Let nanny go before or after vacation?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has a family obligation and gave us 10 days notice that she needs to take her 2 week vacation (our contract stipulates 4 weeks notice). She has been with us for 9 months but the past 3 months our toddler has cried and clings to me every time she arrives and every time I get home. He doesn't do this with others, e.g. his grandparents who live across the country. I've done some surprise drop-ins and each time she's been doing something we've explicitly asked her not to: ignoring his needs to do unnecessary cleaning (we have cleaners for deep cleaning and we're a very tidy family but she can't stand a few crumbs on the floor or unwashed bottles for even a few minutes), feeding snacks in the living room, napping him on the couch, listening to talk radio. This is all to say that we'd been thinking about letting her go for a while. It wasn't an easy decision, though, because she clearly loves our son and would never let anything bad happen to him.

In the mad scramble to find someone to take over while she's on vacation we found someone with permanent availability, amazing references, and the desire and ability to engage with a toddler in a way that I think will be fun and good for his development. So, we're prepared to let her go but want to do it in a way that's compassionate and fair. We're ready to pay 3 weeks severance per our contract on top of her vacation and are trying to decide to give notice before she leaves (giving her more time to find a new job and the ability to extend her trip but potentially putting a damper on it) or when she returns (allowing her to have a care-free visit). Advice appreciated.

[Anonymous]

You need to do whatever you need to in order to ensure you get this good replacement person. So do that.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't sound like much of a nanny. Do what's best for your child.

[Anonymous]

I'd let her know and let her go before her vacation without doubt. She should know what her future holds as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

Yes let her know before vacation

[Anonymous]

MB here.

Can your replacement start soon? Can you afford some additional outlay? If the answer to both is yes then I would let your current nanny know right away, let her stop working right away, pay her the 3 weeks of severance plus vacation, and have your new person start.

If I had misgivings about a nanny and was planning to fire him/her I wouldn't want her back in the house caring for my kids once I let her know. I would make it a clean stop. A total of 5 weeks paid (3 severance plus two vacation) is very generous for a 9 month tenure ans should give her some cushion to find something else.

That gives your current nanny some time before the family obligation to start a search, or to change her plans to focus on the search. And it gives you immediate peace of mind (hopefully).

You should also think through how you will handle a reference for her and whether there is a level of reference you are comfortable providing that can be of use to her.

[Anonymous]

Before. That could greatly affect how much she spends on vacation.

[Anonymous]

I would give her notice the last day she works for you prior to her vacation, giving her the very generous severance and paid vacation and (if you're comfortable) a letter of reference at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before. That could greatly affect how much she spends on vacation.

This

[Anonymous]

Wow op your the first parent I've ever heard of who puts their child first. And I'm being serious. As a nanny I hate having to neglect my charges to clean. And I'm not talking a few crumbs I'm talking an hr of cleaning while the toddler does their own thing. Have you made this clear because it is not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow op your the first parent I've ever heard of who puts their child first. And I'm being serious. As a nanny I hate having to neglect my charges to clean. And I'm not talking a few crumbs I'm talking an hr of cleaning while the toddler does their own thing. Have you made this clear because it is not the norm.

Not true. Sure there are parents who want housekeeping done at the expense of the children but there are also lots of parents that don't. I've always made it very clear to any nanny I've ever interviewed that while I'd like her to do the children's laundry it is ONLY as time permits when they are napping and if she can't get it done that is fine. The children are the #1 priority and when they are awake she is to be focused on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op your the first parent I've ever heard of who puts their child first. And I'm being serious. As a nanny I hate having to neglect my charges to clean. And I'm not talking a few crumbs I'm talking an hr of cleaning while the toddler does their own thing. Have you made this clear because it is not the norm.

Not true. Sure there are parents who want housekeeping done at the expense of the children but there are also lots of parents that don't. I've always made it very clear to any nanny I've ever interviewed that while I'd like her to do the children's laundry it is ONLY as time permits when they are napping and if she can't get it done that is fine. The children are the #1 priority and when they are awake she is to be focused on them.

Ive been a nanny for 15 plus years and I've never worked for someone like you. I have to stay late to finish up laundry and ironing if I don't get it done. And my bosses don't pay for those extra hrs because I already had 12 hrs a day to get it done in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op your the first parent I've ever heard of who puts their child first. And I'm being serious. As a nanny I hate having to neglect my charges to clean. And I'm not talking a few crumbs I'm talking an hr of cleaning while the toddler does their own thing. Have you made this clear because it is not the norm.

Not true. Sure there are parents who want housekeeping done at the expense of the children but there are also lots of parents that don't. I've always made it very clear to any nanny I've ever interviewed that while I'd like her to do the children's laundry it is ONLY as time permits when they are napping and if she can't get it done that is fine. The children are the #1 priority and when they are awake she is to be focused on them.

Ive been a nanny for 15 plus years and I've never worked for someone like you. I have to stay late to finish up laundry and ironing if I don't get it done. And my bosses don't pay for those extra hrs because I already had 12 hrs a day to get it done in.

