Nanny not totally on board with potty training

[Anonymous]

We are going through potty training with DC and after a lot of struggle he's finally getting it. He doesn't like being wet so when we went cold turkey with no more diaper he started telling us when he has to go to the bathroom. He does really well with peeing in the bathroom but he has yet to poop. We're working on it but it will take some time (we just started this over the long weekend). Today he pooped in his underwear and the nanny didn't seem pleased. She said we needed to do pull-ups because he isn't ready for underwear but I know that won't work. We tried pull-ups and he didn't do well with them, he doesn't care if the pull-ups get wet so he has no incentive to go in the bathroom. I know we have to keep going with the underwear and working on getting him to poop but I'm curious if anyone has had a problem with the nanny not wanting to do the potty training and if so, how did you get them on board?

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and I have the opposite problem. Sorry, no advice. Potty training is just hard!

[Anonymous]

Just don't buy pull-ups.

[Anonymous]

Potty training is hard! Has your nanny done it before? It sounds like you need to sit down and have a real talk about both of your opinions - yes, you are the parent, but you won't be able to get her on board if you don't hear her out and understand where she's coming from. Does she think your son is too young, is she new to potty training and grossed out by the poop, does she think pull ups make sense for naptime or long outings but is willing to go with underwear at home? Figure out where she's at and we can help you from there.

HOWEVER, as a nanny the line about your nanny "not seeming pleased" with a potty training accident is a tiny red flag to me. You don't want any of DC's caregivers ever making him feel shamed or frustrated during this process and if you could see her unhappiness, he probably could too. This is something very important to message to her and to keep an eye on yourself, for your son's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Potty training is hard! Has your nanny done it before? It sounds like you need to sit down and have a real talk about both of your opinions - yes, you are the parent, but you won't be able to get her on board if you don't hear her out and understand where she's coming from. Does she think your son is too young, is she new to potty training and grossed out by the poop, does she think pull ups make sense for naptime or long outings but is willing to go with underwear at home? Figure out where she's at and we can help you from there.

HOWEVER, as a nanny the line about your nanny "not seeming pleased" with a potty training accident is a tiny red flag to me. You don't want any of DC's caregivers ever making him feel shamed or frustrated during this process and if you could see her unhappiness, he probably could too. This is something very important to message to her and to keep an eye on yourself, for your son's sake.

OP here and that's my concern. He also goes to preschool and his teachers there have been wonderful and really understanding with the whole process so I know he's fine there but I'm worried about the nanny's reaction. She's generally very good with him and is very careful and aware of what she says to him but I wasn't there when this happened so I'm not sure how she reacted. If he was upset or embarrassed he may have said something to me, which he hasn't, but I'm not sure. I know I need to sit down and have a bigger discussion with the nanny about the potty training. We haven't talked about her past experience with it but her last family she worked for had 2 children who were 2 and newborn when she started with them and she stayed for 8 years so presumably she went through potty training with at least 1 if not both of them.

My DC is definitely not too young, he's already 3 1/2 and we've been working on this for a long time. We have talked about it at length with our pediatrician and I'm sure we are on the right path. I just have to make sure the nanny helps to continue it. Oh and I should add he does wear a pull-up when he sleeps although he's actually almost always dry when he wakes up and he even will wake up during the night to go to the bathroom now. It's just the pooping that we are working on.

[Anonymous]

Don't ever use pull ups. Has your nanny potty trained before? Doesn't sound like she has if she is recommending pull ups and seems displeased by an accident. I've been trying to convince my employers to let me potty train since my charge turned 2 six months ago. She refuses to let me because it's a hassle....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Potty training is hard! Has your nanny done it before? It sounds like you need to sit down and have a real talk about both of your opinions - yes, you are the parent, but you won't be able to get her on board if you don't hear her out and understand where she's coming from. Does she think your son is too young, is she new to potty training and grossed out by the poop, does she think pull ups make sense for naptime or long outings but is willing to go with underwear at home? Figure out where she's at and we can help you from there.

