I like the nanny but.......

[Anonymous]

I needed a 1-week only nanny for a bridge in childcare coming back to work. before DC can go into his daycare.

I spent the morning at the office and came to work at home in the afternoon and it just felt, wrong. Not mortal danger wrong but something about the way she holds DC, bounces DC kind of too aggressively when he's crying, says DC wants to be "diaper off" (I mean I don't care, but DC definitely is going to pee on you!)- DC has reflux (with meds) and can be really fussy when feeding, isn't the easiest napper, etc. So I know he's not an easy baby and all that.

I'm supposed to at least go in to work 1/2 days this week. I just don't want to leave. It makes me uncomfy. He seemed so out of sorts when I had him for an hour or so after. Kind of more docile, which for a normally loud kind of baby that freaks me out.

He didn't nap and she says "he doesn't want to"- which I get but its also one of those things where she doesn't seem to want to try to get him down either, he's not the kind you can just put down awake and expect to go to sleep- he's 3 months and just not a super easy 3 month old.

FTM. I know this is probably normal and I shouldn't do anything rash, but at the same time everyone says "listen to that voice"........what to do when the voice is bound to be paranoid.

I just want to tell work that I can come in 1 day (make DH take off) and check emails from home and stuff but not be full 8 hours the other 3 days. I think they actually would understand bc its that kind of place. And take care of him myself one more week.

But I feel bad about this whole thing since it was supposed to be a week. She was over an hour late (but called and said it was bad traffic) too, but that doesn't bother me as much. I have cash to pay her for today of course.

[Anonymous]

You don't like her, and she was late. Sounds less stressful all around to postpone "really" returning to work until next week.

[Anonymous]

I would let her go. She doesn't sound like she has enough experience with babies if she doesn't try to get him to nap and assumes he wants his diaper off. This is a three month old not a three year old. The docile personality might be from lack if sleep.

[Anonymous]

Is she an experienced nanny? Did you check her references? It does not sound as though she is equipped to handle an infant. I would be staying with my child the rest of the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she an experienced nanny? Did you check her references? It does not sound as though she is equipped to handle an infant. I would be staying with my child the rest of the week.

Her references were glowing, both had babies with her for years.

I know its just me. But I also am leaning toward the "I don't really care if its irrational" course of things. My DH is much more rational and I'm sure will be skeptical, but its just a feeling. I have him in his bouncy chair for like 30 minutes until its "quitting time".

Should I just put some extra $ in the envelope in case after discussing with my DH we decide to call and "let her go"

I am not a good nanny person I guess, I've never had an employee and I'm not good at being in this dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Hi I am a nanny/ newborn care specialist. When a Baby has a reflux you don't bounce them up and down ever that makes there stomach hurt. I work with a baby that has reflux and I rock him to sleep and then put him in a bouncy chair. Babies with reflux do not like to lay flat. I would let her go that's horrible.

[Anonymous]

Bouncing a baby with redux is a no no. I don't bounce babies that age ever. Wanting a diaper off what ??

[Anonymous]

Another experienced nanny here who thinks that she really doesn't seem to understand kids. What I would do is let her go (and frankly I would only pay for the hours worked. She is being let go with good reason--late and not able to care for reflux child--and you don't want to hire her again). Then have DH stay home one day and go ahead and shell out for a newborn care specialist or other highly qualified nanny (with recent reflux infant experience!) to cover one more day, which will mean you are only bailing on work for 2 days, rather than 3.

But definitely let her go if possible. The last thing you want is for DS to start daycare already overtired and stressed out from a week of inadequate care!

[Anonymous]

^+1

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and I say follow your instincts. If it doesn't feel right to you - it isn't right. HOWEVER you did contract the nanny for the week and should compensate her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny and I say follow your instincts. If it doesn't feel right to you - it isn't right. HOWEVER you did contract the nanny for the week and should compensate her.

I am the PP who said she should not have to bother paying for the rest of the week. My reasoning is that first, the employer is going to be out money for this either because she will have to hire another caregiver last minute or because she will be unable to work, second, this is not a nanny she wants to employ ever again, so keeping her happy does not need to be a priority, and third but most important, this nanny was both unprofessional (showing up late for a first-time job with an infant she has never cared for) and deceptive (if she does not have experience with a reflux newborn, she should have either made that clear upfront and gotten as much information from the mom as possible so that she and the child could have a successful day together or she should have researched reflux on her own).

