Expanding "Family" - Need Advice Please
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Anonymous
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Currently working for a family on an as needed basis. Four children, busy dad, busy stay at home mom - who prefers to have help and do her own thing. Family recently started renting to a friend of theirs who has joint custody of her child. This child is around a few times a week and the friend/parent is generally around. All caregivers are used to doing their own thing with the 4 kids and now this 5th child is around. No conversation has been had re: details, boundaries, etc. but the 5th child has become kind of an added responsibility at times, even if the friend/parent is home. Recently, the 5th child has been left alone with caregivers - again as an added responsibility, without warning, leaving the caregiver in an awkward situation.
Caregivers usually turn in hours worked to receive a pay check. What is the best way to handle the hours already worked, caring for this 5th child? And what/how should this be handled going forward? |
Anonymous
| A meeting with the family who made the initial hire, obviously, is in order. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Yes, a meeting is definitely in order, I would agree. It's a bit of an odd situation, given that this is their friend and that the child is only there occasionally. I won't get into the details of how odd it is but it sometimes feels like the original 4 children now have a 3rd parent. It's very non-traditional to say the least - in the most appropriate way. The caregivers enjoy the children and like the extra money, so would just like to resolve the issue without hurt or awkward feelings. |
Anonymous
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What's the age of the original kids and the age of the new kid? Because at certain ages adding one is really no extra work.
Is the 5th kid out of diapers? If I were the mom who hired the nanny I'd tell the friend to contribute to the cost of the nanny but wouldn't feel the need to pay the nanny more if all the kids are out of diapers. |
Anonymous
What an entitled bi*ch you are. If you think an extra child is no extra work, you may do it. For free. Thanks. |
Anonymous
I might agree with you if this was a second or third child...but a fifth? I'm sorry but yes, a fifth child is extra work. |
Anonymous
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whether it's extra work depends on the ages and personalities of the kids. sometimes and extra kid comes in and makes it easier because they play well together, other times there's constant fighting and tattling. That's worth A LOT of extra money.
Sounds like a tough situation but i'd just have a sit down conversation w/ the parents who hired you, lay out your problem, how it's affecting your job, what your proposed solution is (never go to a boss w/ a problem w/o a potential solution) and ask what their vision is for the relationship w/ friend/kid/you. Tell them what you're comfortable with. |
Anonymous
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If I were the caregiver in question here, I would sit down w/the parent of the family of four and discuss this issue w/them. Let them know that on the occasions that the 5th child is there, you feel responsible for him/her.
However, if the parent of the 5th child is there, how do you feel like you are caring for him/her? Can you be more specific OP? Thx. |
Anonymous
It's called "job creep." Every nanny knows how that goes. Why don't you? |
Anonymous
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OP here. The 5th child is not there everyday, so when the child is present, it's exciting for the other kids. To add a little more color to the situation, here's an example: On certain nights, when I'm not working, the 5th child is having "sleepovers" with one of the other kids. This is frequently requested when I or the other caregivers work, making it difficult to be the "bad guy" but sleepovers on a school night lead to very tired children and poor behavior the following day.
Specifically, the 5th child kind of goes against the grain when it comes to getting the children to follow their routines. We seem to be a distraction from chores, homework, bath time, etc. This child does eat dinner with the other children, which the caregivers, serve/facilitate, clean up after. It is becoming more apparent that the caregivers know the boundaries that they have with the 2 parents and 4 original children as far as discipline, who is in charge, etc. but when it comes to the new additions, it is not clear, making it awkward and more difficult. |
Anonymous
Kind of a rude response. Every nanny knows good manners. Why don't you? |
Anonymous
| OP here again - I think the issue is that it is just plain rude to leave your child with someone, having had no conversation regarding care or compensation. As much as all of the caregivers love the 4 original children we have kept for years, it is work/a paid position. |
Anonymous
| I'd be very blunt with the kid, in front of whatever parents are around if possible. Tell the kids straight up that child 5 HAS to follow routine, is expected to do xyz at ABC time, just like everyone else. All kids are expected to be ASLEEP by X time. You'll give exactly one warning, if you have to warn a second time the sleepover is finished and child 5 goes back to their parent. Be the adult here. Lay out expectations. If the parents aren't around to hear you say that, text them. Say you told the kids they are expected to stay on routine and if they can't manage it with a sleepover, you told them you'd end it. Then follow through so they know you're serious. |
Anonymous
| These people don't care about the help. Face it. |
Anonymous
It IS rude and it doesn't matter how many children there are to start with. One more is always more work. I don't fully understand the situation though. Did the second set of parents with the 1 extra child move into your employer's house? Or they are just close friends who are there a lot? Not that it really matters, either way it's wrong but I'm confused on the situation. |