HOWEVER, as a nanny the line about your nanny "not seeming pleased" with a potty training accident is a tiny red flag to me. You don't want any of DC's caregivers ever making him feel shamed or frustrated during this process and if you could see her unhappiness, he probably could too. This is something very important to message to her and to keep an eye on yourself, for your son's sake.

OP here and that's my concern. He also goes to preschool and his teachers there have been wonderful and really understanding with the whole process so I know he's fine there but I'm worried about the nanny's reaction. She's generally very good with him and is very careful and aware of what she says to him but I wasn't there when this happened so I'm not sure how she reacted. If he was upset or embarrassed he may have said something to me, which he hasn't, but I'm not sure. I know I need to sit down and have a bigger discussion with the nanny about the potty training. We haven't talked about her past experience with it but her last family she worked for had 2 children who were 2 and newborn when she started with them and she stayed for 8 years so presumably she went through potty training with at least 1 if not both of them.

My DC is definitely not too young, he's already 3 1/2 and we've been working on this for a long time. We have talked about it at length with our pediatrician and I'm sure we are on the right path. I just have to make sure the nanny helps to continue it. Oh and I should add he does wear a pull-up when he sleeps although he's actually almost always dry when he wakes up and he even will wake up during the night to go to the bathroom now. It's just the pooping that we are working on.

PP you quoted. No way at 3.5 she could think he's too young and I'm glad to hear things are going well at preschool. Definitely sit down and talk to her about how she helped potty train her previous charges, then explain to her what you, his pediatrician, and his preschool teachers are doing. Use her reaction to determine whether or not she'll be able to stay with you during this phase; while she clearly has the experience on paper, who knows how it was handled at her last job and whether or not she's up for the challenge now. If you get any sense that she is unhappy or resisting after you've heard her out and explained clearly what you and the doctor agree should be done, do consider a nanny cam. I'm usually in favor of these either from the beginning or not at all, but I've seen children who were shamed during this process continue to have accidents (and in one case rely on pull-ups) through kindergarten and we don't want that for your son.

Hopefully once she fully grasps the plan and how it's being implemented around the clock she'll be enthusiastically on board!

[Anonymous]

I am in the process of potty training my charge. I prefer to use underwear because I have also noticed that he is more likely to request the potty. Is there any reason it has taken a long time? If there is some sort of issue then be sure she understands how this experience will be different than other kids.

At the same time, I wonder if you are slowing down the process. We decided to focus on potty training this week so everyone is staying in the house or close to the house all week. We put him on the potty every twenty minutes. We sing a fun song, I cheer and clap at whatever he does. Giving plenty of opportunities to use the potty turned out to be the key. I got the twenty minute tip from a daycare and thought it was worth trying since they have to deal with it all the time. After just a few days it is becoming routine and he gets excited to go. The only time we use pull-ups is when he sleeps.

If you want to use nanny cam then you need to tell her. Also, if he is using the bathroom then it ail be illegal/disgusting to keep a cam in there anyway.

[Anonymous]

Which preschool is happy to change poop out of your boy's pants? All I hear is about preschools who make you come and get your kid who has poop in his pants. Doesn't he need a bath to get properly cleaned up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in the process of potty training my charge. I prefer to use underwear because I have also noticed that he is more likely to request the potty. Is there any reason it has taken a long time? If there is some sort of issue then be sure she understands how this experience will be different than other kids.

At the same time, I wonder if you are slowing down the process. We decided to focus on potty training this week so everyone is staying in the house or close to the house all week. We put him on the potty every twenty minutes. We sing a fun song, I cheer and clap at whatever he does. Giving plenty of opportunities to use the potty turned out to be the key. I got the twenty minute tip from a daycare and thought it was worth trying since they have to deal with it all the time. After just a few days it is becoming routine and he gets excited to go. The only time we use pull-ups is when he sleeps.