PP poster you quoted here. I'm sorry that in 15 years you've never had an employer like me but that doesn't mean they don't exist. I learned to be clear to any nanny candidates about the children being the priorty from speaking with my friends who do the same. I'm not sure where you live and what the market for nanny jobs is like but you need to be clear upfront about what you will and won't do. I have had several nannies tell me during interviews (before I brought it up) that while they will do child related housekeeping they will only do it when the children are sleeping. You need to do the same if that's what you want. For me, it makes the candidates more appealing that they say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op your the first parent I've ever heard of who puts their child first. And I'm being serious. As a nanny I hate having to neglect my charges to clean. And I'm not talking a few crumbs I'm talking an hr of cleaning while the toddler does their own thing. Have you made this clear because it is not the norm.

Not true. Sure there are parents who want housekeeping done at the expense of the children but there are also lots of parents that don't. I've always made it very clear to any nanny I've ever interviewed that while I'd like her to do the children's laundry it is ONLY as time permits when they are napping and if she can't get it done that is fine. The children are the #1 priority and when they are awake she is to be focused on them.

Ive been a nanny for 15 plus years and I've never worked for someone like you. I have to stay late to finish up laundry and ironing if I don't get it done. And my bosses don't pay for those extra hrs because I already had 12 hrs a day to get it done in.

PP poster you quoted here. I'm sorry that in 15 years you've never had an employer like me but that doesn't mean they don't exist. I learned to be clear to any nanny candidates about the children being the priorty from speaking with my friends who do the same. I'm not sure where you live and what the market for nanny jobs is like but you need to be clear upfront about what you will and won't do. I have had several nannies tell me during interviews (before I brought it up) that while they will do child related housekeeping they will only do it when the children are sleeping. You need to do the same if that's what you want. For me, it makes the candidates more appealing that they say that.

NP here. My question to you would be, if your nanny is unable to complete the extraneous housework during nap time on a fairly regular basis, would you hold it against her as a performance issue? I think this is what PP meant, and is what I have always faced despite employers who *say* the children are the priority. Sometimes the kids take longer to get down, sometimes they wake up early, sometimes there is a particularly large mess to clean, etc. but I always ALWAYS do my tasks before eating my lunch that way if something doesn't get done its my lunch not my work. If as often as I don't have time for lunch, I didn't finish the baby laundry, my MB would not be happy with my performance. That pressure to get everything done, always, is common and what nannies are used to. That very well may be why OPs nanny just can't leave a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op your the first parent I've ever heard of who puts their child first. And I'm being serious. As a nanny I hate having to neglect my charges to clean. And I'm not talking a few crumbs I'm talking an hr of cleaning while the toddler does their own thing. Have you made this clear because it is not the norm.

Not true. Sure there are parents who want housekeeping done at the expense of the children but there are also lots of parents that don't. I've always made it very clear to any nanny I've ever interviewed that while I'd like her to do the children's laundry it is ONLY as time permits when they are napping and if she can't get it done that is fine. The children are the #1 priority and when they are awake she is to be focused on them.

Ive been a nanny for 15 plus years and I've never worked for someone like you. I have to stay late to finish up laundry and ironing if I don't get it done. And my bosses don't pay for those extra hrs because I already had 12 hrs a day to get it done in.

PP poster you quoted here. I'm sorry that in 15 years you've never had an employer like me but that doesn't mean they don't exist. I learned to be clear to any nanny candidates about the children being the priorty from speaking with my friends who do the same. I'm not sure where you live and what the market for nanny jobs is like but you need to be clear upfront about what you will and won't do. I have had several nannies tell me during interviews (before I brought it up) that while they will do child related housekeeping they will only do it when the children are sleeping. You need to do the same if that's what you want. For me, it makes the candidates more appealing that they say that.

NP here. My question to you would be, if your nanny is unable to complete the extraneous housework during nap time on a fairly regular basis, would you hold it against her as a performance issue? I think this is what PP meant, and is what I have always faced despite employers who *say* the children are the priority. Sometimes the kids take longer to get down, sometimes they wake up early, sometimes there is a particularly large mess to clean, etc. but I always ALWAYS do my tasks before eating my lunch that way if something doesn't get done its my lunch not my work. If as often as I don't have time for lunch, I didn't finish the baby laundry, my MB would not be happy with my performance. That pressure to get everything done, always, is common and what nannies are used to. That very well may be why OPs nanny just can't leave a mess.

PP here. No, I tell the nannies during interviews that if they can't get something done because they had a busy day with the children that I would understand. I don't want them to feel pressure to get things done. Maybe the difference between myself and other MBs is that I work part-time so I know exactly what a day is like alone with the children since I do it myself every week. What I often do is put a load of their laundry in the washing machine before I leave for work and ask the nanny to just move it to the dryer at some point that day and hang the clothes I don't put in the dryer. Then the next day she can fold it and put it away. I've told her if it takes her 3 days to get 1 load of laundry done I'm ok with that.