Taking the fall for Grandma's mixup

[Anonymous]

I nanny for a great one year old boy. A couple nights ago his grandmother came to take over for me since his parents were working late/one was out of town. As always I talked to Grandma about the day for a few minutes and helped her get ready to feed the baby dinner. I showed her where his leftover soup and organic mac n cheese was (in small colored tupperware containers used only for his food), and she heated up half a container of the Mac n cheese for him. Apparently after I left she went to make him seconds, but instead of finishing off the rest of the container or even looking in the other baby food containers, she opened up a big Bob Evans container of mac n cheese that I had brought for my lunch.

Well the baby wasn't used to the preservatives and junk in my mac n cheese so he had diarrhea and an upset tummy all day Wednesday. I just assumed it was from the organic Mac n cheese until this morning when dad said grandma accidentally gave him mine. He said she's not here much so ''we have to help her out more.''

I feel bad that he apparently thinks I just handed her the kid and left. My Mac n cheese was new and sealed up, I just don't get why she opened it up instead of finishing off his from the container we had already gotten out, but things happen. I want to explain that I did help her and showed her where his food was, even that I was there when she heated up the first batch but I think it will just seem like I'm tattling on the grandma. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I think it was an easy mistake and you're in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it was an easy mistake and you're in the wrong.

I think grandma made a small mistake as did the parent. Unless this is a common occur acne, let it go. Communication errors all around. Though not on your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it was an easy mistake and you're in the wrong.

She's not wrong, no one is wrong op.

It was a mistake. Just roll with it and apologize. It sucks but your going to get more flack 'tatteling'

[Anonymous]

I don't think you did anything wrong OP, but in a way your DB is right. She needs more help than you gave her, even though you tried. Maybe next time write out the instructions for her and have them on the fridge. She probably just forgot the details and thought Mac n cheese is Mac n cheese. Not really a huge deal, and I wouldn't think of it as taking the fall. They know they didnt buy that Mac n cheese, and that you wouldn't tell her to feed him your food.

[Anonymous]

Not a bid deal and not worth bringing up again. Also you're not "taking the fall" for g'ma since DB knows that g'ma is the one who gave the kid the wrong food. I would ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound like anyone is blaming you. DB is simply saying grandma may need more help figuring it out next time. When my parents come over to watch DC and give him dinner, our nanny puts together a dinner plate for him and leaves it in the fridge so all my parents have to do is heat it up. Maybe ask if they'd like you to do that next time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you did anything wrong OP, but in a way your DB is right. She needs more help than you gave her, even though you tried. Maybe next time write out the instructions for her and have them on the fridge. She probably just forgot the details and thought Mac n cheese is Mac n cheese. Not really a huge deal, and I wouldn't think of it as taking the fall. They know they didnt buy that Mac n cheese, and that you wouldn't tell her to feed him your food.

If the woman can't remember to feed the kid the correct food, she shouldn't be caring for him.
OP explained what her charge was to eat and where it was located. Should she draw a written diagram of the flippin' refrigerator too?
I don't think OP could have been clearer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you did anything wrong OP, but in a way your DB is right. She needs more help than you gave her, even though you tried. Maybe next time write out the instructions for her and have them on the fridge. She probably just forgot the details and thought Mac n cheese is Mac n cheese. Not really a huge deal, and I wouldn't think of it as taking the fall. They know they didnt buy that Mac n cheese, and that you wouldn't tell her to feed him your food.

If the woman can't remember to feed the kid the correct food, she shouldn't be caring for him.
OP explained what her charge was to eat and where it was located. Should she draw a written diagram of the flippin' refrigerator too?
I don't think OP could have been clearer.

I agree that she was clear with her instructions but obviously grandma forgot or got confused. Since it isn't up to OP who cares for the child, and it would seem that grandma will continue to help out in the future, written instructions or even a diagram might help. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

If you really feel like the dad thinks you left grandma to fend for herself, next time she's taking over for you - the morning of or the night before you can say, "I really took what you said to heart and want to make sure grandma feels supported and prepared. Last time I showed her where all DCs dinner food was in the fridge but maybe this time I could prepare a plate for her to heat up instead?" Makes it clear that you did your job, aren't being petty, and are working with the parents to help grandma. I don't think you can say anything about it until/unless you're doing another handoff though (and I wouldn't worry about it, I'm sure DB isn't thinking of it at all by now).

[Anonymous]

Last year sometime DS started crying and I went straight in to get him from the crib. As I walked back to the doorway Dh steps in and comments that "he is scared because you won't turn a light on and he does not want to be in the dark" having no idea that DS was simply waking up from his nap. To this day DH inquires whether I have left the baby in the room with the light off if he hears him crying. At the time it seemed too small to bring up but now I cringe at the thought he actually believes I would just leave his baby to sit in a dark room.

[Anonymous]

Do not take the blame for something that is not your fault.

[Anonymous]

OP here, just to clarify...not only did I show her his food containers (they are all brightly colored they don't even look like adult tupperware actually), but when she got out the mac n cheese she asked about how much to give, should she add cheese to it or did it have enough, etc. After it was heated she started feeding him she said I could head home. How could I foresee she would later feed him something from a totally different container? Anyway it was a mistake and very random so I'm not going to even mention it, just bugs me that DB thinks I didn't do enough.

[Anonymous]

''Last year sometime DS started crying and I went straight in to get him from the crib. As I walked back to the doorway Dh steps in and comments that "he is scared because you won't turn a light on and he does not want to be in the dark" having no idea that DS was simply waking up from his nap. To this day DH inquires whether I have left the baby in the room with the light off if he hears him crying. At the time it seemed too small to bring up but now I cringe at the thought he actually believes I would just leave his baby to sit in a dark room.''

Sorry to hear this, I hate when parents walk in on a tantrum our bad moment and don't see the big picture,(that you guys probably had lots of fun and laughs during the day before this!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really feel like the dad thinks you left grandma to fend for herself, next time she's taking over for you - the morning of or the night before you can say, "I really took what you said to heart and want to make sure grandma feels supported and prepared. Last time I showed her where all DCs dinner food was in the fridge but maybe this time I could prepare a plate for her to heat up instead?" Makes it clear that you did your job, aren't being petty, and are working with the parents to help grandma. I don't think you can say anything about it until/unless you're doing another handoff though (and I wouldn't worry about it, I'm sure DB isn't thinking of it at all by now).

MB here and I think this advice is perfect.

Who knows what's going on w/ the dynamics with grandma but I wouldn't worry too much about what DB said to you OP. This advice above strikes the perfect tone. I can understand why it's eating at you, but it really doesn't sound like significant criticism to me and it may be that there are lots of challenging things happening w/ grandma when you're not around, so this could be bigger problem for DB and he's not the least bit concerned about you.

Try to shake it off if you can.

In our house we have a constant stream of grandparents w/ hugely varying personalities, helpfulness, challenging behaviors, etc... I worry so much about the impact on our nanny and stress out A LOT about managing all of the individual feelings and relationships as well as possible. My hunch is that they probably have concerns here that have absolutely nothing to do with you.