If you want to use nanny cam then you need to tell her. Also, if he is using the bathroom then it ail be illegal/disgusting to keep a cam in there anyway.

PP, two things. She does not NEED to tell the nanny if she uses a nannycam, although I agree it is the proper thing to do. Also accidents in underwear (and the subsequent shaming, if it happens) pretty rarely occurs in a bathroom. No one is suggesting she put cameras focused on toilets, my lord.

[Anonymous]

I would second the idea of getting a nanny cam to see how she is with him during this time. My DC was potty trained pretty young and we had a temporary nanny for a few weeks while his full time nanny was away. While the temp nanny was with us, DC had a complete potty regression. Although she seemed great when I was around, I subsequently discovered DC's regression was because the temp nanny would literally force him onto the potty when it suited her and basically yell at him until he went, put him in pull ups (reserved for nighttime) whenever they went out, encourage him to pee in his bathing suit when he asked to use the potty while outside swimming but then give him a really hard time when he had accidents otherwise. He was barely 2 and she was so mean and confusing that it too much for him. I was glad she was a temp anyway but we cut her stint with us short regardless. It was a nightmare. It took us almost two months to get him back on track after she left even though he had been in underwear and using the potty like a pro before she got there. All adults in DCs life need to be generally on the same page on the big stuff and potty training definitely falls into the category of big stuff ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which preschool is happy to change poop out of your boy's pants? All I hear is about preschools who make you come and get your kid who has poop in his pants. Doesn't he need a bath to get properly cleaned up?

We're not talking about diarrhea. The school doesn't have to clean it out of his pants either, they send it home and the parents clean it. Most preschools have extra clothes/underwear that the parents send so all they have to do is change him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in the process of potty training my charge. I prefer to use underwear because I have also noticed that he is more likely to request the potty. Is there any reason it has taken a long time? If there is some sort of issue then be sure she understands how this experience will be different than other kids.

At the same time, I wonder if you are slowing down the process. We decided to focus on potty training this week so everyone is staying in the house or close to the house all week. We put him on the potty every twenty minutes. We sing a fun song, I cheer and clap at whatever he does. Giving plenty of opportunities to use the potty turned out to be the key. I got the twenty minute tip from a daycare and thought it was worth trying since they have to deal with it all the time. After just a few days it is becoming routine and he gets excited to go. The only time we use pull-ups is when he sleeps.

If you want to use nanny cam then you need to tell her. Also, if he is using the bathroom then it ail be illegal/disgusting to keep a cam in there anyway.

PP, two things. She does not NEED to tell the nanny if she uses a nannycam, although I agree it is the proper thing to do. Also accidents in underwear (and the subsequent shaming, if it happens) pretty rarely occurs in a bathroom. No one is suggesting she put cameras focused on toilets, my lord.

It depends on what state she lives in although no state allows both video and audio taping a domestic worker without notifying them. Some states allow one or the other.

Parents like you are the reason my husband bought me a camera detector, so that if your child spills a plate of spaghetti on my lap and I have to wash my pants no creepy parents get to stare at my ass. You get to do a ref and background check on the candidate and that's enough. The family on the other hand usually refuses to provide a nanny reference and we have no way of knowing whether they are total creeps.

DS has his potty chair in the bathroom because its a fairly large room where the potty can fit. Its also where we go immediately after an accident because there is no carpeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in the process of potty training my charge. I prefer to use underwear because I have also noticed that he is more likely to request the potty. Is there any reason it has taken a long time? If there is some sort of issue then be sure she understands how this experience will be different than other kids.

At the same time, I wonder if you are slowing down the process. We decided to focus on potty training this week so everyone is staying in the house or close to the house all week. We put him on the potty every twenty minutes. We sing a fun song, I cheer and clap at whatever he does. Giving plenty of opportunities to use the potty turned out to be the key. I got the twenty minute tip from a daycare and thought it was worth trying since they have to deal with it all the time. After just a few days it is becoming routine and he gets excited to go. The only time we use pull-ups is when he sleeps.

