Nannies and playdates

[Anonymous]

I am writing for nannies' inputs on having drop off playdates. Here's the situation: our nanny has been working with us (3.5 yr old and infant) for about 6 weeks. She's fantastic, and I think things are generally going well, except that my 3 yr old has been having problems with the adjustment- crying when I leave, etc. Prior to hiring the new nanny, the 3 yr old was in a nanny share with another 3 yr old and the other family's infant. She also goes to 5 day morning preschool. When we hired the new one, we asked if she would be okay with having lots of playdates with the old one as the 3 yr olds are very attached to one another; she was perfectly amenable. It turns out it's harder to do not drop-off playdates than I thought, because of the two infants' various needs and nap schedules. So, between the two nannies they've arranged basically all day dropoff playdates (on days when there hasn't been school for whatever reason). Personally, I find it easier to watch the two of them than just one, because they totally entertain each other, and the original nanny was pretty hands off (i.e. they'd spend the whole afternoon playing in the bedroom with little supervision). SO: my new nanny says she's totally fine with this. But I kind of doubt she'd tell me if she's not. I don't want to step on her toes, since I'm not paying her to watch 3 kids. What do you all think? This is going to be more of a concern when preschool's over in a few weeks, and they will have playdates a couple times a week. TIA!

[Anonymous]

If the nannies switch off who has the 3 year olds it sounds fine. I find it easier with two the same age friends.

[Anonymous]

I'd make sure they alternated so your nanny isn't the only one taking on the two 3 year olds. Also, make sure your nanny knows that it's okay for her to be hands off while they play.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it goes both ways; I will make sure it stays even. I dropped my kid off with the other one on my way to work today Thanks for the tip to let her know to let them be on their own.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs. As long as other nanny will take your 3yo just as often it's great. Kids entertain each other and one nanny gets a break with just the infant for the day. And definitely let nanny know it's okay to let the older ones play independently so she can tend to baby and do other things.

[Anonymous]

I think drop off play dates where the kids entertain each other are wonderful, especially if the two nannies are alternating. It gives the 3-year-olds time to spend with their friend and gives the nannies time to do some individual enrichment with the infants. Just let your nanny know that you and the other family are comfortable with the 3-year-olds playing on together on their own with minimal supervision.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I am a little disturbed by the mention of two 3 year old left to play on their own for a long time "with minimal supervision". I think any responsible nanny would feel that she has to supervise them, regardless of what the parents mean with "minimal supervision"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am a little disturbed by the mention of two 3 year old left to play on their own for a long time "with minimal supervision". I think any responsible nanny would feel that she has to supervise them, regardless of what the parents mean with "minimal supervision"

I think of minimal supervision as letting the kids play without guiding them through it. Not, leaving them in the room by themselves or not paying attention to what they're doing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am a little disturbed by the mention of two 3 year old left to play on their own for a long time "with minimal supervision". I think any responsible nanny would feel that she has to supervise them, regardless of what the parents mean with "minimal supervision"

They're 3.5. My charge is that age and he can definitely play by himself in his room for a little while unattended. I make sure he knows where to find me, and I check on him occasionally. I do not need to be in the same room 100% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Another nanny with twin experience. Lots of twins can play for hours without adult interference as they get very good at social problem solving, etc. With 3.5 yo kids, you shouldn't need to be worried about constant safety concerns like with younger toddlers, it's mostly about helping them to share and negotiate play without getting upset and eatablishing safety rulea for the space (no climbing or jumping on furniture, e.g.). If the kids can negotiate between themselves and they are familiar with house rules, then you can be very hands off. Sit within earshot and fold laundry, play with baby, etc.