If the nanny had been on time (or preferably early for a first day). And if she had either been up to the tasks of the day or had gone out of her way to get information from the mom to enable her to fulfill those tasks, then I would feel differently. Part of being a successful nanny in an unregulated industry is knowing your strengths and weaknesses. This nanny obviously knows nothing about reflux at all (even a basic knowledge tells you that you do not bounce reflux babies up and down and they are often very difficult to get to sleep because they need to sleep upright and are in constant pain). If the nanny was not familiar with these needs, it was her responsibility to educate herself by research or by talking to the mom or to tell the mom upfront so that the mom could decide what level of experience she needed for her child. Instead, the nanny simply referred to her references of working with infants and allow the mom to believe that that meant she was going to be able to care for an infant with a medical condition as well as typical infants..

I have never cared for a child with asbergers and if someone hired me to do so, I would regarded as a learning situation for me and I would make very clear to everyone involved what my level of expertise was (or rather wasn't).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny and I say follow your instincts. If it doesn't feel right to you - it isn't right. HOWEVER you did contract the nanny for the week and should compensate her.

I am the PP who said she should not have to bother paying for the rest of the week. My reasoning is that first, the employer is going to be out money for this either because she will have to hire another caregiver last minute or because she will be unable to work, second, this is not a nanny she wants to employ ever again, so keeping her happy does not need to be a priority, and third but most important, this nanny was both unprofessional (showing up late for a first-time job with an infant she has never cared for) and deceptive (if she does not have experience with a reflux newborn, she should have either made that clear upfront and gotten as much information from the mom as possible so that she and the child could have a successful day together or she should have researched reflux on her own).

If the nanny had been on time (or preferably early for a first day). And if she had either been up to the tasks of the day or had gone out of her way to get information from the mom to enable her to fulfill those tasks, then I would feel differently. Part of being a successful nanny in an unregulated industry is knowing your strengths and weaknesses. This nanny obviously knows nothing about reflux at all (even a basic knowledge tells you that you do not bounce reflux babies up and down and they are often very difficult to get to sleep because they need to sleep upright and are in constant pain). If the nanny was not familiar with these needs, it was her responsibility to educate herself by research or by talking to the mom or to tell the mom upfront so that the mom could decide what level of experience she needed for her child. Instead, the nanny simply referred to her references of working with infants and allow the mom to believe that that meant she was going to be able to care for an infant with a medical condition as well as typical infants..

I have never cared for a child with asbergers and if someone hired me to do so, I would regarded as a learning situation for me and I would make very clear to everyone involved what my level of expertise was (or rather wasn't).

I don't agree at all with this. The nanny should be paid for the entire week. I'm sure she is really counting on this income if she interviewed and gave you references for a 1 week job. I mean who actually takes a 1 week job anyway? It's only 4 more days. Please just go to work and get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny and I say follow your instincts. If it doesn't feel right to you - it isn't right. HOWEVER you did contract the nanny for the week and should compensate her.

I am the PP who said she should not have to bother paying for the rest of the week. My reasoning is that first, the employer is going to be out money for this either because she will have to hire another caregiver last minute or because she will be unable to work, second, this is not a nanny she wants to employ ever again, so keeping her happy does not need to be a priority, and third but most important, this nanny was both unprofessional (showing up late for a first-time job with an infant she has never cared for) and deceptive (if she does not have experience with a reflux newborn, she should have either made that clear upfront and gotten as much information from the mom as possible so that she and the child could have a successful day together or she should have researched reflux on her own).

If the nanny had been on time (or preferably early for a first day). And if she had either been up to the tasks of the day or had gone out of her way to get information from the mom to enable her to fulfill those tasks, then I would feel differently. Part of being a successful nanny in an unregulated industry is knowing your strengths and weaknesses. This nanny obviously knows nothing about reflux at all (even a basic knowledge tells you that you do not bounce reflux babies up and down and they are often very difficult to get to sleep because they need to sleep upright and are in constant pain). If the nanny was not familiar with these needs, it was her responsibility to educate herself by research or by talking to the mom or to tell the mom upfront so that the mom could decide what level of experience she needed for her child. Instead, the nanny simply referred to her references of working with infants and allow the mom to believe that that meant she was going to be able to care for an infant with a medical condition as well as typical infants..