If you want to use nanny cam then you need to tell her. Also, if he is using the bathroom then it ail be illegal/disgusting to keep a cam in there anyway.

PP, two things. She does not NEED to tell the nanny if she uses a nannycam, although I agree it is the proper thing to do. Also accidents in underwear (and the subsequent shaming, if it happens) pretty rarely occurs in a bathroom. No one is suggesting she put cameras focused on toilets, my lord.

It depends on what state she lives in although no state allows both video and audio taping a domestic worker without notifying them. Some states allow one or the other.

Parents like you are the reason my husband bought me a camera detector, so that if your child spills a plate of spaghetti on my lap and I have to wash my pants no creepy parents get to stare at my ass. You get to do a ref and background check on the candidate and that's enough. The family on the other hand usually refuses to provide a nanny reference and we have no way of knowing whether they are total creeps.

DS has his potty chair in the bathroom because its a fairly large room where the potty can fit. Its also where we go immediately after an accident because there is no carpeting.

If a child spilled a plate of spaghetti in your lap and the family didn't have cameras would you walk around with no pants on? What about the windows? Or if the parents came home early? I really don't buy excuses like these as reasons to tell nannies about cameras. It's weird to walk around someone else's house (in front of children old enough to eat a plate of spaghetti) half dressed under any circumstance. Take a change of clothes with you and change in the bathroom whether or not there are cameras please!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in the process of potty training my charge. I prefer to use underwear because I have also noticed that he is more likely to request the potty. Is there any reason it has taken a long time? If there is some sort of issue then be sure she understands how this experience will be different than other kids.

At the same time, I wonder if you are slowing down the process. We decided to focus on potty training this week so everyone is staying in the house or close to the house all week. We put him on the potty every twenty minutes. We sing a fun song, I cheer and clap at whatever he does. Giving plenty of opportunities to use the potty turned out to be the key. I got the twenty minute tip from a daycare and thought it was worth trying since they have to deal with it all the time. After just a few days it is becoming routine and he gets excited to go. The only time we use pull-ups is when he sleeps.

If you want to use nanny cam then you need to tell her. Also, if he is using the bathroom then it ail be illegal/disgusting to keep a cam in there anyway.

PP, two things. She does not NEED to tell the nanny if she uses a nannycam, although I agree it is the proper thing to do. Also accidents in underwear (and the subsequent shaming, if it happens) pretty rarely occurs in a bathroom. No one is suggesting she put cameras focused on toilets, my lord.

It depends on what state she lives in although no state allows both video and audio taping a domestic worker without notifying them. Some states allow one or the other.

Parents like you are the reason my husband bought me a camera detector, so that if your child spills a plate of spaghetti on my lap and I have to wash my pants no creepy parents get to stare at my ass. You get to do a ref and background check on the candidate and that's enough. The family on the other hand usually refuses to provide a nanny reference and we have no way of knowing whether they are total creeps.

DS has his potty chair in the bathroom because its a fairly large room where the potty can fit. Its also where we go immediately after an accident because there is no carpeting.

If a child spilled a plate of spaghetti in your lap and the family didn't have cameras would you walk around with no pants on? What about the windows? Or if the parents came home early? I really don't buy excuses like these as reasons to tell nannies about cameras. It's weird to walk around someone else's house (in front of children old enough to eat a plate of spaghetti) half dressed under any circumstance. Take a change of clothes with you and change in the bathroom whether or not there are cameras please!

I have had my charge spill on me before and had to throw my clothes in the wash. It's going to sound terrible if you describe it the way your are trying to, like there is a bad person watching your child. The truth is the few feet from the bathroom to the washroom was an unavoidable trek that I had the make without pants. As for windows and such, you seem to think like a creep.... Ew, why would you assume that?