone who will never ever leave and being hyper focussed on that single aspect of her needs. This MB does seem a little bit like she would be so sensitive to a nanny quitting, that if hired OP would be forced to stay until this family is ready to toss her aside or risk her reference by leaving. Since this MB is so focussed on this one issue, she may very well overlook some far more important fit issues that will actually make or break the relationship, allowing it to become long term or not.