I have never cared for a child with asbergers and if someone hired me to do so, I would regarded as a learning situation for me and I would make very clear to everyone involved what my level of expertise was (or rather wasn't).

I don't agree at all with this. The nanny should be paid for the entire week. I'm sure she is really counting on this income if she interviewed and gave you references for a 1 week job. I mean who actually takes a 1 week job anyway? It's only 4 more days. Please just go to work and get over yourself.

OP here- I don't know why I am biting but I am. I didn't write the above post. I didn't write anything but a nervous plea for some advice. I didn't weight in about what she does or doesn't deserve. So telling me to "get over myself" is a reflection on you and not me. I am not so high and mighty in my head as a mother. In fact I'm pretty much the opposite, scared shitless that I'm somehow going to mess up very badly for very unimportant reasons. I should have probably mentioned that my job is at a very flexible place. My colleagues regularly work from home with no notice. I've never done that. Or never worked from home ever actually. If the snark made you feel better for some reason, then good- but there are real people on the ends of these posts that don't need it, FYI

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and have to ask - without meaning to be disrespectful to anyone here - is English her first language? When you said she reported your son "wants to be diaper off" I figured he was a toddler; I mean, I believe it is healthy and appropriate for babies (like your son) to have open air time but it is hardly a preference expressed by three month olds. Also agree about never bouncing a baby with reflux, my goodness! Also can't imagine failing to get a baby that young to sleep at all - assuming you provided her with some combination of a carrier, stroller, swing, and swaddling blankets. All in all, she doesn't sound as experienced as she or her references led you to believe and I think you should follow your instincts and stay home. I have mixed feelings about paying her for the week and don't think you should pay the entire week's wages but do think a small addition to her day's pay would be appropriate. My thinking is essentially that being an hour late on her first day = not eligible for full compensation IMO, even if everything else she did was perfect you need that reliability and she should have planned ahead. When I take jobs like that (short-term full-time) I usually arrive 30-45min early just in case and read a book, call a friend, or surf the web while I wait.

tl;dr Another nanny who says let her go and give her perhaps one day's extra pay (not the whole week since she was an hour late!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny and I say follow your instincts. If it doesn't feel right to you - it isn't right. HOWEVER you did contract the nanny for the week and should compensate her.

I am the PP who said she should not have to bother paying for the rest of the week. My reasoning is that first, the employer is going to be out money for this either because she will have to hire another caregiver last minute or because she will be unable to work, second, this is not a nanny she wants to employ ever again, so keeping her happy does not need to be a priority, and third but most important, this nanny was both unprofessional (showing up late for a first-time job with an infant she has never cared for) and deceptive (if she does not have experience with a reflux newborn, she should have either made that clear upfront and gotten as much information from the mom as possible so that she and the child could have a successful day together or she should have researched reflux on her own).

If the nanny had been on time (or preferably early for a first day). And if she had either been up to the tasks of the day or had gone out of her way to get information from the mom to enable her to fulfill those tasks, then I would feel differently. Part of being a successful nanny in an unregulated industry is knowing your strengths and weaknesses. This nanny obviously knows nothing about reflux at all (even a basic knowledge tells you that you do not bounce reflux babies up and down and they are often very difficult to get to sleep because they need to sleep upright and are in constant pain). If the nanny was not familiar with these needs, it was her responsibility to educate herself by research or by talking to the mom or to tell the mom upfront so that the mom could decide what level of experience she needed for her child. Instead, the nanny simply referred to her references of working with infants and allow the mom to believe that that meant she was going to be able to care for an infant with a medical condition as well as typical infants..

I have never cared for a child with asbergers and if someone hired me to do so, I would regarded as a learning situation for me and I would make very clear to everyone involved what my level of expertise was (or rather wasn't).

I don't agree at all with this. The nanny should be paid for the entire week. I'm sure she is really counting on this income if she interviewed and gave you references for a 1 week job. I mean who actually takes a 1 week job anyway? It's only 4 more days. Please just go to work and get over yourself.

You should feel lucky you actually found someone to work for a week. it sounds like English isn't her first language. Seriously it's only a WEEK. Your baby is going to be fine.